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(one-shot: angst) Edward doubts if Bella's love is true anymore, after what happened between her and Jacob in Eclipse. WARNING: JACOB LOVERS BEWARE!


1. Doubt

Rating 5/5   Word Count 1032   Review this Chapter

I sat on my leather couch, looking out into the bright beautiful moon, and the happily twinkling stars; while inside of me a fire burned that was impossible to burn out. A fire made up of dread, hatred, and doubt.

Thoughts were racing through my head, most of them not good --towards me. I clutched onto my head as tightly as I could, trying hard not to cry, trying hard not to scream, trying hard not to do something stupid that I might regret later. I couldn't contain my emotions any longer though, there was doubt in my mind of how Bella felt for me and that hurt more than being ripped into pieces and being burned. I'd rather pass through that than ever pass through this again.

I groaned when the thought reached my head once again, I couldn't keep avoiding the thought. Bella was going to talk about it soon, and she would apologize once again; the pain would never end.

What hurt me the most was that she asked him to kiss her, and she told him she ...loved ...him.

I banged my head on the couch as hard as I could but the cushioning made nothing to me. I made damage to it.

I could hear the thoughts of Jacob circling my brain, "I kissed her dudes, she kissed me back. She loves me! ...Hope you heard that bloodsucker!" Then he flew images into my head making my pain even harder to handle.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to return to Bella, but I knew she wold feel worse about herself if I didn't return to her.

"Edward." I heard Alice's soft voice behind me, I looked up, she was smiling kindly, I knew she had no idea what was going on with the werewolf and Bella.

I ignored her looking back into the moon, beating myself up for not being good enough for Bella, I knew I wasn't good enough or else she wouldn't have raced of with that...dog. I closed my eyes and pinched my nose, I should have never left the first time, I should have never left her alone in need for love. None of this would have happened--

Alice pulled me out of my thoughts again, "What's wrong, Edward? I have been seeing you very upset these past couple of days, are you not happy Bella is getting married with you, or is it because she still wants to become a vampire." She asked, I knew she was looking intently at me.

I looked back at her, her head was cocked to her side looking deep into my eyes.

I shook off her gaze, "I-- of course I'm happy that Bella agreed to marry me, Alice, its just...nothing." I sighed turning back to the forest and the moon.

Alice sat on the couch by my feet, I curled my knees up to my chest wrapping my arms around them and laying my head on my knees. I knew Alice could see I was depressed, nothing escaped her. I knew Jasper probably told her how I was feeling, but Jasper doesn't seem comfortable talking to me about stuff like this.

I felt her shift on the sofa. I looked at her, she turned her body around to stare at me, her eyes glaring at me. "I know you too well Edward, I know something is bothering you." Her face dropped into a frown, "What is it?" I opened my mouth and she snapped at me, "Do NOT say its nothing Edward.." she looked ashamed, "I'm sorry, but you can trust me, its bothering Jasper the way you are feeling and Carlisle sees it too." Alice said, she sighed.

I sighed, I knew Alice had me, there was no way I could escape from her, "she kissed him, Alice, she kissed him and she said she loved him!" I said, nearly yelling, I didn't have to say his name for Alice's eyes to bulge out and burn with anger. "I know she loved him but I never knew ...like that! Alice how the hell am I suppose to know she still loves me!?" I asked punching the sofa once again.

"I-I, Edward don't say that, Bella loves you, I know she does, she wants to be with you forever, she is marrying you, she wants to be a vampire just to be with you forever! How can you doubt that!?" She didn't understand, I shook my head violently.

"NO, NO, NO, I think I know she loves me, yes I know she wants to become a vampire Alice but maybe she just wants an excuse to get away from her old life and forget about Jacob!" My body shook when I spat out his name.

"How can you say that?!" Alice interjected me with a furious expression.

"The same way I can say this...How do I know that Bella is also just marrying me to make me happy but inside she is bleeding for Jacob!? How can I be sure -- I can't read her mind, she never really tells me what in her mind. Face it Alice." I said with a shuddered sigh, getting all of the trapped emotions out was good.

Alice opened her mouth to protest but she closed it down again looking defeated. "No, Bella loves him, she cant love ...Jacob. Ew. UGH! NO! But Edward has a point, NO." She looked up at me, "QUIT READING MY MIND!" I sat back straight, looking away from her. "Oh mickey you're so fine, you're so fine-".

"Oh SHUT UP WITH THAT SONG I DONT NEED TO READ YOUR MIND TO KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON IN YOU HEAD, you also know I have a point of what I just said!" I screamed.

"Yes Edward, I know you have a point, but you cant be certain about that, give it time. Soon Bella will reveal who she truly loves more." Alice said taking my hand, "You are my brother Edward, I don't like to see you hurting, so stop hurting yourself with these thoughts." She said and exited the room.

I kicked the pole of the bed and it fell down to the floor with a large thud.