Eclipse spoilers... We don't really know a lot about Leah. She's a werewolf and well...a little bitter. But what else? What's going thru her head when she decides to confront Jacob about Bella? There's probably more to her then just a sour, beautiful girl. Sometimes the most broken of us can find happiness, too. But can Leah? Starts off when Leah confronts Jacob on the cliff.
1. The Bitter Harpy
Rating 5/5 Word Count 2540 Review this Chapter
This was getting annoying. Very annoying. How long was he planning to keep this up? I had enough problems with a lost love myself; I didn’t need to feel his pain, too. How am I supposed to feel pity for him when the only thing he’s doing is making my life harder? I don’t need to be plagued by thoughts about her every minute I am werewolf. I don’t need to feel his pain because she loved another. All everyone wanted was for him to get over her so that we could all function properly. But he refused to even think about anyone but her. Selfish. That was one word to describe him.
That thought made me laugh. Jacob Black selfish? That was like saying pigs could fly. Jacob Black was the last person anyone could call selfish. I was being foolish, letting my thoughts and grudges mix in with the truth. Jacob put his heart and soul into being a werewolf, something none of us wanted to do - well, except for Quil anyway. No one wanted to be a werewolf. No one wanted this fate. While I reject it, the other pack members don’t. They take it in stride. But Jacob is the only one who takes being a werewolf and uses it to his advantage. He patrols our land with a fury no one else possesses. But even so, why did he have to torture us with his thoughts? It’s not like I want to think about her. Bella Swan. She was the cause of all of our problems. Why did she kiss him? He keeps on thinking about it, and now I’m having dreams about it. Every thought that runs through his head as a werewolf becomes mine. Every fantasy becomes mine. Every thought I don’t want to think about becomes mine.
I saw a figure sitting at the edge of the cliff, where we all knew he would be. Finally, I thought. Time to end all of this.
“Jacob, do you think this is going to take too much longer?” I asked walking up to him, referring to his obsession with the girl. My tone of voice was probably harsher then I meant it to be, but I was tired of all of this. I was getting frustrated.
He didn’t respond. I narrowed my eyes at him. He wasn’t shaking, and he didn’t even seem to notice my comment. He didn’t even have to think about calming himself down. I was jealous. I wasn’t as good a werewolf.
“Jump off a cliff, Leah,” Jacob said coolly, pointing to the one we were standing in front of. Just like your girlfriend? I thought of saying, but I held my tongue. One could only be pushed so far.
“Really, kid,” I said, ignoring his comment so that I wouldn’t slip up and blurt out something I would regret later. I sat down next to him, tryingto be friendly. “You have no idea how hard this is for me.” For all of us, that is.
“For you?” he asked, his eyebrows raising. “You are the most self-absorbed person alive, Leah. I hate to shatter the dream world you live in-the one where the sun is orbiting the place where you stand- so I won’t tell you how little I care what your problem is. Go away.” Oh, self-absorbed am I? Sorry to tell you this, kid, but I have dealt with more loss then you ever had. The world isn’t this paradise where you can fall in love and then kiss someone’s fiancée. The world is an awful place, and I’m just getting my revenge. I was broken into millions of pieces, and I needed to take my rage out on something…everything.
“Just look at this from my perspective, okay?” I said, trying not to show my anger. Ha, I’ll show him. He isn’t this perfect being he thinks he is. He’s just normal like the rest of us. It’s not like he’s the first person to ever have a broken heart.
“If I pretend to listen, will you leave?” he asked, glancing at me. I frowned and tried to breathe deeply. Why does he think that he isn’t affecting the whole pack? That he’s the only one suffering? He’s opening old wounds, wounds I want to stay closed. I was once loved, and I was beautiful, inside and out. I was the happiest person alive. And now? My true love left me, my father died, I am a werewolf, I can’t even be around normal people without the chance of accidentally killing them! And he wondered what my problem is? Let them live a day in my shoes. I frowned at how insensitive he was being.
“This is making me sick, Jacob,” I growled, going with another train of thought. “Can you imagine what this feels like to me? I don’t even like Bella Swan. And you’ve got me grieving over this leech-lover like I’m in love with her, too. Can you see where that might be a little confusing? I dreamed of kissing her last night!” I recoiled from the memory. I had washed my mouth out with soap the minute I had woken up. “What the hell am I supposed to do with that?” Huh? Don’t you even care that you are torturing me, too?
“Do I care?” he asked, irritated. Yes! You should care! Care about someone other than yourself for once!
“I can’t stand being in your head anymore!” I shouted. “Get over her already! She’s going to marry that thing. He’s going to try to change her into one of them! Time to move on, boy,” I said, desperate to have the thoughts that plagued me whenever I was a werewolf out of my head.
“Shut up,” Jacob growled. Oh, me? I should shut up? Well, just get over her, you baby! Then maybe we all can have some peace and quiet! You’re the one who keeps on blabbing about her.
I saw him trying to stay calm; he shuddered a tiny bit. But that only made me feel even more irritated. People are supposed to get angry! Get angry and not have to risk killing someone in the process! My fury fueled my words, and I had no power to stop them.
“He’ll probably just kill her anyway,” I sneered. Time to face the facts, kid. You’ll never see her again. You’ll never be happy with her. And if you do see her, she will be happy with her leech boyfriend! Not you! “All the stories say that happens more often than not.” I knew I was going too far, but the words wouldn’t stop. My rage was like coal, making my words burn even hotter and wilder. “Maybe a funeral will be better closure then a wedding. Ha.” It would be the same anyway. Once the leech bites her, she’s dead. Her heart will stop beating. And no matter how many times Jacob tries to think otherwise, he’s wrong. Once a love leaves you, that’s it. They are dead to you. I’d rather not see Sam at all. It would be better if he just left La Push and left me in peace! I don’t need to be teased every day of my life!
Jacob started to shake violently. I saw him wresting his inner wolf. I smiled, despite the pain he was clearly in. I was glad that my words made some impact on him. Maybe he will finally listen to me and just stop thinking about her. Then we can all forget about her and the chaos she had caused.
“If you’re upset about gender confusion, Leah…” Jacob said slowly. I went too far. I knew it. I wondered briefly how he was going to counter my verbal attack. “How do you think the rest of us like looking at Sam through your eyes?” Oh, no. Dread started to well up in me. Please, anything but that…. “It’s bad enough Emily has to deal with your fixation. She doesn’t need us guys panting after him, too.” Pain shot through me. I shivered and tried to hold myself together. He had promised. He had promised he would never hurt me. We would get married after college and live someplace nice. Raise a family. We would live a happy, fun-filled life. And he broke all of his promises. And he broke my heart. Every day I have to live with myself. Everyday I have to live with the fact that my life was changed for the worst and that I will never be happy again. I’m destined to live and die alone. I didn’t want to face that knowledge, and Jacob was shoving it in my face.
I scrambled to my feet, wanting to get away from Jacob. I wanted to be alone with my misery. I wanted to just lay in the dirt and curse my existence and everything that had ever hurt me.
I spit in Jacob’s direction and ran into the woods. I pulled off my clothes and exploded into a wolf. I held my pants and shirt in my mouth as I ran as far and as fast as I could - away from Jacob and the pain he kept reminding me of.
I must’ve been running in large circles because I wasn’t that far from La Push when I finally fell to the ground, exhausted. I slowly transformed back into a human, pulling my clothes on groggily. Then the sobbing started. Tears streamed down my face, and my throat hurt from the harsh sounds that escaped my throat. But with sadness came anger, and I stood up shakily, my vision blurred with tears.
“Is this what you wanted?” I screamed, throwing my arms out. I didn’t know who I was screaming to exactly, but my wrath was bubbling over. I screamed, punching a tree. I heard a crack, but I wasn’t sure if it came from the tree or me. “I was in love and then he left me!” I sobbed, throwing myself against another tree. I screamed again and kicked the tree with all of my might. I felt the pain then, but it wasn’t enough to stop me.
“Do you expect me to be happy? Do you expect me to live my life like nothing has happened?” My voice was shrill and loud, I was sure half of the reservation could hear me. “What do you want from me?” I screamed again and then threw myself at the tree again. I was in a frenzy. I tore at everything around me, wanting everything I touched to feel the pain I felt everyday. Every minutes of every day! “Why can’t I just live life like someone normal?” The tears blurred my vision, and I didn’t know what I was swiping at until I hit something soft and hard.
“Leah!” I heard a familiar voice call me. “Calm down!” I forced my eyes open and saw Sam standing there, a worried look on his face. I also saw two gashes on his cheek where my nails hit him.
“Get away from me!” I yelled, pushing away as hard as I could. He stumbled backwards, almost tripping over an exposed tree root. “Get back to your precious Emily,” I sneered and ran away as fast as I could. It didn’t even occur to me that I was a werewolf and could run ten times faster than as a human. But I just wanted to stay human. I just wanted to be normal.
“Leah, stop!” Sam commanded, running to catch up with me. I shook my head and ran faster. I jumped over exposed tree roots, not knowing where I was going. But then I felt something yank me backwards, and I nearly tripped at the sudden deceleration. I glared at Sam, who looked exhausted and slightly ticked off. “This has to stop, Leah,” he panted, his tone pleading. “I know it’s hard for you. I know you don’t like the way your life turned out, but please, just be reasonable!” I glared at him, my fury building again. “I just want you to be happy,” he said. I snorted.
“That’s the last thing anyone wants,” I spat. “You all hate me!”
“Leah, that’s not true!” Sam yelled. I stomped my foot and kicked dirt in his direction.
“Don’t give me that!” I screamed. “I can hear all of your thoughts! You all wish that I wasn’t even born! You all wish that you never even met me!”
“Leah!” Sam yelled, his hands balled up into fists. “We all just want you to be happy like you once were! We’re all sorry-”
“I don’t want your pity!” I cried and broke away from him. He let me run this time. He didn’t chase after me. I was glad that he didn’t. I didn’t want to see him.
I didn’t know where I was going until I reached the little cottage. And I didn’t even realize that I wasn’t alone until someone wrapped an arm around me and led me into the house.
“It’s okay, Leah,” Emily whispered. I shook my head and then sobbed. What happened to my life? She sighed and got up to get me some water.
“No,” I replied tersely. “It’s not okay.” Nothing was okay. Emily sat down next to me and handed me the water. I gulped it down, not realizing how thirsty I was.
“Everyone goes through a hard time in their life,” Emily said softly. I glanced at her quickly, not believing a word she said.
“Oh, and everyone loses their father and turns into a giant hairy wolf in the span of a few months?” I asked, raising my eyebrows.
“You have it harder then others,” Emily admitted quietly. “But you aren’t alone,” she said earnestly. “You have a whole pack behind you. You have your family-”
“The pack hates me, and my family wishes that I was never born. My mother complains about me being wild and out of control and my brother thinks that I’m cruel,” I grumbled, determined to argue about anything Emily said. But she just sighed and handed me a blanket that was draped across the couch.
“You’re not alone, Leah,” Emily said, stubborn. “You may not realize this now, but you are surrounded by people who only want what’s best for you.”
“They call me a ‘bitter harpy’,” I grumbled.
“Just try to be happy,” Emily encouraged, her horribly scarred face earnest.
“And how am I supposed to do that?” I asked irritated.
“Just be happy,” Emily said simply and walked out of the room. I curled up in a ball and wrapped the blanket around me. How was I supposed to be happy when I lost so much? My father, my love, my humanity…
I looked out the window and saw a butterfly land on the sill. It was so beautiful and simple. Serenity was the first word that came to mind. But why couldn’t my life be as simple and joyful? Could it ever be, after all that I’ve been through? Could I, if I worked hard enough, be happy?