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She Holds My Heart in the Palm of Her Hand

Summary:
A story written from Edward's point of view. What if Edward had never gone to the Volturi? What if Bella had never jumped off the cliff? What would Edward have done if six months had already passed?


Notes:


1. Chapter 1

Rating 5/5   Word Count 631   Review this Chapter

“You can only push something so far to the point that there is no return. “ His voice in my head was the only thing that kept me sane in the long span of darkness. “You’ve done something you knew you would regret – and now there is no going back. Do you understand what you can never do now, my son?” My fingertips tore at the fabric of my shirt sleeve as I struggled to contain my anger.

“Please, just leave me,” I decided out loud. “Leave!” I didn’t mean to be so disrespectful towards him – but my anger got the better of me. If I let him continue speaking and let him push me to my limit, I would crack and there was no telling who would get hurt. All I needed was some time – some time to think things through, contemplate my next move.

“If you believe you are doing what is right, don’t let me be the one to stop you.” He said it aloud, as if he weren’t thinking it in his mind at all. But before I could hear any more, he was gone and out of my range. Not knowing what he was really thinking ignited some sort of emotion I hadn’t felt for a long time – anger. But there was a definite emotion that overshadowed everything else – pain.

It was her face that I saw every time I closed my eyes, or did anything, in general. I strayed far away from the human populace in a worthless attempt to have as much uninterrupted time as I could with my memories of the one human who had touched my heart – taken it and wrenched it out of my heart unknowingly. In the technical sense of the world, it had been me who had broken my own heart. I left her in the forest to fend for her own self in the cruel world. I left her, even though I knew I needed her like… well, there was no comparison. If I held my breath, I didn’t need air. I knew that I needed her more than I needed my natural food source. It was the only thing I could think of that held one hundredth of the same potency.

I wouldn’t last much longer, I knew.

But what could I do? I had promised her ‘peace without reminders’, and as selfish as it was to think of myself in times like these, I knew she would be thinking of me, as well. Definitely not as much as I thought about her – I didn’t want to think of her in pain remembering the monster that I was. I was selfish enough to consider going back to check on her, to see if she was well. I knew I wouldn’t be strong enough to stay away completely – maybe I’d stay nearby for a while and keep an eye on her… I was desperate at this point to catch a glimpse of her pale face, flushed red with emotion. She wouldn’t see me, but I would see her.

Peace without reminders. You can’t go back, Edward. She’ll see you watching her, and then you won’t be able to leave. Then all the sacrifices for her will be wasted and she’ll be in danger because of you once again. Don’t let your selfishness get in the way of what’s right – maybe not for you, but for her. She can’t live every moment balancing on the tip of a knife.

Peace without reminders. I won’t let her see me, then.

Can I go forward when my heart is here? Turn back, dull earth, and find thy centre out.

– Romeo, Romeo and Juliet