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September

Summary:
Bella's 18th birthday party from Jasper's point of view.... ON HIATUS....


Notes:
Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine, and neither are the books, Twilight and New Moon. They are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Some of the dialogue will seem familiar and a few lines due to the fact that I borrowed it from Chapter 1 of New Moon. Well this is my first fan fiction, ever, so be brutal if you must. Criticism is always welcome. In some ways it was hard to write from Jasper's POV because you don't really see much of him, especially in New Moon. I'm not sure if this will be a one-shot or not, I think it might. Though you can help me decide if you like....


6. The Leaving Song

Rating 4.5/5   Word Count 1992   Review this Chapter

Over the next few weeks, I saw Edward very little. He would leave his room to hunt every two weeks or so, and remain shut off in his room for the duration of the time.

He had his music with him but he rarely listened to it. Sometimes, he would listen to Debussy over and over again, as well as the lullaby he wrote for Bella. He never read any of his books, nor did he come anywhere near a piano.

He didn’t speak to any of us, nor did he acknowledge our presence when we were around him. When any of us offered to go hunting with him, he ignored us. It was like he no longer existed within himself. He lost all reason for living.

Alice wasn’t herself either. She had more life to her than Edward, but she also had a dead look to her eyes. She had lost her best friend.

Emmett didn’t make jokes anymore; it was as if he couldn’t remember what a joke was. It was hard to deal with, since his usual nature is to solve mostly everything by joking around.

Esme never smiled anymore. There was such sadness in her eyes, as well as her soul. Both she and Carlisle were very depressed. They had lost a daughter, and now their first son was shutting himself off from the family…and the world.

Rosalie, well she was Rosalie. She acted as if Edward didn’t do anything wrong. However, she knew Emmett was hurting so she kept her opinions to herself, thankfully.

This family had lost all life. It was painful to feel everything that was radiating off of them. No happy emotions were produced in our household. It was literally like the living dead inside. Any passerby would swear that no one was living in here.

I wasn’t even capable of sending out any waves of calm because of all the other emotions weighing down on me from my family, not to mention my own. It was just so hard to get through a day, let alone at night. At least nights are shorter when comparing to the amount of time the moon spends in the sky.

There are no flowers, no not this time,
There'll be no angels gracing the lines,
Just these stark words, I find.
I'd show a smile, but I'm too weak,
I'd share with you could I only speak,
Just how much this, hurts me.

I was sitting on the couch with Alice when Edward came out of his room to hunt. He left the house without taking in his surroundings or greeting anyone, nothing out of the ordinary.

It had been two months since we left Forks. Alice was sure that he wouldn’t be able to resist this long, we all were. None of us thought he could last a month without returning to Bella and begging for her forgiveness. But he did.

How could this have happened? I was glad he wasn’t here to read my thoughts, not that he would have been interested, dead and lifeless as he is. I didn’t want to cause him anymore pain than necessary though.

I couldn’t help but blame myself. If I had more control, then we would still be in Forks, Edward would be with Bella, and every single one of us would be happy. Esme would smile, Alice would laugh more, and Emmett would tell his jokes.

I know Rosalie may not have missed Bella, but she did miss Forks. She blamed Bella for our leaving, when it wasn’t even her fault. It was mine! The blame wasn’t all mine though, I had come to realize that. It was also Edward’s stupidity and stubborn attitude.

I can’t help but think that if we had tried harder, maybe made his see somehow that he couldn’t leave because neither he nor Bella would survive, then we would have stayed. I sighed. There was nothing that could be done now. He wasn’t coherent enough to listen to any argument we would bring up now.

Walked away, heard them say
"Poison hearts will never change, walk away again"
Turned away in disgrace
Felt the chill upon my face cooling from within

I moved Alice so that she was sitting in my lap. I knew she was hurting, even if she wouldn’t say it out loud. She buried her head in my chest, breathing in my scent and sighing.

“Edward’s on his way back…” she whispered quietly. I kissed her forehead and took her hand in mine.

I nodded. “He’ll walk in and go up to his room, locking himself in there for another week or so. It’s not anything different from any of the other times.”

Oh how I wish I hadn’t said that. Suddenly Alice stiffened in my arms, going into one of her visions. I could feel the anguish and turmoil coming from her, and it was physically painful for me.

As she came out of it, Edward walked in the front door and stopped to look at us both. Alice stared back at him, a pained expression on her face contrasting with his own expressionless one.

“You’re leaving?” she asked, but it sounded more like a statement. He looked at her sadly, no other emotion playing across his features.

It's hard to notice gleaming from the sky
When you're staring at the cracks
It's hard to notice what is passing by with eyes lowered

He nodded his head slowly. “It’s for the best…” he stated, trailing off.

By this time, the rest of the family had come into the room, followed by the Denali coven.

Alice jumped off my lap and glared at Edward. “What do you mean ‘it’s for the best’?! You’re the one that said we should leave and let Bella live a normal human life. And we did. We did this for you Edward! For you! And now you’re just going to leave us all? That’s unacceptable!”

I put a calming hand on Alice, though I knew it would do little to soothe her. She wasn’t the only one who was angry.

Esme shook her head. “Please Edward, stay with us. I know you’re hurting right now, but going off on your own isn’t a good idea, not now at least.”

“How can you think of doing this?” Emmett asked. “Edward, you may be really sad right now, we all are, but it’s not for the best.” Edward shook his head in disagreement. “Will you just listen to us for once?! We left Forks, losing a little sister, a daughter and the love of your life! Now, you want to run off to God knows where and have us lose our brother as well? You want Carlisle and Esme to go through the loss of another child?”

If Esme and Alice were human, they would have been sobbing with endless tears by this time. As it was, Esme was dry sobbing into Carlisle’s chest while I held Alice tightly.

You... walked away, heard them say
"Poisoned hearts will never change, walk away again"

The Denali coven stayed silent, surveying the scene played out before them. I was also waiting for Rosalie to start shouting, but surprisingly she stayed silent. However, I could feel the anger rolling off of her in waves, so it wouldn’t be long now.

“I’m not making anything better by staying here,” Edward told us all. “I don’t need to hear your thoughts of pity for me, nor do I want to hear how sad and depressed all your thoughts are. I know that it’s my fault, that’s why I have to leave.”

All the cracks, they lead right to me
And all the cracks will crawl right through me
All the cracks, they lead right to me
And all the cracks will crawl right through me, and I fell apart

“I don’t want to inflict my pain on any of you…” Edward was cut off by none other than Rosalie. I knew it wouldn’t be long.

“Oh stop being such a martyr, Edward. Just get over it!” she yelled at him, glaring the while time. “If it wasn’t for that human, we would still be in Forks.”

“Rosalie,” Emmett warned quietly.

“No Emmett, this has gone on long enough. I’ve kept my silence and let you all brood and mourn, but enough is enough! Move on and forget about her.” She turned her attention to Edward. “Stop acting like you’re dying. This was your choice, live with it.”

I saw Edward wince from the impact of her harsh words.

“Rose, this isn’t the time.” Emmett told her.

“It’s the perfect time!” she fumed. “Someone has to tell all of you how ridiculous you’re acting.” She paused. “Jasper, this isn’t your fault. It’s hers,” she sneered, “Bella’s. That human…”

“That’s enough!” Carlisle shouted angrily, cutting Rosalie off. She looked just as shocked as the rest of us.

Carlisle had never raised his voice at us, he was always so calm. I suppose Rosalie’s accusations of Bella had angered him since she never did anything wrong. I’m betting he also disliked Rosalie telling everyone to get over it, like it was a bad thunderstorm, or a toy was broken. It was so much more than that.

“Rosalie, it would be better if you kept those opinions to yourself right now,” he said, resorting to his calm demeanor.

“Everyone is in pain right now, so we need comfort, not a slap in the face,” Alice told her.

I nodded in agreement, as did Emmett. He grabbed hold of his wife, pulling her back. Carlisle turned his attention to Edward.

“Edward, I really don’t want you to leave. It would be hard on all of us, you especially. I don’t like the idea of you being alone while in the condition you’re in.”

“I’ll be fine, Carlisle,” Edward whispered. “You don’t need to worry about me.”

Carlisle watched him for a few moments. “But I will worry.” He sighed in defeat. “Don’t keep away for too long.”

Edward nodded. “I’ll take my cell phone with me if you need anything, and I’ll call to check in every once in a while. When you move out of here, I’ll come back to visit for a bit before I leave again.” He took a deep breath. “I better go pack a few things.” He sped past us and up to his room.

I could feel Esme’s grief. She felt like she had lost her son for good, like he would never come back from the dark. It was heartbreaking.

We waited for Edward to come back down stairs, ready to say our goodbyes. Alice, like Esme, was dry sobbing. I looked around at all the sad, defeated faces. This family was falling apart.

Edward returned and said goodbye to the Denali coven, then turned to face us. He walked up to Carlisle and Esme, and they both embraced him in a tight loving hug.

“Come back soon,” Esme whispered quietly to Edward.

Carlisle nodded in agreement. “You’ll always be welcomed back, no matter the mood you’re in.”

My brother then turned to Emmett and Rosalie, who both gave him small smiles, telling him to keep in touch.

Then it was Alice’s and my turn. Alice launched herself at him, hugging him fiercely with her little arms.

Then I took him into a brotherly embrace. “Take care of yourself,” I told him. Don’t wait too long to come back to us. We’re here if you need anything. He nodded at my words and thoughts, giving me a small sad smile.

“I will, and I know,” he answered me.

I stepped away from him as he took another look around the room. He made his way to the door, but paused as Emmett spoke up.

“We love you little brother.”

Edward faced us and made eye contact with each of us for the first time in months since he left Bella. Then he was gone, with the few belongings he had packed.

As I... walked away, heard them say
"Poisoned hearts will never change"
Walked away again
Turned away in disgrace
Felt the chill upon my face cooling from within

I looked at the rest of my family, minus the two members who were missing. Once again, I thought the six words I had only months ago. Nothing would ever be the same.