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Bella's Wedding Day

Bella's big day has finally arrived. BUT what happens when an old friend comes to wish her good luck? WARNING...if you don't like Jacob, you won't like my story. :)

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer rocks! The people are hers...not mine.

11. Chapter 11 - Pros and Cons

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Chapter 11 - Pro and Cons

Bella POV

Angela was right. This was a good idea. She let me do whatever it was that I felt like doing at the moment whether that was crying, laughing my head off or saying absolutely nothing at all. She followed my lead. I had never been more thankful for her friendship than I was right now.

We’d been on the road for almost six hours. Just a couple more and we’d be at our first stop. Roseburg, Oregon. I was glad that Angela had done this trip with her family before. Her dad had given her the map they’d used a ofcouple years ago when their family had made the 20 hour drive to Disneyland. 20 hours!

So far so good though. It hadn’t been a bad drive. I was even taking my turn. When Angela fell asleep, my thoughts seemed to drift to the problem at hand. What had I done to my life. “How am I going to fix this.I even found myself talking out loud. As long as she kept snoring I knew I would be alone with my thoughts.

“Okay, Bella. So you made the choice once already. Evidently, you didn’t think it through very well. How can you make this decision?” I paused, bit my lip and tried to think of a solution.

“Pros and Cons. Yeah, that’ll work. Let’s try that.” I took a deep breath.

“Okay, so Edward. Pros. He’s beautiful. Just thinking his name makes my heart melt.” This was so not going to work. Let’s try the cons. “Cons. What is it about Edward that could be negatives?” Again I paused to consider.

“Edward can be overprotective. But so can Jacob.” Aargh! I was going to have to stick to their differences.

Angela snorted restlessly. I guess I wouldn’t be able to think out loudafter all.

Edward is so serious all the time whereas Jacob is carefree.Jacob is younger than me. Edward is older, by a lot.Edward hurt me. Jacob hurt me too. But I’d hurt them both worse!

“This is not helping!” I mumbled under my breath. “This is ridiculous!” What will I be sacrificing with each choice? Okay, this is a good line of questioning. I would focus on me instead of them.

Edward. If I choose Edward, I will have to give up getting older. I could definitely live with that.

I would have to give up blushing, crying and hopefully being a klutz. Those were three things I could definitely live without.

I would also have to give up eating food. I wasn’t sure how much I liked the idea of drinking blood. I’m sure I’d get used to it. I wrinkled my nose at the idea.

My heart would no longer beat. I wouldn’t need to breathe. I could run really fast.

I could probably beat Emmett at arm wrestling. I smiled at that.

Okay, this is good. I think I’m getting somewhere here. What else?

I stared out the window when my train of thought made my stomach jump.

If I choose Edward, I will have to give up Charlie, Renee, Angela... I involuntarily looked at my sweet friend sitting in the passenger seat andI felt really sad.

I made myself continue.

I would also never have children. I didn’t really want them right now. But after talking with Rosalie and watching Esme, I wondered if my feelings on that might change someday.

I would have to give up the sunshine, at least in public view. I realized the double meaning of sunshine -- Jacob -- and forced myself to keep going.

Okay, so let’s consider Jacob. I had to force myself to be unbiased.

By choosing Jacob, I would have to give up...

Edward. And the Cullens. I was saddened by that.

I continued to stare ahead out the windshield at the highway considering all the other things I would lose by choosing Jacob. That’s when it hit me. Nothing. I would sacrifice nothing else.

Can I live without Edward -- forever? I had once considered him the love of my existence. Had that changed somewhere along the line?

Can I live without Jacob?

Holy Crow! All the progress I thought I’d just made was now in the proverbial toilet and I would have to start again. How frustrating. It seemed that all my mind wanted to do was go around and around in circles. I was going to take a break from thinking about this for now.

We were only 10 miles from Roseburg so I decided to wake Angela since I had no more idea than a frog where I was supposed to go once we got there. “Ang. Wake up. We’re almost there.”

“Huh?” she grumbled. “Oh, okay.” She said, rubbing her eyes. She looked around to get her bearings. “Okay, it’s just up here a little ways off to the right.”