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A Million Shattered Crystal Pieces

Summary:
When Edward left, we all saw the desolation Bella underwent. But what went on in Edward's mind when he was about to leave his one true love? This one shot is from Edward's point of view and his shows his heartbreak before he leaves Forks. Please Read and Review!!


Notes:


1. A Million Shattered Crystal Pieces

Rating 5/5   Word Count 729   Review this Chapter

I was leaving her, I told myself. Love was meant to bring joy and happiness, not impending death. Yet, each time I had meant to tell her, each time I looked into her soft brown eyes, my voice had betrayed me. It would break her, I knew. Much like it was already breaking me, but for her sake, I had to go. For her, the wait would be in years, but for me, it would be endless centuries of this torturous pain. I had lived a long life, if one could call my damned existence a life, and meeting her had finally given me a reason to live. And as I had told her dozens of times, it was my pure selfishness that kept me so close though I knew I should have let go. It was time for me to give her freedom. Even now, as I sat in my car, the engine idle, I could feel my hands begin to tremble at the thought of losing her. For once, I did not want to reach her house and see her as fast as I could. They had tried to convince me, each in their own ways. Alice, berating me for even thinking that leaving her was the best option. Her disapproval was clear through her thoughts, which were constantly shouting in my mind. Jasper, as usual tried to ease tensions, his guilt evident through his silence. But even while calm, my resolve could not be broken. In the end, it was Carlisle as usual that wore down my last thread of doubt with his simple words. "It is you that must live with the consequences Edward. We cannot relieve you of the pain you will feel." He was right, as he almost always is. It was my burden to carry, this insane love I felt for Bella. The danger I had already put her through was evidence to my own self-centeredness. Yet, even this choice to leave, was made due to this same selfishness. I would die if any harm were to come to her, as ironic as that sounded to even my own ears. Even she could not comprehend the love I had for her, the pain I was willing to feel to keep her safe. This was just another trial I had to overcome, and if I loved her enough, I would. Eventually, she would forget about me, years weathering down her love until I only existed in her memories. I however, I would remember forever the way she stared into my eyes, her lack of breath as we kissed, her sweet smell that would haunt me for eternity. Even as I tried to convince myself that this is what I wanted, I was not happy. I wanted nothing more than to spend my soulless life with her, loving her until she grew out of her love for me. I could make her into the same monster that I was now; it was after all what she had wanted. At least, it was what she wanted now, and I knew and loved her enough to realize that she would never blame me for it. But she would regret it- I had no doubt. As grateful as I was to Carlisle, I would have never chosen this fate for myself, at least until I met Bella. She would be too kind to hate me, but resentful enough that slowly, but surely, her resent towards me would eventually overshadow her love. I would love her forever, and if fate were to be so cruel as to deal me a hand as that, the perpetuity I was forced to live would only be that much more miserable. So now, even as I drove towards what was to be the end of my happiness, I comforted myself with the idea that it was in fact, the beginning of her life. A life without me- and the danger and disaster that came with it. Blood had stopped pumping through my veins years ago, and thus I was no longer human, no longer able to feel the emotions that they felt. But I could not help but feel as if my heart- if it could still be called that- was breaking. Into a million shattered crystal pieces with edges so jagged and sharp, that no amount of time could possibly mend.