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The Workings of a Truly Random Mind

Summary:
It's Twilight, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Monty Python, and various other random things that have absolutely nothing to do with vampires all rolled into one. (Spiderman may make an appearance) I own absolutely none of the characters or anything else- they are the property of their respective owners.


Notes:
It's seriously random; don't say I didn't warn you. Please review.


2. "Spider Man"

Rating 5/5   Word Count 792   Review this Chapter

As the Edward, Bella and Marvin walked; Marvin became more and more irritable. As he was always extremely grouchy this was an achievement of sorts. After walking for about half an hour he exclaimed angrily

“What are we even looking for? I don’t even know who you people are and I am following you blindly, BLINDLY! All I want is to get back to the Heart of Gold, but even then I know extremely menial tasks await me. WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS!!!!!!”

“Are you done yet?” asked Edward, his tone surly, “you do realize that we don’t know what we’re looking for anymore than you do right?”

“If neither of us know what we are doing we should probably look for the number 42,” stated Marvin. In response to Bella and Edward’s looks he continued, “42 is supposed to be the answer to life the universe and everything. What better way to find out what we are supposed to be doing than looking for the ultimate answer. Of course the odds of us finding anything with the number 42 in this place are very low, about a 0.00000000000000000000001% if my calculations are correct.”

“Oh great, another cryptic plot advancer- here we go again,” moaned Edward.

“What do you mean “find the number 42” is it going to be shimmering in the air or something?” asked Bella.

“We have to find a sign,” replied Marvin.

“Should we just keep going or what?” queried Bella somewhat impatiently.

“The way we were going is as good a place to look as any I suppose,” replied Marvin with a long depressed sigh.

They walked on the trail for what seemed like forever. Then, the trail they were walking on suddenly opened into a clearing, a clearing that happened to be covered with giant spiders. The bodies of the spiders were about six inches long. They began to swarm Bella, Edward and Marvin.

“There are 42 spiders here,” Marvin noticed.

“Uhh, that’s useful, but in case you didn’t notice while you were counting the spiders, WE ARE BEING SURROUNDED!” Bella shouted at Marvin.

Just then however, a person entered the clearing. He was wearing a very freaky blue and red spandex outfit, with a black spider on the back.

“I am Spider Man!” he announced proudly.

“You live in a forest with spiders and you call yourself Spider Man. Wow that’s original. What’s with the freaky outfit anyways?” Bella said all of this very sarcastically but the sarcasm intensified at the last sentence.

“I need to keep my identity a secret,” whispered “Spider Man”.

“What is there to hide, you live in a forest. Why would you need to hide that it was you who lived in the forest anyways?”

“I ran away from the city after I lost my “Spidey Powers” and so I live here with my friends,” as “Spider Man” said this he glanced fondly at the spiders that were trying to crawl up the legs of Bella, Edward and Marvin.

“Are you going to call them off or will you let your “friends” swarm us?” asked Edward trying to put a persuasive edge in his velvety voice.

“Meh, I don’t feel like talking to you anymore, see ya,” responded “Spider Man” clearly put out by the fact that he was unused to sarcastic remarks. He realized he did not appreciate them. “Spider Man” found he didn’t really care what his friends did to the strangers. Perhaps if they hadn’t mocked his precious blue and red outfit he would be more ready to help them.

“Try not to move,” said Marvin, “your movement will make them want to overtake us faster. Not that it really matters; we’re going to die anyways.”

Of course, these could not be harmless little garden spiders. No, they had to be carnivorous human-eating spiders. The spiders were steadily making their way up to their mouths. The spiders were smart; they knew that if they all swarmed a victim’s mouth, it would eventually suffocate. Then they would be able to feed on the carcass to their tiny heart’s content. Unfortunately for Edward and Bella they had razor sharp teeth that could cut through practically anything, even rock hard vampire flesh.

Just as the spiders had made it to their victim’s shoulders, an ancient, beat up blue Ford Angla came bursting through the trees. It’s front doors and one of the back doors opened up instantly. Brushing as many spiders off as they could, Marvin, Bella and Edward made their way to the car. As soon as they were inside the car, the car started driving itself. Suddenly the car lurched into the air slightly jerkily, and they were flying over the vast forest, into the horizon.