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The Workings of a Truly Random Mind

Summary:
It's Twilight, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Monty Python, and various other random things that have absolutely nothing to do with vampires all rolled into one. (Spiderman may make an appearance) I own absolutely none of the characters or anything else- they are the property of their respective owners.


Notes:
It's seriously random; don't say I didn't warn you. Please review.


3. Lord Voldemort and the Supernatural Prowess of Bella.

Rating 0/5   Word Count 1213   Review this Chapter

As day eventually turned into night, Bella Edward and Marvin became very bored. They decided they would play I Spy.

"Uh I spy something... blue!" said Bella

"Let me guess, it's the sky," Edward exclaimed, the game of I Spy was not making him any less bored. In fact, it was progressively making him more irritable as they had nothing to look at and kept repeating the same few things.

"Darn you got me again," responded Bella.

"I spy with my little eye something that is... white," said Edward

"Is it... your skin?" asked Bella

"Nope."

"Is it... a cloud?" asked Marvin, whom was also clearly bored out of his mind. He had not thought it was possible for him to move beyond the constant state of tedium that plagued him. However, he had, made clear by the fact he had agreed to play I Spy in the first place.

"Uh huh."

"I spy with my little eye... something that constantly shifts colour and is impossible to tell the colour of without completely blinding oneself," stated Marvin.

"The sun," exclaimed Bella and Edward simultaneously.

"Okay, I can't take it anymore! I can't play this game anymore it will be the death of my sanity!" Edward all but screamed.

"Sheesh, don't have a heart attack," Bella said ironically, "we won't play anymore I Spy."

Edward, who happened to be in the driver's side of the car, tried unsuccessfully to take control of the car. In fact if Edward hadn't known better, he would have sworn that the car had growled at him. Then again, he mused, cars didn't usually fly either. He was starting to reluctantly believe that nothing would surprise him anymore.

Fortunately for the sanity of Bella, Edward and Marvin, the car soon started to descend to the ground. After a large crash which had occurred when the bottom of the car flopped to the ground as soon as the front wheels had touched down. They had landed in front of a very uneven looking house that looked very structurally unsound. In front of it was a sign that read "The Burrow".

A tall boy with freckles and flaming red hair had poked his head out of the house, clearly checking what all the commotion was. Noticing the battered Ford Angla and the unfamiliar people getting out and stretching, he blanched.

"DAD!" he called, "I think you might want to come outside." From inside the odd looking house someone called back,

"Coming Ron!"

A thin balding man, with horn rimmed spectacles and hair as brilliant as the boy's came out of the house. He was clearly the boy's father. Catching sight of the car, he gasped and blinked clearly unsure if what he was seeing was real.

"My car," he muttered almost silently, "my baby she's... she's ALIVE!" Seeming to notice Bella, Edward and Marvin for the first time he asked them,

"Where did you find this? And how did you know to bring it here?" he asked clearly unperturbed by the fact that complete strangers had found his house and brought him his car which had been missing for nearly five years.

"Well, it was kind of in the woods where we were. It rescued us from these giant man-eating spiders. It flew here by itself; we didn't control it," Bella explained weakly, unsure if the man would be mad at him.

Now that the man had all the answers he needed about his car, he completely forgot that there were other people standing there. Bella Edward and Marvin decided it would be best if they left the man with his car; it was clearly a very emotional reunion. They followed the path for a short while. Then Bella walked right into a man that was standing on the path.

It seemed that the man had appeared out of thin air; that he had not been there before Bella had walked into him. That is if it was correct to call him a man. He looked more like a snake; his eyes were red slits and his skin almost as pale as Edward's.

"WHO DARES WALK INTO LORD VOLDEMORT!" demanded the man.

"Uh," said Bella weakly, "I do?"

"SUCH IMPUNITY, DO YOU NOT RELISE WHO I AM YOU WORTHLESS MUGGLE?!" Lord Voldemort shouted.

"No actually I don't," Bella muttered; even when she was being shouted at by a stranger she could not resist the sarcasm.

"I shall educate you then. I am Lord Voldemort, the most powerful wizard in a century. I am very nearly immortal, and I shall enjoy killing you

Edward chuckled slightly, "What exactly are you the lord of anyways?"

"STUPID MUGGLES! DO YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH?" shouted Lord Voldemort.

"Hardly, you just said you were going to kill us anyways. Plus," Edward grinned as he said this, "I'm a vampire and I'm immortal, Marvin's a robot, magic doesn't work on robots and Bella is a vampire too." Edward was bluffing slightly with the last statement; he hoped that Bella's skin was pale enough to pass as vamparific. He prayed that she wouldn't blush.

Lord Voldemort was lost in thought. He had recently learned of a spell that would let him transfer a dominant attribute of one person into himself. This meant it might be possible for him to obtain the flawless immortality of a vampire himself. However he was practically immortal already, if something went wrong...

All of this processing took about half a second. In the end it was Lord Voldemort's greed that forced his hand. He pointed his wand at Bella and screamed,

"Attributa Transferi!"

A jet of light hit Bella, connecting her to Lord Voldemort. The power of the spell was such that Voldemort's wand flew from his hand. The spell had worked however, he gotten a dominant attribute of Bella's; just not the one he expected. Lord Voldemort was now supernaturally clumsy. As Lord Voldemort was unused to being this clumsy, it affected him even worse than it affected Bella. He attempted to walk but ended up stumbling and falling into an exceptionally wide, deep well that was a few feet to his right. Bella, Edward and Marvin waited to hear the thud that would accompany his hitting the bottom, and waited and waited.

About a minute later they heard a faint thud.

"According to my calculations," said Marvin, "that well must be at least 3000 feet deep."

Unfortunately for Lord Voldemort, he was as he said, immortal. He was doomed to an eternity of sitting at the bottom of a dark, dank well with no way of escaping. All he could really do was shout. People mostly misinterpreted what this meant however and thought it meant that you would get good luck if you threw coins in the well. So now Voldemort would be stuck at the bottom of a well with increasingly dirty coins being thrown at him all due to his own greed and hunger for power.

Glancing nervously at the well for a last time before moving on, Bella, Marvin and Edward decided to head towards the mountains and whatever awaited them there.