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The Workings of a Truly Random Mind

It's Twilight, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Monty Python, and various other random things that have absolutely nothing to do with vampires all rolled into one. (Spiderman may make an appearance) I own absolutely none of the characters or anything else- they are the property of their respective owners.

It's seriously random; don't say I didn't warn you. Please review.


Rating 5/5   Word Count 1053   Review this Chapter

"I'm bushed! Can't we stop and rest now?" asked Bella after Edward had been running for about fifteen minutes.

"Okay, whatever was in the cave should be long gone by now," said Edward, still looking worried. He knew that Bella needed her rest, however so he did not argue even though his instincts were telling him to get the heck away from that creature in the cave.

Fifteen minutes later, Marvin was powered down and Bella was sleeping peacefully. Edward decided that this was a good time to try and figure out what the chicken was supposed to be for. He set off in the direction he was facing with the chicken in hand. For awhile he simply walked with the chicken, reveling in its presence for a reason that even Edward could not identify. Soon he realized that he had been sub-consciously stroking the head of the chicken.

Edward then heard a crash in the bushes. Edward cursed himself. He had been paying too much attention to the chicken; he had not heard anything approaching.

"MY PRECIOUSSSS," something hissed.

Edward clutched the chicken tightly for he knew that his entire being was now eternally fixated upon the little rubber chicken in his arms. His entire life with the chicken; the last half an hour; flashed before his eyes. He saw also his future, the chicken, understanding him in a way that would always elude Bella, the understanding of what it was like to be made of rubber. Edward didn't exactly know what this would feel like himself but he still felt very connected to the chicken. Edward squeezed the chicken tightly and suddenly, the chicken squawked and Edward was high in the air.

This is nice, he thought. He then smacked his head on the branch of a tree. What was that for, thought Edward.

YOU WERE ENJOYING YOURSELF TOO MUCH MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, boomed the eternal, omniscient (and super cool) voice of the narrator.

The rubber chicken was suddenly tired and decided now would be a good time to randomly stop flying. Had Edward been a normal human, he would have died a brutal, painful death. Fortunately, he was a vampire and survived without being injured. Unfortunately, he got caught in a tree and got a major wedgie.

Edward noticed that he was right above Bella and Marvin. He called out to Bella. She woke up but could not figure out where Edward's voice was coming from. She shrugged to herself and went back to sleep. He would have woken Marvin but unfortunately he had been powered down manually so he could not be awoken from far away.

The branch was unused to holding the weight of a vampire. The branch did not feel it was fair for it to have to hold the entire weight of a super heavy being so in protest it snapped itself. See how you like that hooligan, was the last thought that that particular branch ever thought.

Edward landed with a thud. Bella opened her eyes and noticing Edward hugged him tightly.

"Where were you anyways? I could have sworn I heard your voice but I couldn't see you," whispered Bella.

"I was stuck in a tree," responded Edward, who couldn't help but grin at the incredulous expression on Bella's face.

"Long story," said Edward quickly upon seeing the millions of questions forming in Bella's eyes.

Someone then walked into the makeshift camp of Bella, Edward and Marvin. She was very fair and dainty though clearly not a vampire; she wore a simple yet elegant white gown. Strangely enough, even though her gown was white it was completely spotless as was her fair skin.

"Who are you?" asked Bella staring at the stranger curiously.

"I am like totally the queen of the forest!" she announced in a somewhat nasal, high pitched voice.

"Jeez, are there any normal people in this story?" asked Edward.

"I am like here to like tell you that that chicken is like so totally evil!"

"Okay, what do you want us to do about it?" asked Bella, somewhat annoyed that they had to solve everyone else's problems.

"You like, totally need to go and take that smelly chicken to the mountain of destruction over there," she pointed at a volcano that they had not noticed which was less than 10 metres away from their camp.

"Isn't that a volcano, not a mountain?" asked Edward he was annoyed with the sheer idiocy of all of the people in this story, himself and Bella included.

"Aren't they like the same thing?"

"Never mind!" responded Edward irritably.

"Why don't you go take the chicken yourself if you want it destroyed so badly?" asked Bella whom was equally irritable for no intelligible reason. The only thing she could think of was that she despised refrigerators. As this had nothing to do with her current situation Bella merely accepted that fact that her sanity was slowly (or not so slowly) slipping away into an abyss she could never follow...

"OHHHHHHHH EDWARD LOOK! A PRETTY FIRE HYDRENT!!!!!!" Bella was now officially insane.

"I would get like really dirty if I went to do that with the totally icky smoke and grossness that is like on the mountain and this dress is like new.

"Fine, we'll go destroy your stupid chicken," sighed Edward somewhat over dramatically.

Bella and Edward walked for about twenty seconds, that's how long it took them to get to the volcano. They decided to leave Marvin, they were tired of his whining and they figured he was probably happier like that anyways. Edward picked up Bella and ran to the top of the volcano. Expecting something dramatic to happen, they waited for about five minuets on top of the volcano. When nothing happened Bella said:

"This is boring and anticlimatic." She threw the chicken into the volcano. Edward and Bella then left without so much as a backwards glance.

"That was really easy," said Edward, whom was very surprised. At that very moment a vortex opened up. It simply looked like a black swirly thingy. Bella attracted by the swirlyness ran into it and disappeared. Edward sighed and then followed into the vortex that would lead to pandemonium.