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My Life Once

Companion story to 'Do You Remember, James?' James' reflections of his life - of Victoria - when he is dying.

One of my favourite pairings - however morbid some may think it is. :)

1. Chapter 1

Rating 5/5   Word Count 1213   Review this Chapter

My Life Once

You know how they always say that at the moment of your death, you are able to see flashes of your life pass before your eyes? I know that we have laughed and mocked at this together, but, my dearest Victoria, it is all true.

It was like everything was in slow motion, something that happens frequently for our kind, but something about this makes my stomach lurch in the most uncharacteristic way. I knew I should have listened to my sister – since she could see glimpses of the future, after all – now I pay the price with my life.

I was always the pursuer, and it is certainly ironic that I am now the pursued. Surprisingly, I do not harbour any ill-feelings of hate towards my hunter, on the contrary, my feelings are one of deepest respect – he is after me because I threatened his mate, thus risking his life for her safety. In that, it is something I can relate to most easily – it is exactly what I would do for you.

I remember those times when we were still human, when we snuck out at such ungodly hours to meet each other without our parents’ knowledge, only to find out that they were fully aware of it and after that tried everything to prevent us from meeting again. But that did not stop us, did it? You were always most stubborn and persistent, my love – without any ounce of logic at all. Oh, how I teased you endlessly about it then.

Do you remember the time when I proposed to you? You had this extremely shocked look on your beautiful face and then suddenly, you collapsed. I swear my heart stopped beating for a moment, and the world was spinning about me uncontrollably till through the hazy depths of stars I saw you shifting and opening your eyes. When you murmured your consent to my proposal, my heart literally leaped with joy – I had never experienced that feeling of pure, unadulterated bliss in my whole lifetime till then.

I was so happy when to agreed to escape with me, since our parents did not take to kindly to the news of our marriage – I was afraid you would not want to leave your parents behind, even after all they did to you. Then my parents punished me, beating me for loving a ‘backstabbing traitor’ like you and at the same time, telling me most gleefully that you had been locked up in your room. Apparently, it was because of some ridiculous business thing, which did not allow us to be together. In retaliation, I stayed up late that night to plan of how to spring you from home that had come to be your prison bars. It was horrifying for me to endure through the long hours till I could finally go to you. Worries of your well-being did nothing to help my state.

Eventually, the day never came for me to execute my perfected crafted plan for disaster struck. I shall spare you the gory details here; in truth, the night my parents went out of town, my sister had been changed and returned in a mad frenzy, wild and uncontrollable, tearing and lunging at me till I was made to become like one of them, like her.

Judging from my sister’s actions, I knew I had to stay away from you for some time lest I myself posed a threat to your safety. Those days without you were terrible and lonely, but I tried to keep my mind busy with other things – satiating my newfound thirst was an extremely effective way of doing so, as I found out. Though my mind and body were busy, my soul still yearned for you, for your voice, your smell, your touch.

Waiting until I could wait no longer, I decided to come for you a few months later. Through the months I was away, I was always tormented by the thought of you giving up hopes on me. Those dreadful thoughts ruthlessly haunted me all the way, but when I mercilessly made my way to your room and easily broke down the locked door, they all faded away at the heavenly sight of you. You were weak and pale, hovering at the very edge of the precipice that I had already conquered. I did what I had to do then.

And unable to wait ay longer, I took you away with me and fled, as I promised you so many months ago. All these years I am still sorry that I was almost too late. Sometimes you thrashed about in my arms – it was startlingly obvious that you were in pain. Sometimes you screamed out loud with agony. But with my new unfounded strength, I was able to keep you under control. I was beginning to regret what I did to you without thinking. How could I be so selfish? With you in my arms, it was like I was myself again. Usually, I had not much control when it came to blood, but something had prevented the monster from escaping its bonds and kept you safe all the while you lay like a rag doll, unconscious and vulnerable in my steel arms. You looked so innocent, so fragile, and so angelic; it was all I could do to bear you to safety.

Days passed and when we came to a stop, you lay on the ground looking as peaceful as you were asleep. When you awoke and found out what I did to you, would you hate me for doing so? So deep in my thoughts I was, I had not realised your unconscious form had stirred as you padded cautiously towards me, a look of mingled fear and curiosity reflected in your luminous once green eyes. Instantly, I felt the deepest regret in the recesses of my dead heart. Was I so monstrous and terrifying that even you could fear me? Nonetheless, the truth was something I owed you. I started speaking carefully, driven by my guilt – all the while eyeing you sharply to see your reaction.

To my surprise and utmost relief, you took me into your arms and whispered promises of your everlasting love for me. Emboldened by it, I kissed you gently, relishing the feel of your skin on mine.

I had thought we would spend the rest of eternity together and now I see how blinded I was by my arrogance and pride. My foolish mistakes had not only brought me suffering, but you as well. Perhaps I should have learnt to control my bloodlust. Perhaps. Perhaps I should have never let you followed me down this hellish path. Perhaps. Perhaps I should have been more selfless and not robbed you of your salvation. Perhaps.

But then again, could I survive all those years without you? All these decades would be meaningless, not for me, but for you as well. What was the point of being immortal if you were not there with me? After all, you alone are my salvation you alone hold my heart in your hands forever.

So long, my heart, my love, my angel. I will love you always.