I hate this! I hate that you’re gone. I hate not hearing the rocking chair creak at night. I hate that even though your cooking was inedible half the time, it was still better than anything I’ve eaten since, and I hate these God-awful yellow cabinets that remind me of you every single day! I should have told you when you started that sunshine didn’t belong in Forks.
These were my answers to the 'Dear John' Challenge on http://community.livejournal.com/tm_switzerland
2. Another entry to that challenge:
Rating 5/5 Word Count 522 Review this Chapter
It’s time, and I don’t know how else to say goodbye. You’ve been gone all month, and no one’s heard from you. I’ve pestered Quil and Embry and Billy all they can stand, and I don’t think they’re lying this time when they tell me they don’t know when you’re coming home. In three more days, it won’t matter. I won’t be able to see you anyway. I won’t be able to see anyone.
I know you think I’m giving up my life, and in a way I am. I’m giving up Charlie and Renee and my friends from school (all three of them). I’m giving up college (for now), and ice cream, and sleep, and ... breathing.
But for whatever it’s worth, I’m not giving up our friendship. You alone, of everyone I know and care for, I can keep. If you’re willing, that is. If you can stand to write letters to a bloodsucker that is still me.
I miss you all the time, but you’ve trained me not to worry about you. I know, wherever you are, that you’re safe. You can take care of yourself. I have a chance to be strong enough, now, to take care of myself, too. You’ll be angry to hear that I’m looking forward to that. Not tripping over everything all the time, or injuring myself doing mundane things. Or not-so-mundane things. I could even go cliff diving safely ... if the cliffs weren’t utterly off limits to me, like everything else in La Push. I’m going to miss it there so much.
Billy came to the wedding. It was completely over the top, of course, because I let Alice make the arrangements. I’m sorry I didn’t send you an invitation. I guess you made it pretty clear when you left that you wouldn’t have come anyway. I didn’t think for a minute that you would. And if you had, it would only have been ... hard.
Charlie took way too many pictures and had too much to drink, which really surprised me, though I guess it shouldn’t have. He’s been worried sick about you. As Police Chief, he feels responsible for finding you, although Billy hasn’t reported you missing or anything. And I know it was hard for him to watch Renee and Phil together.
Billy and Sue have gotten to be really close. I was so amazed when he got up and danced a little with her. He’s stronger than I gave him credit for. I guess he’ll get by without me coming over every few days to do dishes. I spoke to Emily, though, and she’s going to check in on him once in a while, just in case.
I wish I knew how to finish this letter. I want to keep writing forever, in case this is the last you ever hear from me. Because it will be, if that’s what you want. If you just want to forget, don’t write back, and I won’t bother you again. I promise. But if you do want to write, here is my new address in Dartmouth. And my e-mail.
Take care of yourself, Jake. I miss you.