She Was Awake
Edward went to Bella's room to watch her sleep for the first time and when she said his name, he thought she might have woken up. What would happen if she really had?
3. Chapter 3
Rating 5/5 Word Count 1591 Review this Chapter
After a few pleading words from him I’m not sure what came over me, but I felt… compelled to do as he asked.
I was becoming increasingly mortified by my own lack of grace. I tripped over nothing seconds after he grabbed my hand. I believe I tripped the first time from the shock of the coldness of his hand. I tripped the second time out of embarrassment from the first time.
It was hard to believe I was actually here holding hands with this bronze haired beauty. It was so unreal. He looked like a god even in day old clothes. I was sure he could be dressed in rags and still be just as striking. Yet here he was holding my hand. I kept thinking of how unbelievably gorgeous he was. That, and with all of his super human speed and strength…maybe Edward Cullen was not human.
At the hospital his father had known something about what had really happened in the car crash. He had been hiding something. I could tell. Could Edward possibly be a mix between Spiderman and Superman? He was inhumanly strong, and he could climb houses obviously. What was he though; alien? Just some kid who had gotten exposed to radioactivity? They both seemed just as likely, but none of them seemed correct.
It wasn’t only Edward though; all of the Cullen’s looked like Greek gods. They were all so extraordinarily gorgeous. Obviously they weren’t gods. What would gods be doing in Forks?
If not gods, maybe angels? Guardian angels? He was so cold. Could it be because he wasn’t even alive; because he was an angel? All of the Cullen’s were angels. That’s why they all were so beautiful. I may not have been right, but I knew I was getting closer.
Just then Edward stopped and turned to look at me.
Here I was, holding the hand of an angel. I stopped, turning to look at her. She blushed slightly as I gazed at her lovely pale face, the color rising in her cheeks causing the beast inside of me to want to pounce.
I turned again, releasing her hand and taking two strides away from her. It had only been seconds and already I missed the comfort of her warm hand against the cold of my own.
“Bella…” I began, turning to face her once more. It was then that I noticed my surroundings. This was the place. This was where Alice had envisioned me telling Bella.
I looked back to her and noticed that, although she was looking at the ground, she now had a somewhat triumphant smile on her face. Why, I wondered to myself. Is she so sure I will give her answers to her questions? Does she think she knows something? More importantly, does she know something?
“Bella,” I repeated. “I know you want answers but it is…well…complicated.”
The smile faded from her face and turned into a frown. I couldn’t be sure what had prompted me to speak. I just knew I didn’t want to be the cause of any unhappiness for her.
“It’s my family,” I started.
“I know,” she interrupted in a whispered.
“You know what?” What could she know about my family?
She hesitated, trying to find the right words to say. How I longed to know what was going through her mind. She must be trying to edit something from me. Humans always did.
“I could tell that day at the hospital. Your dad, he seemed to be in on the secret. He seemed to know what had really happened. I figured whatever it is about you that makes you so different…well…that the same thing must be different about them as well.” Her voice trailed off into a whisper as she looked down at her feet, with the most tantalizing blush running up to her cheeks.
She must have been even more observant than I had given her credit for. I knew she had seen what happened during the accident; but even with a headache, caused by the blow to her head, she still caught everything around her.
She was beautiful, intelligent, headstrong; and far too perceptive for her own good. And I was quickly coming to realize that I was in love with Bella Swan. How could this be, I thought to myself. I had always been complete on my own. I enjoyed my family, but I had never yearned for the presence of another in such a way before.
The most terrifying thought about it was that she was a human. Her blood was like a beacon to me. She smelled so delicious I could almost taste her. There was so much more to her than that though.
I didn’t want to lie to her, but I knew I couldn’t handle her reaction to the truth. I didn’t know what I would do if she ran away from me, screaming in terror the way she ought to. Even as scared of me as she should be, I knew that I was far more terrified of her; or what her reaction to me, the monster that I am, would be.
“You are correct,” I allowed.
“I am?” she said, looking up, clearly brightening at the thought.
“Bella, please listen. I want to tell you, but like I said, because of my family…it is complicated.”
“I think I can keep up; and I can keep a secret you know” she responded.
She had indeed kept secrets. She had never once told a single person about what had really happened during the accident.
“I know Bella,” I said. “However, it is not just my secret,” I emphasized.
“They wouldn’t have to know that you told me,” she said quietly.
“I think they would find out anyway,” I replied, just as quiet.
Even if I didn’t tell them, Alice could. If Alice didn’t…well, Jasper could be very manipulative when he wanted to be. In a house full of vampires it was nearly impossible to keep secrets.
Not knowing what she was thinking before she spoke left me in almost constant shock whenever she broke the silence.
“What if I… never mind,” she stopped short.
It still rankled me to not know what she was thinking, but when she stopped midsentence like that it was beyond torture.
“What if you what? Bella, please,” I begged. “I have to know what you are thinking.” I took a step forward, looking deeply in to her sinfully beautiful chocolate brown eyes.
“It’s just that I had…some theories…but they are too ridiculous. It’s too embarrassing,” she stammered, that faint blush creeping into her face again.
I had to know what it was that would make her blush so.
“I won’t laugh,” I pleaded again.
“Yes. You would,” she said seriously.
“I promise; I swear, I won’t,” I pleaded once more, taking another step closer, still gazing intently into her eyes.
“It’s not fair when you do that, you know?” she said breathlessly, looking down again.
“When I do what?” I questioned.
“Dazzle people to get what you want.”
I knew that the ability to compel people to do what I told them to was a part of the monster that is being a vampire. I wasn’t even aware that I had been doing it. I wanted her to tell me, but I wanted her to tell me because she wanted to. So I toned down the ‘dazzling’ a bit. Although, I still couldn’t help but ask. “Do I dazzle you?”
“Constantly,” she said without hesitation, blushing again.
“And is it working?” I asked, tilting her chin back up and gazing longingly into the soulful pools that were Bella’s eyes.
“I…” she stammered. “Well, I started out with Spiderman,”
Of course; I had saved her life using superhuman strength. It made sense that a superhero had been first thing she had thought of. I chuckled lightly in spite of my promise not to. “I am sorry,” I apologized. “Please continue.”
“Then I thought you seemed a bit more impenetrable than that.” She paused, blushing and chuckling in spite of herself. She looked down again, obviously embarrassed by the admission.
“Only minimally,” I joked.
She smiled then, looking up to meet my gaze. She had the most beautiful smile. I realized I could, and would, do anything to make her smile again.
Her smile slipped slightly, a blush blooming on her cheeks as she started again. “Then I thought Superman; only that didn’t seem right either,” she continued quickly. “Then you saved me from the van, and you were watching me sleep. I am not generally a religious person, but I thought maybe an angel? My guardian angel?” she finished, growing more crimson still.
The beast in me, seeing her blood rush to her face, lusting after it, only contradicted what she said more than what my mind had already taught me to believe. I was no angel. I was a monster. For me to have been made her guardian angel was only more ludicrous. I was the most prominent danger Isabella Marie Swan could ever face.
“I only wish,” I said sadly.
She looked disappointed.
“Bella,” I said. “Oh Bella. I…I am so far from being an angel, and most especially your guardian angel.”
She now looked as if she was about to cry.
“No; please don’t misunderstand. I wish I could be that for you,” I continued in a rush. “But I am dangerous; more dangerous to you than to anybody else. Please understand; I am no hero. I am no angel.” I paused, letting the bitterness for the hatred of what I was creep into my voice. ”I am a loathsome beast, Bella.”
“Edward don’t…you’re not,” she tried to interrupt.
“Believe me Bella,” I continued, unable to stop myself. “I…I am…” I sighed in frustration, unable to get the words out. “Oh Bella,” I mumbled quietly.