Edward never came back. A year later, Bella is the singer in the band Werewolf. Every song has the same dedication. “To the vampire who broke my heart and left me for dead.” What happens when Edward comes across a CD?
1. Chapter 1: Going Under (Bella's Point of View)
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I took slow, deep breaths, trying to calm myself down. I missed the numbness. The numbness made everything easy. Always. But now, I had to face reality.
He was gone.
He didn’t love me.
And he was never coming back.
For four months, Jacob has been my rock, my personal sun. He was the most important person to me now, the only person who could hold me together, even if he would never mean more to me than he did. Jacob knew all of my dark secrets. Just as I knew his.
Of course, to Jacob, we were more than just close, we were together. And, honestly, to anyone on the outside, it probably looked like it. We always held hands, kissed (on the cheek –of course). And, as of three months ago, we spent most of our time either in his room or his garage, all because of my newly discovered skill. I had discovered a new way to let my emotions about him out, no danger or voices involved – In fact, I haven’t heard the voices since the motorcycles.
I could write songs. And I could sing. Well.
So of course, Jacob was quick to inform me that he knew how to play the guitar – pretty damn good, if I do say so myself. Another convenient fact – Embry and Quil can play, too. So, the four of us got together, I on vocals, Jake on guitar, Embry on drums, and Quil on bass. Together, we are Werewolf.
Yes, such an uncreative name…
Tonight was our first big gig. If we did well tonight, we could get picked up by a talent scout, and actually become more than a small-town garage band. We could be somebody.
We were taking the first song that I wrote, a month after he left. Its name, you ask? Going Under.
Right, so back to deep breaths. In. Out. In. Out. I will not hyperventilate, I told myself sternly. I will not hyperventilate.
I worked on relaxing my body, one part at a time. Slowly, the tension dissipated until only a peaceful calm was left behind. Of course, it wouldn’t last long. Tonight, in my dreams, I would be punished. Anything involving him led to nightmares. And singing songs inspired by his actionsdefinitely counted.
I opened my eyes slowly, taking in my reflection. My hair was dyed, a very deep brown, almost black. My dress was knee-length and blood red, a corset at the top, leading to flowing material that folded just at my knees. The entire dress was bordered by a black trim, gothic, about two inches thick. I had on black leather knee-high heeled boots to complete the outfit. The only make-up I had on was mascara. (Emily insisted on something – “You can’t just leave your face empty after all that dressing up, now can you, Bella?”)
All in all, I looked completely different from the Bella Swan of Forks High School.
There was a knock at the door, then, and it opened, revealing Jacob. He wore his long, black hair down, and sported midnight blue jeans with ripped knees and a black T-shirt. His face lit up when he saw me, and he was next to me in four strides.
“Hey,” he greeted me, taking in my new look.
“You’re definitely ready in terms of your attire,” he laughed. “You look like a Goth.”
“Hey, you’re the one who decided on Dark attire,” I reminded him.
He rolled his eyes. “Did you honestly expect us to dress in anything else when we’re playing such depressing songs, Bells?”
The door opened again, then, followed by booming laughter. Embry.
“Just a tip, Jacob,” Embry advised, walking over to Jacob and I. Quil walked into the room as well, but seemed distracted. “Never insult a song in front of the songwriter.”
“I wasn’t insulting her songs,” Jacob defended himself. “I like them. I was just pointing out the theme among them. Would I be here if I didn’t like the songs?”
“Yes,” Embry and I answered immediately. We all knew that Jacob would be here, whether or not he was in the band or even liked the songs. We were here, and so, he would be, too. We all laughed.
“Quil, you’re being quiet,” Embry pointed out. “What’s bugging you?”
Probably Claire . . .
Quil looked up, smiling guiltily. “I’m just thinking,” he said. Then, with a sly smile, he added. “But I’m sure you guys wouldn’t understand things like that.” That earned him a punch on the arm from each of the boys, followed by more laughter.
I smiled. I may not be whole, but this was as close as I was going to get. During the day, I was, for the most part, normal Bella Swan. But come nightfall, when I went to bed…
The nightmares were horrible. They didn’t have any ghosts or anything scary like that, though. There was nothing. Just… nothing. I would walk around in the forest in Forks, searching… I didn’t know what I was looking for; I couldn’t remember. I became more frantic in my searching. Then, it would hit me. There was nothing for me to find. Because my reason for existence was gone…
That was usually when the screaming started.
Jacob frowned, taking in my unexplained frown. I tried to smile convincingly at him. Now was not the time to think about the nightmares. We had a gig to do…
The door opened a third time, revealing Cooper, our stage manager. He wore his backstage and VIP passes, both laminated, with a silver chain holding them around his neck. He didn’t walk in, just poked his head in, seeming glad to find us all in one place.
“You guys are on in ten,” he told us. We all nodded to show we understood. Cooper disappeared.
“Well, then,” Embry said, as nervous as the rest of us were.
“Let’s do this,” Quil finished. We all muttered sounds of agreement, before shuffling out the door. Now that it was time for us to actually perform, we were all nervous. I wondered absently if, if we actually became something, if he would ever come across our music.
The hole in my chest rippled, taking my breath away.
Be good, I reminded myself. Now is not the time for that… Never is the time for that. Even if he came across it… he wouldn’t care…
“Ready, Bells?” Jake asked me, pulling his guitar strap over himself and positioning the guitar. He smiled encouragingly at me, and I half-smiled back.
“Ready,” I confirmed.
“Alright!” Embry’s nervousness had quickly faded; the high of playing always came to him first.
“And now,” I hear distantly, a male voice, speaking into a microphone. “For our listening pleasure, I am proud to introduce to you, Werewolf!”
“Here we go,” Quil muttered, his fingers tensing and loosening over his bass.
The curtain pulled apart, making all of us go blind. The lights were so bright, so strong; I could barely make out the audience. I saw a pair of shadows that resembled Sam and Emily; one gave me a thumbs-up.
I took a deep breath, before stepping up to the microphone. I took it with both hands, very aware of how slick my hands felt against the smooth metal. Please, please, I begged. Don’t let me drop the microphone… It would be just my luck if I dropped it, especially now when there was an talent scout ready to pick us up if we did well.
Breathe, I reminded myself sternly.
I spoke into the microphone, praying that my voice didn’t sound as weak as I felt. “This song is something I wrote almost a year ago. It’s dedicated,” I hesitated. Hell, why not? I thought. We’re already Gothic looking; they won’t think anything of it… “It’s dedicated to the vampire who broke my heart and left me for dead,” I said, my voice stronger.
You do not rule my life, I thought, ridiculously, as if he could hear. But, I felt strength with the words, and vowed never to let a vampire have that much control over me again.
I signaled Embry, who started the beat. I took a deep breath, before joining in. My noted weaved into the music, powerful and in control. Within seconds, Jake and Embry had started into it, and then we were playing. The words were coming up soon…
This is it, I thought. I took a slow, deep breath, before bringing the microphone closer to me and started singing . . .
Now I will tell you what I’ve done for you
Fifteen thousand tears I’ve cried
Screaming, deceiving, and bleeding for you
But you still won’t hear me
Don’t waste your efforts
I’ll save myself
Maybe I’ll wake up for once
Tormented daily, defeated by you
Just when I thought I’d reached the bottom
I’m going under
I’m falling forever
I’ve got to break through
I am going under
Blurring and stirring the truths and the lies
So I don’t know what’s real and what’s not
Always confusing the thoughts in my head
So I can’t trust myself anymore
I'm going under
I'm falling forever
You’ve got to break through
So go one and scream
Scream at me
I'm so far away
I won’t be broken again
I’ve got to breathe
I can’t keep -
I'm falling forever
You’ve got to break through
I am going under
I’m going under!
The song ended, then, and I couldn’t stop the grin from spreading across my face. We did it. Everything went perfectly. I murmured thanks into the microphone before turning to face the others, whose expressions all matched mine.
‘That was awesome,’ I mouthed at Jake.
‘Totally,’ he mouthed back.
We all hurried backstage, anxious to hear what the talent scout thought of us. As soon as we were off the stage, Embry hooted, shooting his fist into the air. We all laughed.
It felt amazing, letting out my emotions like this. Better than the motorcycles. And a hell of a lot less stupid. This could be it. My way to release my emotions. It all depended on what the scout said.
As if called, he walked around the corner, trailed by Cooper, who was smiling at us. Hopefully that meant good news. Upon reaching us, Cooper slapped my back, saying, “You did great, Bella! Simply amazing!”
I blushed. Typical.
“I agree,” the scout said. “This group has amazing potential.” He paused, and the second that filled up that pause felt like an eternity. I held my breath, waiting . . .
“I would love to bring you guys in, see how you do in a recording studio. Of course,” he smiled, “you will most likely have to confer before you-”
“Yes!” We exclaimed at the same time. The scout’s smile broadened.
“Excellent.” He handed a card to Cooper, before turning around and walking out the back door. There were five seconds of stunned silence before we were able to say anything.
“Oh…my God,” I managed to choke out.
“We did it,” Quil said, still completely stunned.
“We did it,” Jacob echoed.
“So,” a sweet, female voice brought us back to reality. We turned – It was Emily, Sam’s arm wrapped around her waist. They were both smiling. “How did it go?”
“He said yes,” Embry told her. I watched as her face lit up as that sunk in, much faster than it was taking us.
“That’s… that’s amazing!” She and Sam walked over to us, and the next ten minutes were basically full of exclamations and “oh my God”s.
When it was finally time to go home, all of my excitement was gone. Home. Home meant sleeping and sleeping meant nightmares. And tonight would be awful. I just knew it. I had spent hours doing things caused by his actions, and if I though the nightmares from the motorcycles were bad…
“You alright, Bella?” Jacob asked, sensing my distress. We were riding back in my truck, but he was driving. He turned to look over at me, and I stopped myself from scolding him. He was seventeen. He could do what he wanted.
“I’m fine, Jake,” I lied. “Just cold.”
He looked skeptical, but let it drop, rolling up his car window. I stared out the window, watching the familiar scenery pass by. Forks.
I tried leaving, once. Just after graduation, I packed up my things and was fully prepared to move to Phoenix. But, I just couldn’t. Forks was my home, now, and forever.
Not forever, a small voice in the back of my head whispered. Nothing is forever for you anymore. He took that all away.
Shut up! I yelled back at the voice. Shut up, shut up. I’m going to be haunted by nightmares tonight; I don’t need to think about him now…
“Hm?” Jake was looking at me, concern obvious on his face.
“We’re here,” he said.
“Oh. Right.” I felt awkward. Jake and I both got out of the car, and he walked me to the door. The house was mine now, since Charlie had … passed away.
“Tonight was amazing,” he told me, grinning again. “You did great.”
“Yeah. You were awesome on your solo,” I complimented him. I couldn’tnot smile around my personal sun.
“Alright, then. Goodnight.” He leaned forwards to peck me on the cheek, and then released my hand and headed back to his Rabbit, which was waiting in my driveway.
“Night, Jake,” I called. He revved the engine, and then drove away. Too fast. I sighed, before opening the door, and heading up to my room.
It had changed since I was in high school. Jake had helped me to paint the room black. I had replaced my bed sheets with black silk ones, and a dark comforter over those. I walked over to my closet, grabbing my bag of toiletries and pajamas (deep blue silk Victoria’s Secret), before heading over to the bathroom. I took my time in getting ready for bed, brushing my hair until it was pin straight, showering until the water ran cold. But I couldn’t stall forever. Eventually, I had to head back to my room.
I got under my covers, sighing. The nightmares were inevitable. I knew that. I had done things involving him. And now I was going to be punished. Badly.
“Come on, nightmares,” I muttered to myself. “Bring it on.”
I slowly sang into terrifying darkness as the nightmares began . . .
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