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The Dedication

Edward never came back. A year later, Bella is the singer in the band Werewolf. Every song has the same dedication. “To the vampire who broke my heart and left me for dead.” What happens when Edward comes across a CD?


2. Chapter 2: Wash It All Away (Bella's Point of View)

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Chapter Two

Wash It All Away


I jolted up in my bed, screaming, of course. I gasped for air in the early morning, my breathing the only sound breaking the piercing silence. I glanced over at my alarm clock. Five AM. Ugh.

It’s not like you weren’t expecting this, a small voice in the back of my head reminded me. At the concert last night, you did things about him. And that never goes without being punished.

Yes. I knew that. Just as I knew that, as much as I loved to do this, to write these songs, to sing, they would bring me pain once the sun went down. It was just part of the deal. Every joy comes with its own sacrifice.

I just wish it wasn’t so often.

I sighed, slowly swinging my feet over the side of the bed, gingerly placing them on the cold, wood floor. It was cold, the winter air from last night having seeped through my closed window and filling my room.

I stood up, too fast, and lost my balance. I had to catch myself on my dresser so I wouldn’t bash my head into the ground. I sighed again. I was still just as clumsy as ever, unfortunately. I pulled myself back up, before heading over to my closet, opening the doors wide to see my full selection of available clothing.

The first thing my gaze landed on was a dark blue blouse. The hole in my chest rippled, taking my breath away. It wasn’t the same, but it was too similar, much, much too similar to the dark blue blouse he once complimented…

A lifetime ago…

I ripped the blouse from the hanger, turning to shove it into my wastebasket.

Back to the closet then.

I ended picking a long-sleeve black turtleneck sweater and a pair of midnight blue jeans. Simple. No dangerous memories attached to them. Safe.

I walked to the bathroom, stepping into the shower and turning up the water until it was scalding against my skin.

The steam wafted up, filling the bathroom, fogging the mirrors. I took deep, slow breaths, letting the hot water wash away all the cold sweat from the nightmare. I closed my eyes, tipping my head back, letting my mind wander.

Words began to come together in my head, then. I recognized them as lyrics. Dangerous lyrics, but good ones all the same. I found myself humming the dark tune as I stepped out of the shower, and, as I got dressed, slowly pulling my hair back into a high ponytail, the words began to spill from my lips.

You hold the answers deep within your own mind.
Consciously, you've forgotten it.
That's the way the human mind works.
Whenever something is too unpleasant, too shameful for us
to entertain, we reject it.
We erase it from our memories.
But the answer is always there.
Can't wash it all away
Can't Wish it all away
Can't hope it all away
Can't cry it all away
The pain that grips you
The fear that binds you
Releases life in me
In our mutual
Shame we idolize
To blind them from the truth
That finds a way from who we are
Please don't be afraid
When the darkness fades away
The dawn will break the silence
Screaming in our hearts
My love for you still grows
This I do for you
Before I try to fight the truth
my final time
We're supposed to try and be real.
And I feel alone, and we're not together. And that is real.
Can't wash it all away
Can't wish it all away
Can't cry it all away
Can't scratch it all away
Lying beside you
Listening to you breathe
The life that flows inside of you
Burns inside of me
Hold and speak to me
Of love without a sound
Tell me you will live through this
And I will die for you
Cast me not away
Say you'll be with me
For I know I cannot
Bear it all alone
You're not alone, are you?
Never... Never.
Can't fight it all away
Can't hope it all away
Can't scream it all away
It just won't fade away, No
Can't wash it all away
Can't wish it all away
Can't cry it all away
Can't scratch it all away
Can't fight it all away
Can't hope it all away
Can't scream it all away
Ooh, it all away
Ooh, it all away
But the answer is always there. Nothing is ever really forgotten.
Because I'm tired of it too.
Because I'm tired of it too.
Because I'm tired of it too.
Because I'm tired of it too.
Because I'm tired of it too.

I shuddered in the now warm bathroom, the hole wide open as I sank slowly to the ground, sobbing. The lyrics echoed in my head, haunting me. I wrapped my arms around my kneed and pulled them to my chest, trying to stay in one piece; I was sure I was being slowly ripped apart from the inside out.

Why? I asked myself. It’s been an entire year since you left; why do you still have so much control over me?

Because it was always that way, the smaller part of me whispered. You were always far too obsessed with him, and now that he’s gone, you can’t find a reason to go on living normally.

But I have to, I argued. I cannot keep living like this. How is it that he can control me so much? It doesn’t make sense… What happened to ‘the human mind is a sieve’? Everything has gotten worse as time has gone on, not better…

The smaller voice didn’t have an answer for that.