The invitations were sent. The location was booked. Everything was in place for the joining of Isabella Swan and Edward Cullen in holy matrimony... but when Bella woke up the day of, all that was left was a note: Bella, I love you. I won't say that it will be as if I never existed, for I know that I cannot make you forget something. I will not tell you to try to love again. I would greatly encourage you to live your life well, and that is why I am gone. You'll be safer without me. Please Bella, never blame yourself. You are, were, and will be all that I ever wanted in my existance. Forgive me. -Edward Be safe. Now, Belle's friend is getting married, her other friend is throwing a halloween masquerade, and maybe, just maybe with all these chances, Belle can find love again.
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I'm not really sure what to say anymore. This world of mine has been so dead for the past fourteen years, good but dead.
Now what? If you live to learn without oxygen, can it kill you if you try to inhale?
I regained my composure by telling myself that if I could make it through five more minutes of conversation with Jenna Hull, I could get in a cab, get to my house on the Upper West Side, and get to the warm safety of under my covers.
I splashed my face with water, reapplied my lipgloss and mascara and pinched my cheeks a few times. I tried a smile. This was easier than I thought.
I told myself, "I'm Belle Alstead. He is no longer a part of life, he will never be a part of my life again." I smiled. This was what I wanted. I did not want him back. He would only leave again.
I walked outside of the bathroom and headed back to the cafe. I gave what I thought was a strong smile and apoligized.
"Sorry, I just wasn't feeling too good. Sometimes the sugar in those lattes does that to me... so anyway, I realized that I actually have to get home soon."
"Oh," Jenna gave a beautiful smile and I couldn't help but look at her deep topaz eyes and be reminded--no. I was not reminded of anything whatsoever. "alright, oh, wait, can I have your number? You can't imagine how hard it is to meet other people. I mean, I have my family, but I can't exactly tell anyone about the real me, so... do you think I could meet up with you two again sometime?" I grimiced for a split second. I didn't really want to have to deal with the fifteen year old who was probably currently united for eternity with the thing that wanted to be with me forever, or so I thought.
"Sure," said Allie, "here." Allie gave her my number as well. I just wanted to get the hell out of there. We said our goodbyes. Jenna did that little french kiss on the cheeks thing. A little close for a vampire, wouldn't you say? But what do I know? I'm not the vampire. No one ever lets me be the vampire, do they?
We got out of there after what seemed like hours. I hurriedly said goodbye to Allie, maybe a little harshly. She tried to convince me to spend some more time with her, but I pulled the job card. Being a teacher has its advantages since there are always papers to grade for an excuse.
I hardly remember the cab ride. I just stared as hard as I could at the news report on the tiny screen inside the taxi. I couldn’t yet manage to face my thoughts at the moment. I tried to force myself to listen to how stocks were going up down whatever, or how someone in one of the outer boroughs was missing. I hope vampires weren’t involved. Oh, crap. Here they are again, invading my life. You know, if someone really wants to not get involved in your life, they just shouldn’t. Yet some things are just plain selfish. They only want to be in your life when their sick of trying to stay away and then they change other fifteen year old girls into vampires and have to spend THE REST OF ETERNITY WITH THEM BECAUSE THEY WERE SPEEDING JUST LIKE YOU ALWAYS SAID THEY SHOULD’T DO, WHEN REALLY… THEY COULD HAVE JUST MARRIED YOU AND CHANGED YOU AND THIS WHOLE THING COULD HAVE BEEN SOLVED.
But here we are, and those beings are selfish. And so now there’s all this bull in my life.
I calculated the tip for the ride, heard the sound of the car door slamming shut. The sound of my heels on the pavement to my apartment building. Joe the doorman saying good evening. Me saying good evening back. The squeaky door opening. Closing. The click of the elevator button. The ding of the elevator door closing. Opening. The jingle of my keys. The click of my door being opened. The sound of it slamming shut behind me. The sound of the deadbolt sliding into place. The chain sliding to the locked position. My coat coming off. Everything but my underwear crumpling to the floor. The swish of my pajamas being pulled on.
The sweet, sweet sound of my covers being drawn back and then pulled over my head. I let myself close my eyes and I wished dearly for sleep. I would deal with this heartache tomorrow.