Two Wrongs Don't Equal a Right
Despite her efforts to keep the visions of Bella at bay, one slips through and then they assault her with a fury. So when she decides to act, it's just for self-protection, because a few more of these and she may go crazy... At least that's what she'll tell Edward in her defense. I CHANGED SOMETHINGS RECENTLY PLEASE RE-READ CHAPTERS 6&7 AND NOTE THAT THEY HAVE SWITCHED; ALONG WITH THE ADDITION TO CHPTER 7!!
8. A Tidal Wave of Emotions and His Name
Rating 5/5 Word Count 1289 Review this Chapter
Bella's awakening was a battle. A slow lethargic clash of her will to sink back into oblivion and the necessity to go grocery shopping, do the laundry, and clean the grimy inner stove. How she did finally drag herself from unconsciousness I can't understand, it seemed to me that going back to sleep seemed more favorable.
Her emotions dulled as she eased her eyes open and trudged across the room. A person can't control her emotions as she sleeps, and some of Bella's last night had been fearsome, but now that she was awake she seemed to reign them back into a sort of practiced numbness. Love struggled the most, a wicked kind of love that tore at her, wanting to eat her alive, wanting to consume her, wanting to destroy her, but she contained it amongst the others as best she could.
I could feel the emotions shifting under the net that held them back, straining to escape but she restrained them. I traced my fingers along the broken edge of her window, feeling the despair and love that lingered powerfully on it's sharp peaks. Her shower was hot, so hot that I could feel the steam pressing in on me as I slipped into her bedroom and trailed my fingers over her belongings. Feeling the imprint her intense feelings had left on some of her possessions. I felt the love and entrancement that had seeped into her copy of Romeo and Juliet. Felt the frustration and boredom that lingered on her computer. The pain that stained the rocking chair with bitterness and tears.
I took my time meandering around her room, remembering Edward's frustrating mumblings about her incredibly long showers. I picked a few items up, being careful to rearrange them as I had found them. The water shut off. I looked up in surprise, It hadn't been long at all, though I had been moving at human speed. The floorboards creaked outside the door and I threw myself out the window in a flurry of motion just as Bella staggered in,her eyes still bleary with sleep, a frayed blue towel wrapped around her.
She brought with her a fresh wave of numbness tainted with agony and love, a flavor that stung my tounge and pierced my mind, blocking out her actual scent. She snapped her head up, her eyes opening wide, swallowing loudly and pulling in a gasp of air. Alarm now radiated off her, alarm and fear and terrible knowledge. She backed towards the door, realization soaking into the atmosphere. Realization of what, I wondered. I checked my position to make sure I was well out of sight. What could she be realizing that would bring this odd combination of emotions with it?
Then a twisted kind of relief spread through her, a sharp bitter smile split her bone white face. She was happy. Not a pure, flouncing through sunny meadows with your one true love kind of happy, a tainted, sick happy that twisted easily amongst the pain and numbness and alarm and fear. I was caught in an internal battle of my own now, unsure as to what my next action should be.
I twisted my head away as she dropped her towel. Closing my eyes and relying on her emotions to warn me if anything was about to happen. Despair was mingling amongst the other feelings, along with waste, a guilty feeling of wasting something. I waited until I stopped hearing the rustle of cloth then looked back, only getting a peek of her walking towards the window before I had to climb higher into the tree. I cursed at the branches obscuring my view, growling softly as I clambered around, looking for an open space where I could see her and she couldn't see me.
She closed the open window, not seeming to see it at all, it slid into place with a quiet thunk. She swore softly as it caught her finger on it's way down, compressing it before she tugged it free. Then she closed her eyes and stood there as the wind buffeted her. Her emotions is a churning turmoil except for the anticipation that ruled all others, except for the pain and the love, nothing could over take them. Her anticipation grew until I was ready to scream with it and then she began to murmur.
"Just do it please, the wait is killing me, the anticipation slipping under my skin and eating me alive, the sword above my head is swinging but I want it to just fall already." I lifted an eyebrow in confusion, had she really seen me? Did she think I was here to finish her off or something?The anticipation continued to build until it reached a crescendo and her eyes shot open. Tears glittering at the rims. A different kind of relief and true, good, pure kind of relief, if wary swirled through her as she took in her unchanged room.
She turned once more to look at the window, really look at it though the fear was still strong, and understanding dawned as she took in the ragged glass edges. I stopped breathing just in time, my brain computing the result of running a human finger along glass far before I did. Still I threw myself backward in the tree, getting as far from her and her blood as I could, venom welling in my throat at just the sight of the crimson drop that she absentmindedly sucked from her finger.
Then a flood of remembrance and frustration. I watched her pace in front of the window, obviously trying to remember something else. She walked across the floor, physical pain roaring through her as she stubbed her toe on an floorboard. Horror flooded through me, how could I have forgotten to reseal the floor while she was in the shower. I was cursing at myself in my head and out loud, though it was too quiet for her to hear. I had gotten so caught up in her emotions that my purpose had been pushed to the back of my mind.
She crawled over to it and then my world exploded as the emotions she had restrained lept free in a fury the likes of which I had never felt. I could feel myself curling into a ball watched myeslf whimpering in agony in the tree and Bella collapsing on the floor in the onslaught from a separate place. I felt as though my mind was being torn apart as she lifted the items out one by one her hands shaking with the effort it took to keep her touch gentle.
Tears were streaming down her cheeks though I couldn't sort through the emotions well enough to separate and measure how much was actually sadness. The emotions were consuming me alive in the same way they were her, in a way that tore through me, a crystal clear exposure of all the things she had been trying to hide from himself.
She listed a small slip of paper from the hole and the emotions roared in our ears, snarling and growling and moaning and keening and then she wobbled in her place on the floor and crashed to the boards, her eyes rolling up in her head.
The emotions had been too much for her but they haunted her even in unconciousness on levels unheard of, I could not be free of them.
Above it all though, was his name, it was embedded so deep in all the emotions that I could feel it, pulsing in my mind like a drum.
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