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Cullens' Couples Dating Game Show

Summary:
Carlisle puts on a dating game show for anyone in Forks who wants to see it and forces the rest of his family to participate. Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all the Twilight characters.


Notes:
I hope you like it.


2. Fishies

Rating 5/5   Word Count 1119   Review this Chapter

The buzzer rings. “Okay! Times up! Lets see what the contestants said! We’ll start with team Emmy-Rosy.“ He says they’re team name unwillingly. He really does not like the fact that Emmett and Rosalie came up with such a good name when everyone says his sucks! It’s just not fair!!! “So, the question was ‘If your girlfriend was a fish, what kind would she be?’ What was your answer, Emmett?” The crowd waits silently in the suspense of Emmett turning over his white board.

“You answered…” Carlisle loves the suspense, and the weak human eyes that can’t see that far up onto the stage. He‘s thinking about creating a technical difficulty to make them wait more, or just ‘accidentally‘ pushing the board to the floor, but decides against it. The crowd’s waited long enough. “A gold fish!”

“What?!?! A gold fish?!?! Why in the world would you consider me a gold fish?!?! I mean, really!!!”

“Umm, umm, umm…?” Emmett can’t seem to find an answer to Rosalie’s question. “Umm… because… it has gold in the name. Yeah. And gold is really valuable… and you are the most valuable thing to-” Emmett gets cut off by Edward.

“Oh come on Emmett. You do too know more fish than that! If you had thought a little harder, instead of just writing down the first thing, or should I say fish, since the first thing that came to your mind was Celine Dion, that came to your mind, you might have actually been able to think of one that described her better. Let’s see… there are sharks and piranhas. Both of those describe her well…. What else…”

“Excuse me?!?!” Rosalie screams out. Everyone in the audience covers there ears.

“Really Edward! How dare you say that about her!” Emmett tries to quickly cover for himself. His secret crush on Celine Dion was supposed to stay a secret. Darn you Edward!

“I was talking to you! Celine Dion?! I can’t believe it! I was way off on your celebrity crush. I thought you were into Jennifer Lopez. But Celine Dion?! Wow! And is that all I am to you? The first fish that comes to your mind?!?! I can’t believe it! I thought we had something more! Something special! Ugh!” Rosalie screeches out. “And you!” she screams again, turning now to Edward. “I can’t believe you think of me that way! A shark?! A piranha?!”

“You’re a catfish, too.” he tells her, not at all scared of her reaction. Secretly, he finds it very amusing. But he thinks she’s too mad now, so won’t say it.

“A catfish?! How in the world am I a catfish?!”

“Catfish have whiskers, which resembles the tiny hairs growing above your upper lip,” he tells her. Oooh, DISS!

“WHAT?! I do NOT have tiny hairs growing above my upper lip!” Rosalie screeches… again! The crowd’s about to go deaf with all the screaming going on.

“Actually, Rosalie, you do. I just never wanted to tell you because I was afraid that this was how you were going to react, except in our house,” Alice tells her.

“You guys, you guys! Stop! I am sure Rosalie does not have hairs above her upper lip,” Emmett says in her defense.

“Thank you, honey,” Rosalie says, turning to him. She leans in to hug him.

“You’re Welco- WHOA!” he says, cutting her short of her hug.

“What?!”

“You do have hairs growing above your upper lip. I never noticed it before. Now that I have, well, that’s just gross. Can you shave that when we get home?”

“What?! I do?! Oh no! Does somebody have a mirror?”

“Here you go.” Alice hands her a mirror from her purse.

“O.M.G. I do! I can’t believe this! I actually have a physical flaw! How is that possible?! I can’t be seen like this! Emmett, cover me!” She hides behind Emmett.

“If it makes you feel better Rosalie, I can’t see them,” Bella tells her.

“You can’t see as well as us, so it doesn’t really matter!”

“I was just trying to make you feel better. Is that so bad? Is that so wrong?! I don’t think so! Humph.”

“Okay. I think we’ve had enough of that. Let’s move on to Team A.J.,” Carlisle says. “Now Jasper, what kind of fish did you say Alice would be?”

“Oh really? Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I love you so much!” Alice screams out.

“Ummm, Alice, I didn’t say anything yet.” Jasper tells her.

“I know. But what you’re going to is so nice! You really think of me as a starfish?! Because I’m your star?! That’s so nice of you!”

“Well, I guess we all know what Jasper’s answer was. Alice must have seen the board,” Carlisle says while shooting Alice a ‘Don’t do that again! They don’t know you’re psychic!’ look.

“Oops. Ummm, yeah, I saw the board. Sorry Jasper.”

“It’s okay Alice.”

“Now last but still least, Edward and Bella.” Carlisle says.

“That’s Team Edward and Bella!” Edward corrects him.

“Whatever. What kind of fish do you consider Bella, Edward?”

Edward turns over his board to reveal a… seahorse!

“You consider me a seahorse?” Bella asks.

“Yap.” For some odd reason, Edward seems very proud about this.

“Why in the world do you consider me a seahorse?!”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Edward is very confused.

“Ummm, no.”

“Seahorses are very, very slow.”

“What’s your point.” Bella asks. She still doesn’t seem to be getting it.

“You’re very, very slow, too. I used to think it was only physically, but after seeing how long it took you to understand my reasoning to that answer, I would say mentally, too.” Edward tells her. He doesn’t seem the least bit worried about hurting her feelings.

Bella starts to get tears in her eyes.

“I *sob* never knew *sob* you thought of me *sob* as *sob* slow!” By now she is bawling. “Or at least *sob* not that you *sob* minded!”

“Oh! Don’t cry! I didn’t want you to cry! I just wanted to have an honest relationship! I’m so sorry! For now on I’ll lie to you!” This only makes her cry harder. She so doesn’t want Edward to lie to her! “Argh! Why can’t I say anything right?! Fine! I won’t lie to you! And I don’t mind! I don’t!”

“*sniffle* Really?” Bella asks him. By now she has calmed down.

“Yes really…. But that doesn’t change the fact you are.” Edward says the last part under his breath.

“What was that?” Bella asks.

“Nothing.”

“Okay. Now that we’re done with that, it’s the girls turn to answer a question about their spouse. But first, we will be taking a ten minute break for anyone who needs to use the restroom.” Carlisle says to the audience. He can’t wait for the next question if it was going to turn out like anything as interesting as this one did.

“Oh thank God!” Bella exclaims and runs off the stage.