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Cullens' Couples Dating Game Show

Carlisle puts on a dating game show for anyone in Forks who wants to see it and forces the rest of his family to participate. Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all the Twilight characters.

I hope you like it.

3. Parrots

Rating 5/5   Word Count 1725   Review this Chapter

“And we’re back! Before the break we had the boys answer a question about the girls. Now it’s time for the girls to answer a question about the boys! Okay girls, remember, you will have exactly 2 minutes after the question is read to answer it on your white boards. Boys, give the girls the white boards.

All but Emmett give the boards to their spouse.

“Emmett, give your board to Rosalie.” Carlisle tells him.

“I don’t want to,” Emmett tells Carlisle.

“Why not?” Rosalie and Carlisle ask him.

“Because, in the seven minutes that Bella was gone-- by the way, I’m wondering why it took her so long--.”

Bella blushes. She wishes Emmett hadn’t brought that up. She doesn’t want people to suspect what she likes to do in the restroom. Finding shapes in the tiles on the floor. It’s so much better than finding shapes in clouds. This wouldn’t be that embarrassing if it wasn’t for the fact that it’s become an obsession. She can’t leave a restroom without finding at least one image.

“-- I drew a masterpiece,” Emmett continues. He turns the board around to show a picture of two stick figures-- a boy and a girl-- holding hands. How original.

“You’ll get over it, Emmett,” Rosalie says and takes the board away from Emmett, smearing the picture in the process.

“Nooooooooo!!!!!!!!! You just ruined it!”

“What’s the big deal? I mean, who were they anyways?” Bella asks. Edward had told her about it and who they were in the three minutes they had had left before the break ended, and now she wanted to get him back for bringing up her long trip to the restroom.

Emmett waits a few seconds before answering and then decides ‘What the heck?’ “Me and Celine Dion!” he blurts out.

“O my gosh Emmett! Get over her! It’s never going to happen!” Alice yells at him.

“Yeah, and besides, you have me,” Rosalie says. “That’s better than Celine Dion, isn’t it?”

Everyone starts coughing.

“Hey!” she yells at them.

“You’re right Rosalie. I need to get over her and move on with my pathetic existence.”

“That’s the spirit!” Esme shouts at him from the audience.

“Okay, moving on now. The question is ‘If your spouse was a parrot, and had only one phrase you could teach him to say, what would it be?’ Start answering… now!”

The girls begin writing.

“Okay… time!” Carlisle says loudly. He is trying to bring down the shouting a little. “Starting with Team Emmy-Rosy. Rosalie, what would you teach Emmett to say?” He, the rest of the audience, and Emmett anticipates the answer as Rosalie turns over her board to reveal….

“I would teach him to say ‘Hey babe, you look smokin’ today, and are so much hotter than Celine Dion!’” Rosalie says.

“I say that to you anyways, Rose, just without the Celine part. Why would you teach me to say it?” Emmett wonders.

“Because you would only be able to say one thing, and that is the thing that I love to hear most from you, especially with the Celine part. I wouldn’t really mind if you couldn’t speak otherwise.”

“Oh, okay.” Emmett gets it now… sort of. He’s wondering about that ‘Not being able to speak otherwise’ part.

“Moving on now to Team A.J. Alice, what would you teach Jasper to say as a parrot?”

Alice turns over her board to reveal… ’Jazzy wanna cracker’.

“If I could only say one thing, you would want me to say ’Jazzy wanna cracker’?” Jasper asks her, very confused and a little hurt. Why wouldn’t Alice put more meaning into what he would say? He couldn’t even eat crackers.


“Why?” Jasper asks her.

“Because I think you would sound so cute saying that in parrot form. Can I hear you say it now like a parrot? Please?”

“A-lice,” Jasper complains.

“Pleeeaaase,” Alice begs him.

“Not in front of all these people,” Jasper whispers to her.

“Pleeeaaase, Jazzy! I really want to hear it. Pleeeaaase!” Alice gives him that puppy dog face that Jasper can never resist.

“Oh fine. Jazzy wanna cracker,” Jasper says with a parrot-like voice. He is very embarrassed.

“Yay! You sound as cute as I imagined. Thanks Jazzy!”

“Okay, now that we’re done with that, lets move on to our last team, Team Edward and Bella. Bella, what would you have Edward say as his only phrase as a parrot?” Carlisle asks Bella.

“Bella flips over her board very ungracefully and drops it. She picks it back up again and shows her answer.

“I can’t read that, Bella,” Carlisle says. “It’s all smeared up.”

“Oh darn it,” she exclaims. Her and her stupid clumsiness.

“What did you write?” Carlisle asks.

“I wrote that I would have him say ‘Werewolves are friends, not stupid, mangy mutts.”

“Humph. Figures,” Carlisle says.

“I really wish you wouldn’t make me say that, Bella,” Edward tells her.

“You and Jake need to learn to get along. Maybe if you said this enough, you would start believing it and play nice with him.”

“Most likely not. And whoever said anything about playing with the dog? That is something that will never happen!”

“You guys! We’re in front of humans!” Carlisle whispers to them.

“What are you guys talking about?” Mike asks from the audience.

“Ummm, well, you see Mike, you know my friend Jacob?” Bella asks him.


“Well Edward doesn’t like him, as you probably know.”

“Yeah, I know that. What I’m confused about is ‘werewolf’. What’s does that have to do with anything?”

“Ummm… well… ummm….” Bella can’t think of any explanation. Luckily Edward can.

“You know how Jake has gotten buff this past year, Mike?”

“Yes,” Mike admits unwillingly. He wishes he was that buff. Maybe Bella would like him then. Note to Self: go to the gym right after this.

“Well, he’s so vain that after he got those muscles, he started requesting that the name werewolf be given to him, and Bella agreed to it. Now she sometimes refers to him as a werewolf, and his other buff friends werewolves, too. I prefer the use of dog or mutt or pup.”

“Edward!” Bella scolded and slapped him on the chest. Ow! That was going to leave a mark. ‘Maybe it would bruise in the shape of a fang’ Bella hoped. It would show Edward that she was meant to become a vampire. And even if that didn’t work, it would still be a really cool design.

”Like you could think of anything better,” Edward whispers to her. That was true. She couldn’t. Not with the vampire tattoo-bruise thing on her mind, anyways.

“Oh! I get it now!” Mike exclaims. “That Jake is really conceited, isn’t he?”

“I’ll say,” Edward agrees with him.

“Okay, with that question over, let’s now move onto the next one. Okay, this question is for--” But Carlisle doesn’t have a chance to finish his sentence because just then the guard known as Tido-Amelio comes in through the same entrance doors he left through about twenty-five minutes before. “Oh, hello, Tido-Amelio.”

The guard makes his way down the aisle and onto the stage. “Hello, Carlisle,” he says once he is on there.

“Is this about that freaky girl?” Carlisle asks the guard.

“Yes, it is.”

“Okay. It seems I have some business to take care of right now, so how about we just take another break for anyone who wants to get a drink or use the restroom again. Thank you,” Carlisle says to the audience.

“Oh thank god!” someone cries out from the stage again.

“Bella, you just went to the restroom not ten minutes ago,” Edward says to his partner.

“It wasn’t me!”

“Well, if it wasn’t you, who was it then?” Edward asks. Everyone is sure the cry had come from the stage.

They all get their answer as Emmett proceeds to rush off the stage in the exact same manner Bella had not fifteen minutes ago.

“Ummm, Rosalie?”

“Yes Alice?”

“Why does Emmett need to go to the restroom?” Alice asks.

“I have no idea, Alice. I have no idea.”

“Okay then,” Carlisle says, a little weirded out, as is everyone else who knew that Emmett was a vampire and could not use the restroom. At least, to the best of their knowledge he couldn’t. Carlisle then turns back to Tido-Amelio as everyone else in the room does their own business, whether it‘s talking to one another, playing hand games, or Alice‘s favorite-- styling Jasper‘s hair. So far she has gotten three tiny braids done. She is going to try to fill his head with them by the time break is over.

“So, what happened with that girl?” Carlisle asks him.

“Well, after throwing some good kicks and punches that hurt like heck-- I mean, that girl has had to take some karate lessons in her life to be able to assault us the way she did-- she seemed to have given up and left saying something about needing to get tomatoes. I’m telling you, that girl has some pretty serious mental problems. Or she could be bi-polar,” the guard tells Carlisle.

“Well, stay out there in case she comes back, okay?”

“Yeah. Billy-Phobio’s out their right now keeping a watch out for her. I just came in to tell you what happened.”

“Okay. Now if you don’t mind, I have a show to do,” Carlisle says, and with that, Tido-Amelio leaves and Carlisle tries to get everyone settled down again. Emmett is still not back from the restroom yet. What in the world could he be doing in there? Finally, after Carlisle has gotten everyone settled down, Emmett comes back in and takes his seat on the stage. (Oh, and just if you’re wondering, Alice only got half of Jasper’s hair in braids. *tear*)

“Okay. Now that everyone is back and settled down, let’s move on with the next question. This one is for the boys.”

“Please don’t tell me it’s about another animal, Carlisle!” Jasper begs.

“Well, lucky you Jasper, it’s not,” Carlisle is a bit offended. He can’t help it if he was really thirsty when he wrote those two questions. Luckily, he had enough sense to go hunting before writing any more. But then the last two questions had given him an idea for the third question. He was going to put his family through pure torture-- well, not Edward and Bella probably-- for any of the bad things that they had ever done to him. “The question is ‘What is your spouse’s favorite food?’ Let’s see if you can get this right. Start answering… now!”

Jasper and Emmett just sit looking stressed for a minute, but Edward starts answering after a few seconds of thought.