Cullens' Couples Dating Game Show
Carlisle puts on a dating game show for anyone in Forks who wants to see it and forces the rest of his family to participate. Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all the Twilight characters.
I hope you like it.
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“Whoa! How long has it been? Has it been two minutes? Or has it been three? I lost track! There are too many markings on this watch!” Carlisle asks no one in particular.
“I think it’s been one,” says Esme from the audience.
“Really? It seems like longer,” Carlisle says.
“Who cares?! They’re all finished!” yells Mike.
“It matters because I want everything to be fair. My motto is: If it’s not fair, it’s not fun,” Carlisle explains to Mike.
“Really? That’s the dumbest motto I’ve ever heard,” Mike tells him.
“Yeah, it kind of is,” says the girl sitting down the row from him.
“Why is everyone picking on me today?!” Carlisle whines. “I just try to put on a nice fun little game show to entertain everyone, and suddenly everyone’s turned into Simon Cowell from American Idol, and I’m the singer who just tried to sing a Celine Dion hit single. By the way, Rosalie, Emmett’s right. No one can compare to Celine,”
“You guys know that it’s been three minutes, forty-one seconds, and fifty milliseconds since the question was asked, right?” asks Jasper. Everyone stares at him like he’s crazy. “What? I’m anxious to know what Alice wants to change about me.”
“Okay. Now that we know that we’re way over time, we’ll find out the girls’ answers, starting with Rosalie. Rosalie, what one thing do you want to change about Emmett. This must have been really hard for you because Lord knows there is plenty to change about him,” Carlisle says.
“You’re right Carlisle. It was very hard to choose. But I ended up choosing to get rid of his muscles.”
“Get rid of my muscles?” Emmett asks, kind of hurt. He liked his muscles, and thought she did, too.
“Uh huh. I don’t like them. They make you feel to bumpy. I just want to be able to rub my hands over you without them having to go over muscle over muscle over muscle. It gets annoying,” Rosalie explains to him.
“Okay. I don’t think we all had to know that, Rosalie. I mean, really. TMI!” Carlisle says, a little grossed out, but who wouldn’t be? No one wants to here about Rosalie rubbing Emmett. EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! “Moving on to team A.J. Alice, what would you like to change about Jasper?”
“Absolutely nothing. I love him just the way he is,” Alice tells him. Boring.
“Really? That’s so sweet,” Jasper says.
“No, not really! Are you crazy?! There’s tons of stuff I would change about you. I would change your hair color, for one. It’s just so boring. I want to see you with an orangish red. I also want to change your height. You’re too tall. Especially for me. Oh, and I’d also like to change-”
“Okay, that’s enough Alice. You were only allowed to pick one thing,” Carlisle tells her. God, doesn’t she ever listen?
“Oh. Okay, I would choose the height thing, then,” she decides.
By now Jasper is close to tears. Actually, he probably would be in tears if he could cry. Alice was kind of harsh this time around.
“Okay, moving on to Team Edward and Bella. Bella, what did you choose to change about Edward?” Carlisle asks her.
Edward hears Mike thinking ‘Please say everything. You want to change everything about him because you realized that you don’t really love him, and you want to date me. Oh please say that. Please, please, please.’ , and he sends an evil glare Mike’s way. Mike is caught off guard, and even though he knows that there’s know way Edward could have heard his thoughts, he starts thinking the song ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star‘.
“I would choose to change his strength level,” Bella says. “We can’t do anything with him being how strong he is now, if you know what I mean.”
“Ah, I see. And like I said to Rosalie, TMI! Gross!” Carlisle screams at her. “I mean, really. Keep your personal life PERSONAL!”
“Carlisle, dear, lower your voice, please. Your going to blow out our eardrums,“ Esme calls from the audience.
“Sorry. But that is really is disgusting. Okay, our next question will be- hey, where did the paper with my list of ideas go? Does anyone see it?” By this time Carlisle’s turning round in circles looking like a dog chasing it’s tail. “It was here just a minute ago. Ugh! Where is it?”
“Didn’t you put it in your pocket, Carlisle?” Bella asks.
“Huh? Oh, here it is. Um, thanks, Bella,” Carlisle is very embarrassed that he didn’t remember that. Maybe after six hundred years he was starting to get amnesia. How odd.
“Okay. The next question is for the boys to answer. It is ‘What is your spouse‘s worst fear?’ Time starts… sorry, I have to wait for it to get to the twelve. Okay, time starts… now.” The boys take out their boards and begin writing.