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Cullens' Couples Dating Game Show

Summary:
Carlisle puts on a dating game show for anyone in Forks who wants to see it and forces the rest of his family to participate. Disclaimer: Stephenie owns all the Twilight characters.


Notes:
I hope you like it.


6. Celine Dion

Rating 5/5   Word Count 1282   Review this Chapter

Lobby

“She still hasn’t come back, Billy-Phobio. Do you think she gave up?” Billy-Phobio asks his partner.

“Maybe. But we shouldn’t take any chances. We need to keep standing watch,” Tido-Amelio answers to him.

“You’re right.” He starts whistling

“What are you doing?”

“I’m whistling to pass the time. I‘ve got nothing better to do,” Billy-Phobio answers.

“Okay, but why are you whistling ‘Teardrops On My Guitar’?”

“Because I feel like it. Is that so wrong? Can’t a guy whistle country songs without being questioned anymore? What is this world coming to?” Billy-Phobio cries out.

“Okay, okay. I didn’t know it meant so much to you.” Tido-Amelio says, kind of weirded out.

“Hey, Tido-Amelio. Who’s that lady heading this way?”

“Where?”

“Right there,” Billy-Phobio says while pointing at the lady.

“Where?”

“Right there, walking through the door.” By this time she is, indeed, walking through the doorway to the lobby.

“Oh my God!” Tido-Amelio screams out loud in a girly, high pitched voice, kind of like a valley girl. “It’s Celine Dion!”

“Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!” the two guards scream together, and they run towards her.

“Hi boys,” Celine Dion says.

“Ummm, we’re men,” Billy-Phobio tells her.

Celine Dion glares at him and takes a tomato out of her purse, holding it up in a throwing position. Celine Dion carries around tomatoes?

“We can be boys if you want us to, though,” he quickly says after seeing the tomato. He was highly allergic.

“That’s what I thought,” she says and puts the tomato back into her purse.

“Wait a minute. Celine Dion doesn’t have a Texan accent,” Tido-Amelio points out, just realizing that she was speaking in one.

“Yes I do!” Celine says, a little too defensively.

“And why is there dark brown hair showing under the blonde?” he questions her again.

“I dye my hair,” she says, again a little too defensive.

“No. It’s because you’re not Celine Dion.” Tido-Amelio pulls off the blonde wig the lady was wearing. “You’re that crazy Asian girl!”

“So I am,” the crazy Asian says, and she starts throwing tomatoes from her bag at them. In the middle of this fight, when the guards are a little bit weaker, and breaking out in hives in Billy-Phobio case, she puts back on the wig, then continues to throw the tomatoes.

The fruit (yes tomatoes are a fruit) fight continues on for another two minutes, the crazy Asian winning. After about two minutes, the guards decide they’ve had enough of this, and they run through the door into the room where the show is taking place, the Celine Dion impersonator running after them, still throwing tomatoes. Is there no end to her tomato supply? I mean, really, how much can one bag hold?

Show Room

“Time! I think I got it right this time. I hope I did. This dang watch is so confusing! Anyways, lets hear what all the boys think the girls’ worst fears are. This should be good. Let’s mix things up this time and start with Team A.J. Jasper, what do you believe Alice’s worst fear is?” Carlisle says all in one breath.

“Well, Carlisle, after a lot of thought, going through every waking minute Alice and I have spent together, weighing the pros and cons-”

“Just answer the question already!” Carlisle cuts in. Really. Who cares about Jasper’s thought processes? They want to know Alice’s worst fear already!

“Fine. I think Alice’s worst fear is being stripped of all of her designer clothes,”

“OH MY GOD! Jasper! I can’t believe you would ever think of such a horrible thought! Aaah! It burns!” Alice cries out. She then proceeds to hyperventilate, which is kind of odd since vampires don’t have to breath.

“Alice, that’s not really going to happen so pull yourself together and tell us if Jasper was right already!” Carlisle’s patience is getting very low. He put this question in for the soul purpose to use against the girls later on. He wants to know their fears already!

“Yeah, was I right?” Jasper asks her.

“Maybe, maybe not.”

“Oh come on! That’s not fair!” Jasper says. “I want to know if got the answer right!”

“Yes, okay? Yes! That is my worst fear. Gosh,” Alice pouts.

“Awesome! I got it right.” Jasper says.

“Okay. So Alice’s worst fear is losing all of her designer clothing. Hmmm….” Carlisle says. He starts to think of all the possible ways to drive her crazy with that fact. Then he realizes that people are waiting for him to move on, so he has to come out of his planning. “Moving on to Team Edward and Bella. Edward, what is Bella’s worst fear?”

“I think Bella’s worst fear is me and Jacob getting into a fight,” Edward answers, scowling on the word ‘think’. It sucks that he can’t just read her mind to find out.

“Heck no that’s not my worst fear. You and Jake get into fights all the time. I’ve gotten used to it,” Bella says.

“So what is your worst fear, Bella?” Carlisle asks.

“Simple. Needles. I’m surprised you didn’t think of that Edward. It’s so obvious.”

Needles, huh? Carlisle thinks. Well that’s great since he’s a doctor. He can freak her out any time at all.

“Needles?! Dang it! I should’ve known!” Edward exclaims.

“Yeah you should’ve. Don’t you know me at all, Edward?”

“I think so,” Edward says, doubt filling his tone.

“Now, lastly, Team Emmy-Rosy. Emmett, what do you think Rosalie’s worst fe-” but he isn’t able to finish his sentence because right then the two guards come running through the doors from the lobby screaming at the top of their lungs.

“Everyone take cover! It’s the attack of the killer tomatoes!”

Following them is none other than Celine Dion. The entire room is in chaos then with Celine throwing her tomatoes and audience members either ducking for cover or asking her for her autograph. All of the contestants of the Dating Game Show are frozen in shock on the stage, including Carlisle. When Celine finally makes her way up to the stage, Emmett gets control of his body and mind again.

“Celine Dion! Oh my God it’s Celine Dion! I love you Celine! Can you sign my chest?” he screams in a very high pitched voice which is very funny coming out of his buff self.

“Wait, why are you throwing tomatoes?” Alice asks, but is ignored because just then Rosalie starts throwing a fit.

“How dare you!” Rosalie screeches! “How dare you make my Emmett fall in love with you! We had a very happy relationship before you came along! Actually, we had a very happy relationship before this show! Then I find out he’s in love with you. Just because you have an incredible voice doesn’t give you the right to steal my Emmett!” she screams at Celine.

“Whoa whoa whoa. Hold on Rose,” Celine cuts in. “One: I didn’t steal your Emmett away from you. Two: It’s absolutely gross when you call him your Emmett. And three: Don’t be jealous of Celine Dion’s voice. It’s a God given gift. No one can sing as good as her. Not even me. Because I’m not her.” She then proceeds to pull the blonde wig off of her head and puts on her glasses.

A giant gasp fills the room. “It’s the crazy Asian with the funky green glasses!” everyone says at exactly the same time, which is very weird since it wasn’t planned.

“Yes, it’s me. I’m here for my revenge for being kicked out. Muahaha!” the crazy Asian tells them, then starts the tomato war again by throwing a giant tomato right at Carlisle’s head. Everyone starts screaming again as the Asian chases them all out of the building. Well, almost all of them.

“Hey! Come back! Someone come back! I need help getting out of here! There are stairs!” the girl in the wheelchair shouts. “And that host took my $150 watch! I loved that watch! Someone come back, please!”