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Sweet Tangerine

Summary:
A song-fic about how Edward felt the first night he went to Bella's room, and then comparing it to how he feels after New Moon takes place. Photobucket


Notes:


1. Sweet Tangerine

Rating 4.5/5   Word Count 1743   Review this Chapter

Rain falls, quickly wetting my hair and clothes
My cries fall upon her deaf ears, more tears
Let me in, please it's cold I'm freezing out here, I miss you my dear
You're all his and I'm all yours, like it or not, I'm all you've got

I sat, looking out my window. It seemed to be the only activity I did now. Sit and think. The wind was slightly ruffling the leafless trees outside as raindrops fell lightly from the clouds above. The tap of the drops hitting the window made me restless. I looked above to the darkened sky to see the full moon shining back down at me. I was so lost, a feeling I had never felt before, and I didn't know what to do with myself. I went from hating this girl and thinking she was from my own personal hell to enjoying her dazzling smile, her bright eyes. And I had no clue what was becoming of me. I just felt so strange around her, like nothing else in the universe mattered. Like we were in our own little world. I felt like I needed to know everything about her, like nothing was enough to satiate my thirst. And it wasn't the usual thirst. This was something so different, so foreign, so exotic. I wasn't used to it, nor was I used to its power. It was like it controlled my actions and responses.

What confused me even more was my attraction towards her. I could hardly stand being away from her anymore. It didn't make any sense! Her scent drew me in, but yet, so did her personality, her actions, her words, her face. I was addicted. Addicted to everything about her. Another thing that had me so confused, so lost, was that feeling in the pit of my stomach, that sickening gnawing that I felt when that vile disgusting Mike Newton talked to her. He had no right. He didn't deserve her at all. She deserved someone better. Someone more like me. Who was I to talk, though? I had a lesser right than Mike Newton. At least he would never kill her. Because that was what I was. A killer. A monster. I didn't deserve her at all. To be with her was like being with an angel. And I was the devil. The villain, the bad guy of modern fairy tales. Before I even knew it, I had gotten up and left the house, ignoring the confused faces and shocked question of my family.

Everyone will make mistakes
Without the sour the sweet wouldn't taste and
Sweet tangerine, will you please come back to me?
Cause I don't think that these feelings are gonna leave

I ran through the forest, swiftly with ease. The feeling of the wind flowing past, of the rain landing on my face was like a new high. It was so refreshing and it helped me clear my head of the confusing thoughts that would leave me even more lost than before. The forest flowed past me, blurs of green here, a spark of brown there, and left me calmed and in control. I soon came to a break in the forest, leaving me in a side yard of a small house. I already knew where I was, it was obvious with her smell leaving traces on everything surrounding me. It was so much stronger than how my mind recreated it. I felt the venom flow into my mouth as I tried to push back the monster that was trying to make its way into my mind, leaving me out of control and helpless. I knew what would happen if I let it come forward. I had seen it too many times in Alice's visions. They always ended with Bella. Dead, cold, still, alone. While I relished in her sweet blood, until my conscious told me what I had done. No, I couldn't let that happen. I wouldn't. To never see her smile, her blush, her sweet face would be terrifying. I gazed upwards and looked at her window. The light had been turned off long ago and I could hear her deep breathing. On that cold, rainy night if some had seen me they would have thought I looked at ease, but inside I wasn't. There was a deep turmoil, a conflict, rummaging in my mind, like a storm out on the sea. Leaving waves spinning violently out of control and ships rocking dangerously. For once in my existence, I didn't know what to do.

Light cuts through the clouds and haunts me, like bad dreams
Outside lookin' in I'm feeling lost and cold as a sin
A shred of hope a little bit of sweetness - anything please, except for defeat
If I could I'd lock you up and toss out the key, it's just you and me

It was decided. I needed to see her. I knew it wasn't safe. Actually, it was probably 100% dangerous, but I couldn't refuse that part of my mind that leapt with joy at the thought of seeing her. I couldn't control myself. I was slowly spinning of control, that I knew, but yet I couldn't stop. First with the class in Biology, then with Tyler's van. Once I was pulled into the world of Bella and her angelic soulful self I would never be able to leave. It was too tempting. Not only was I spinning out of control, but I was also losing myself in this maddening new lifestyle. I climbed up the side of her window and unlatched it. Her smell hit me like a tone of bricks. I inwardly cursed myself for not readying myself for this. Her scent was a hundred times stronger in her own room. I waited to clear my mind before I slowly lifted my leg and slid into the room. I was surprised by how small the amount of personal items were in the room. I turned my head to the side of where her bed was and gasped. She was so beautiful, so innocent, so pure. With her hair fanned out around her angelic face and the moon lighting her face in a spur of silver, she was undoubtedly the most gorgeous creature, vampire included, that I had ever laid eyes on. I felt like it was so wrong to be here, watching her, like taking advantage of an opportunity that I didn't deserve.

Everyone will make mistakes, and I know I have
Without the sour the sweet wouldn't taste and
Sweet tangerine, will you please come back to me?
Cause I don't think that these feelings are gonna leave
Sweet melody, you'll be singing in your sleep
But this time you're not listening to a word I say


After being frozen in place with her stunning beauty for nearly five minutes, I sat down in the rocking chair in the corner of her room. She was so peaceful, hardly ever stirring in her sleep. I was still battling with myself in my head. I knew I had no right, but I couldn't help but feel like I wanted her all to myself. For no other man, Mike Newton especially, to ever lay eyes on her magnificent body, her youthful personality, or her alluring face. But, then, there was the part of me who still wanted her for myself but for total opposite reasons. For her blood. To take her life and drink the sweet thick blood that filled her veins and made her heart beat. I was awakened from my reverie when I heard the sheets stir. I looked up to see her petite form turned around onto her side. She sighed in bliss as her eyelids fluttered and she whispered one word that made my heart soar: Edward. She had said my name. Feelings of terror washed through me at the thought of her finding me in her room in the middle of the night. She would surely think of me as some creep who was stalking her. She sighed again as she rolled over on her stomach and mumbled my name with such clarity again that I had to focus and make sure she was still asleep. I had never felt a feeling like I had when she said that one simple word. And, with finality, the seeming to be never ending turmoil in my mind had ceased. I would never hurt her, not if I could help it. I would commit to watching over her, making sure she was always safe. I couldn't ignore her any longer. It would hurt me to do so.

Crept through the curtains, as quick as the cold wind
Slowly exploring the room where you sleep
The stare of your portrait, the passing of your scent
Left me no choice but to stay
I will dissolve into the dark beneath your bed
My hands will wait for a taste of your skin

*After New Moon*

Just like every night, I ran through the forest, not making a sound, towards my sweet Bella's house. It had become routine now; when I had left for those months this was probably one of the things I had missed the most. The peaceful nights with her in my arms, her sweet mesmerizing scent intoxicating my very core while I listened to her every heart beat, every throb of her pulse, every word that left her luscious lips, every breath she breathed committing it to memory. I needed these moments like she needs air to breathe. I stealthily climbed up the side of her house, through her window, and onto her bed. From where I sat I could hear the water in the shower running. I had grown so accustomed to her mind blowing scent that now when I entered her room it hardly bothered me. It was a miracle that now I could sit in this very room at complete ease and not have to fight to control my thirst. Now, instead of fighting for a hunger of bloodlust it was a hunger that all man feels. And I was just barely controlling myself. I heard her door creak open and I lifted my gaze to the doorway where my angel stood. She walked ungracefully over to me and crawled into my lap, while placing a delicate kiss on my lips. God, how I loved this girl.