Kissing a Fool
Edward still needs some reassurance that Bella forgives him for leaving her.
A light Edward/Bella moment after New Moon.
None of the characters below belong to me. Originally written for reetinkerbell for the heroineexchange challenge on LiveJournal.
1. Kissing a Fool
Rating 5/5 Word Count 1141 Review this Chapter
by Marauder by Midnight
I reveled in the sunlight that washed over me, feeling the warmth of its enveloping arms. A more tangible, more precious set of arms were wrapped around me as well, almost nullifying the effects of the sun. But then again, who needed the sun’s heat when his pale, cold lips on my neck did wonders to my body temperature.
This was how it was supposed to be. This was how I wanted it to be forever. Safely in his arms in our place – the private meadow – with no worries. No Volturi to fear. No Charlie to put up with. No outsider to shield his true beauty from. Peace. Quiet. I clung to the tranquility , and my breathing became deeper and slower as I gave myself utterly to my surroundings.
Too soon, he straightened his posture. Fleetingly, my heartbeat quickened as the agony of the months of loneliness and abandonment came flooding back into me. He heard the arrhythmia and frowned as he correctly guessed the reason for my sudden anxiety. “How many times do I have to promise you? I’ll never leave you until the day you ask me to,” he murmured in my ear. His sweet breath on my hair tickled, a not unpleasant sensation.
“And I,” my words came out hoarsely and in pants, “I will never ask you to leave me.” I smiled as I looked up at my love and savior. I pressed myself even closer to his stone-like body. “Why must you always insist on giving me the option of pushing you away?” I teased. “Don’t you know how suicidal that would be for me?”
I glanced up, and from beneath my lashes, I saw his frown lines deepen. “Unfortunately, I do. I thought you might be safer without me.” He shook his head. “Who knew your thinking had been, ‘If I don’t die by vampire, I might as well die by werewolf or cliff-jumping?’”
It was my turn to scowl. “I never intended on dying, Edward. And I’ve told you, Jacob and his…friends would never hurt me. Ever.” I was surprised by how firm I stood by them how confident I was in their abilities to maintain control over their animalistic sides. Realistically, they were more dangerous than Edward and his family could ever be; they were new the talents of restraint and discipline compared to the decades of experience the Cullens had.
However, I rationalized my defense in a rather childish way: tallying. And the game was tied; one mark on the Cullens for Jasper’s misbehavior and one on the Quileutes for Paul’s emotional outburst. Of course, I will never let Edward know I was keeping score.
Suddenly, Edward’s face turned blank. I pushed myself a little away from him to better stare at him warily. “What? What is it?”
Edward’s playful tone changed. “I’m serious about giving you a choice between me and… Jacob. Don’t try to spare my feelings; I’m not that human.”
I rolled my eyes and felt annoyance surge through me. Leave it to Edward to ruin a perfectly good spring day with talks of sacrifice and options. Didn’t he realize by now how stubborn I was about him and me?
I slipped from his embrace and lowered myself onto the lush green carpet beneath my feet. I could feel him staring at me quizzically so I patted the ground next to me. He loped over and gracefully folded himself beside me. As we sat there, I picked at the grass and played the words carefully over and over again in my head while Edward patiently and quietly watched.
Finally, I took a deep breath and held up the single blade of grass I had plucked from the earth. “This is me.” Edward’s curiosity turned to bewilderment as he tried to figure out the meaning of my words. “I am like the grass that blankets our meadow, Edward, while you are the sun. I’m dependent on your warmth and your presence to continue living. Without you, I can’t possibly survive.” Inwardly I felt prideful for finding the perfect metaphor.
It was Edward’s turn to roll his eyes. “A bit dramatic there, Bella. You survived fine without me for the first seventeen years of your life.” His crooked smile quickly disappeared when he saw the flash of annoyance in my eyes. “Continue.”
“I never realized how important you were to me until you had left. It was as if a never-ending night had descended upon me, and I groped and groped for an anchor that would keep me from going crazy.” I could see the anxiety, the pain in Edward’s eyes. He never liked being reminded of what he had done to me those few unspeakable months. “But then I found it. My anchor. My…substitute. I found my earth.
“Earth had always been there, even from the very beginning. The grass is just…so focused on the glorious sun above her, the unattainable sun with whom she longed to be with and to which she always stretches herself, that she never realized what she had just inches away from her. And it was during one of those cold, lonely nights when she found out how much she needed him as much as the sun.
“And now the sun looks down upon the grass and her earth with sadness and remorse for not being able to provide for her the same way. He may curse the boundaries and the distance between him and the grass, obstacles that do not exist for the earth. He may snarl, threaten, and damn the earth.
“But.” I had risen to my knees at this point and scooted closer to Edward. “You never see grass stretch for the ground, do you? They’re always wishing to get closer and closer to the unreachable sun. That’s our story, Edward, so long as I am human. While I am mortal, I can’t help but find consolation in Jacob’s friendship and love. It is only when I’m finally more than just a blade of grass,” I let it float from my fingers, “that I am forced unwillingly to part with him and truly – finally – join the sun in the sky.”
Edward smiled my favorite smile and opened his arms to me. I could see an amused twinkle in his eyes. I eagerly snuggled close and grinned myself when his pale lips pressed against my forehead. “You are wise, Bella.” He was suppressing his laughter, I could tell. “What an elaborate metaphor and story. How ever did you come up with it?”
I tilted my head and kissed Edward’s cool check. “I’m that talented. And you, Edward, are a fool.”
The lilt in his velvety voice was more apparent when he spoke. “I must be if I’m to be jealous of mere dirt.”