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and it took you this long to realize she's a lost cause


Written for twilight_t00bs, and twilightawry's challenge: New Years' Resolutions.

1. and it took you this long to realize she's a lost cause

Rating 4.5/5   Word Count 764   Review this Chapter

Rosalie Hale still wants to be human. And though she's given up hope of ever being human again, she still tries to stay connected to the race -- to the species -- that she's always belonged to. The petty traditions that humans observe have always held a special place in her heart.

She still remembers her birthday (June 21, a summer-solstice child, and she's always celebrated by standing in the sun. At least for a little while) and she still insists that Emmett buy her a birthday present. She knows exactly how old she is.

And she still celebrates New Year's Day every year.

She'll fly to New York and push her way through the thousands upon thousands of people crowded in the town square. And for a few moments of her life, she forgets about her bloodlust. She forgets about being a vampire (and about all the people around her. Their scents all blend and mingle with the background) because for a minute, she's just one more person watching the ball drop on New Year's Eve. When the countdown begins she's caught up in the excitement of a billion voices fusing into one great consciousness. And she thinks, this is what she's been missing all these years of being a monster.

Her New Year's resolution, this year, isn't decided on until they come back to Forks after leaving Bella behind. When she sees how much Bella depends on Edward, when she sees how determined Bella is to become a vampire...that's when she becomes determined to save the human. Her resolution is to tell Bella the truth of life in the underworld, and to teach her to appreciate her amazing, beautiful human life.

She fails.

x x x

A voice running through her head (it's her more cynical side) tells her that there's no one who can understand her anymore. Bella's a lost cause -- she's given her heart away to Edward when she could have a much better life.

Her feet take her to La Push and she almost doesn't think about why. But deep inside she knows that only one person knows what she's going through, one person who's been rejected by Bella in almost the exact same way.

A growl erupts from her right side and she turns. A russet-brown wolf glares at her through black eyes, and she instinctively knows that this is Jacob.

She stands straight in the dim light of the forest. "Kill me if you like."

A sharp bark clearly communicates: Don't move. The wolf moves into the darkness of some trees, and after a few moments a tall, shirtless man emerges.

"Why are you here?" is the first thing he asks, voice brisk and businesslike.

"She's a lost cause, Jacob," Rosalie replies softly.

Something breaks in the man's gaze, and his muscles stiffen. "Is that all?"

"I tried," she continues, and she's more vulnerable right now than she's ever been. "I tried to tell her to stay human, to live a normal, happy, healthy life. She loves him too much, Jacob." Her voice drops to a whisper. "If she only knew what she's leaving behind..."

Jacob's instinctively drawn to this woman, apparently, because he takes a step forward. He doesn't say anything, but his eyes are asking permission. Before he can get any closer, Rosalie runs to him in a blur of white skin and wraps her arms around his muscled chest.

His arms envelop her and she shudders, sobbing. It's a few moments before she realize he's crying too. She looks up and sees that his dark eyes are glistening. Without thinking she stands up on her tiptoes and kisses him (and his lips are so warm on hers).

"The pack is coming," Jacob whispers, an inch from her face.

"I'll be back" is her farewell, and in a moment she's gone, golden hair flowing behind her.

x x x

Bella and Edward are on their honeymoon. But Alice is still in the house, keeping a strict eye on Rosalie.

Her expression seems to convey a secretive trust. It's the look of a warning older sibling -- you've done something very bad and if you're bad again, I'm telling on you.

It's strange, but after that first meeting, Rosalie stops thinking about Jacob. She wraps herself in Emmett's arms and tries not to remember her own personal failures (it's a losing battle).

Only when distant howls echo from the horizon does she wonder if he's thinking about her.