Blinded By Darkness
A collection of one shots on how the Cullen men feel during different times in the three novels. Rated Teen for minor language.
Chapter Nine: Edward's POV of when he asks the Volturi to die.
Songs used in this chapter are Le Disko by Shiny Toy Guns and Kill The Messenger by Jack's Mannequin. Chapter One: How Jasper feels when he loses Bella in Twilight.
Rating 5/5 Word Count 2238 Review this Chapter
We're the dreams you're believing
Crawling up the walls
Running down your face
Razor sharp, razor clean
Feel the weapon's sensation
Something was wrong. Bella had been in the bathroom for over 10 minutes. Women usually didn't take that long in the bathroom, right? I mean, 5 minutes is fine with me, but 10 minutes? I really didn't want to have to burst through the doors to make sure she's ok. I would rather have Emmett make fun of me for a decade than do that.
Even though my consciousness was telling me She's fine. She's just taking her time, I couldn't shake the feeling my sub-consciousness was telling me, which was She's in danger! Help her! Suddenly, all noise stopped from inside the bathroom as a woman came out. She glared at me because of my close proximity to the women's bathroom door. I stifled a chuckle as I felt the emotions of outrage and disgust radiating off of her. I put my attention back onto the bathroom. There were no heartbeats coming from inside. But Bella hadn't come out yet. Oh, God no.
I stood staring at the bathroom door. My eyes were bugging out of my head and my mouth was wide open. I heard a few teenage girls giggle as they walked by. I looked around hesitantly and saw that no one was nearby. I pushed the bathroom door open and stuck my head in.
"Bella?" I whispered, desperately trying to disguise the fear in my voice. For some strange reason that I couldn't imagine I felt like a Peeping Tom. There was no one in the bathroom. I suddenly felt someone poking me in the back.
"What are you doing in the women's bathroom, Jazz?" Alice stood behind me, hands on her hips, desperately trying to hold in her laughter at the sight of me trying to sneak a peak in the women's bathroom. When she saw my clueless look she burst out laughing. Crap, how in the world was I going to tell her I lost Bella in a bathroom?
"Alice, don't worry, please. We'll find her, I swear!" The thought that she didn't yet know what happened seemed to fly over my head. Idiot! She looked at me with that clueless look that I had a few moments ago. Her confusion soon swept into something more. Rage.
"YOU LOST HER? JASPER! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? HOW COULD YOU LOSE HER IN THE BATHROOM?" A few bystanders stopped and gawked at us with amused faces. Great, we were attracting an audience. Just what I needed.
"Calm down, Alice. I'm not even sure what happened, all right? One moment she was here, the next she wasn't. She probably left while I wasn't looking and went to go get something to eat." I tried to reassure everything was all right with sending waves of calm. That did it.
"I DON'T WANT TO BE CALMED DOWN RIGHT NOW, JASPER WHITLOCK HALE CULLEN! PEOPLE CAN'T JUST DISAPPEAR WITHOUT A TRACE, YOU IDIOT! IF SHE HAD COME OUT SHE WOULD HAVE SEEN YOU! NOT JUST FLY RIGHT BY OVER TO THE STARBUCKS! OH GOD, HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN!?!" She was waving her arms around in eccentric motions and most of the people around us took a few steps back. Good, Alice was close to becoming violently angry and no human wanted to be around her when she was like that. Her voice was squeakily high with anger and outrage and her feelings were out of control. The crowd seemed to find this even more amusing. That just added to my frustration and anger.
"Alice. Calm down. We'll find her." I took her delicate face into my large hands and stroked away the invisible tears I knew would be streaming down her face if she was human. She shook with dry sobs and hugged me fiercely. The crowd, sensing the drama was over, all walked away. I slowly led Alice over to the terminal and sat her down. She looked around and she looked so vulnerable. My dead heart nearly broke.
"Jazz, what do we do now?" Her voice shook with uncertainty and continued to shake. I once again gathered her small frame in my arms and tried my best to comfort her. I knew Alice had a connection with Bella from the start but I had no clue it was this strong. I mean, sure, I liked Bella and all, but it wasn't like I saw her as my sister or best friend yet. She was just a family friend. No, that sounded too insignificant. She was much more than that.
"I don't know, Alice. God, I just don't know." She shook visibly and I rubbed my hand over her back in soothing motions.
A loud speaker came on and a boring monotone voice started speaking. "Flight 27, unloading now." With a click, the loud speaker toned off. Panic was bubbling out of Alice and suddenly I felt panicked too. Flight 27 was Edward, Carlisle, and Emmett's flight. I looked around nervously, preparing myself for the rush of emotion and the fight I was sure would break out from Edward. Alice looked up to the right and there stood Edward, carry-on bag in hand, with a pained look on his face. Carlisle and Emmett soon came up behind him and Emmett looked around, confused.
"Where the hell is she?" Edward's voice was deadly calm. I knew that voice. Whenever he was incredibly angry he used it. Anger and rage was rolling off of him in waves. Emmett was shaking his head around, still looking for Bella. The idiot still hadn't realized she wasn't here. In a much different scenario I would probably be laughing at him, but it wasn't anywhere near appropriate now. Alice abruptly stood up and pointed at Edward.
"Don't you dare blame him, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen. It is not his fault. If anyone's, it's mine. I didn't see anything like this happening." She continued taking her time walking up to him, and by the end of her rant she was pointing him in the chest. His face got more outraged by every second. Her tone was bitingly angry and I felt immensely guilty. It was my fault. I wasn't cautious enough. Carlisle's eyes went wide and Emmett was still confused as ever.
"What are any of you talking about? And where the hell is Bella? I like her. She's amusing." Emmett's face split into a huge Cheshire cat grin as he looked around. Alice sighed as I stood up. She didn't need to defend me. It wasn't her fault or her battle.
"I'm so sorry, Edward. It's completely my fault. I was just waiting for her outside the bathroom door, and after 10 minutes she didn't come out. I started to get worried. I'm so sorry. We'll find her though; I just know we will." Edward's eyes burned with anger and hatred. I really wouldn't blame him if he never forgave me. Emmett sucked in a huge unnecessary breath. Finally, Edward reacting to my words.
It all happened to fast, I had no clue what exactly happened, even with my vampire sight. All I know is after 2.3 seconds I had been pushed up against a concrete wall and Emmett and Carlisle were trying to get Edward off of me while Alice was trying to get between us. With no luck, I may add.
Edward's face was centimeters from mine and the emotion on his was something I had never seen before. He was so hostile, so angry. And it was all my fault. Carlisle was shouting at him to stop while Emmett was trying to wrap his arms around Edward's torso, but somehow he managed to block him off. Alice finally gave up with a huff and just gave in to punching Edward in the back. People started gathering around. That was twice today. Tremendous.
Edward's hands were in a tight fist around my shirt collar. I heard mutters of "Call security," from the crowd around us. Carlisle finally shouted some words to Edward that made him relax his fists. He still didn't let go, though.
"EDWARD! LET HIM GO! PLEASE! HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!" Alice had, as a last resort, sat down on the floor and started sobbing. There was nothing she could do, and she knew it.
Carlisle shouted again but the words were blocked from my hearing. Everything was just too overwhelming. The rage, the anger, the hostility, the betrayal, the worthlessness, the fear, the nervousness, the anxiousness, the confusion. Everything. I heard Edward hiss quietly as Carlisle once again shouted. This time I could understand the words.
"Just read this, Edward! Read it!" Carlisle must have been telling Edward more in his mind because the strange nonsense words seemed to calm him down. Edward snarled lowly and pushed me further into the wall as he let go of me. He turned to me with one more fleeting look.
"If she dies, don't expect me to ever speak to you again." The crowd grew silent as they heard these last words. No one had understood that this whole event was a matter of life and death. Alice rushed into my waiting arms and broke down into sobs once more. Edward turned slowly to Carlisle and snatched the envelope out of his hands. I used my vampire sight to read that the front of the envelope read "Mom." Why would Edward have to read that? Edward slowly walked to the nearest set of seats and the crowd made way for him. They were clearly frightened. I didn't need my power to know that.
Edward hastily opened the envelope and took out a short letter. He was shaking slightly and I just knew. Oh God, it was from Bella. The rest of us stood where we were as Edward scanned his eyes over the writing. Once. Twice. Three times. The feelings coming off of him didn't help me any to predict what was in the letter. Fear. Anger. Sadness. Love. Determination. He stood up shakily and walked back towards us. I could tell he was desperately trying not break down into sobs in front of everyone.
"Alice, go get a car. A fast one. We may still have a chance." His voice was tense, void of any emotion. I looked up at him to see his jaw clenched and his eyes were narrowed towards me. Alice nodded her head once and ran swiftly away. I was looking away, my eyes following Alice's running form as a sheet of white paper flew in front of my line of eyesight.
"Read this." I looked up to see Edward standing not 6 inches away from me. He was holding the letter up to me. I slowly reached my hand out and hesitantly grabbed the letter. My eyes scanned the words and certain things stood out. He has my mom, and I have to try. If I get away from them it will be a miracle. I can't bear it if anyone has to be hurt because of me, especially you. I love you. My hand was visibly shaking as I read the last words. I looked back up to Edward and his face was so pained, so tortured. I had never felt so guilty in my whole entire existence.
"I'm so sorry, Edward. I had no clue." My tone was full of desperation. He needed to understand that I had no intention of this happening.
"I can't live without her, Jasper. I just can't." His lip quivered as he said those haunting words. What was he trying to say? He'd kill himself if she died?! That's absurd! Carlisle looked to the right and grabbed Edward's arm.
"Alice is outside waiting. Come on. There still may be a chance." I followed behind with Emmett. He didn't even look at me the whole time we were running at human pace towards the car. As we all got into the SUV that Alice had 'borrowed' I looked around. Edward was slumped over in the front seat, dry sobs shaking him violently. Carlisle patted him in a paternal way on the shoulder. Emmett still wouldn't look at me; instead he looked out the window at the dizzying scenery that flew by. Alice sat next to me with a glazed look covering her eyes; she was desperately trying to have a vision of Bella's future. I sunk into the deep depths of my power; letting the feelings and emotions consume me whole.
Anguish. Determination. Bleakness. Animosity. Deception. Ambition. Numbness. Slaughterous. It all seemed to blend together. Every feeling, every emotion just blended into one. Sadness. I felt sadness coming from each and every one of us from that car, even me. With a slight gasp I realized just how much Bella affected us. Without her we would all be crushed. She had brought such life to Edward. She was one of us now, whether she liked it or not. We would always be there for her, and if someone ever hurt her, they better pray that we wouldn't ever catch up to them. No matter where she went, we would always follow in the shadows; making sure no harm came her way. She was family.
That day I silently vowed to myself. As Edward sat there, sobbing and crushed, and Emmett positioned himself away from me from disgust, and Carlisle drove while feeling shreds of hope, and my tiny Alice concentrated on her visions, I vowed. I mentally promised myself that I would never let anything, anything, dangerous happen to Bella. My sister.
After all, it was my fault my sister was in evil's clutches at that very moment.
Kill the messenger
I swear it's not me
It's just someone I used to know