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Blinded By Darkness

Summary:
A collection of one shots on how the Cullen men feel during different times in the three novels. Rated Teen for minor language. Photobucket
Chapter Nine: Edward's POV of when he asks the Volturi to die.


Notes:
Songs used in this chapter are Le Disko by Shiny Toy Guns and Kill The Messenger by Jack's Mannequin. Chapter One: How Jasper feels when he loses Bella in Twilight.


5. Carlisle

Rating 4.5/5   Word Count 2312   Review this Chapter

Dark wings they are descending
See shadows gathering around
One by one they are falling
Every time they try to strike us down


Tonight had been a long night. A very long night, indeed. Jasper was still nowhere to be found while Edward was over at Bella's house. The whole rest of the family was strewn across the house, each doing something different while I sat by the fire and thought. I knew Edward very well. He would not let something like this just blow over and then act as if it never happened. No, he was probably thinking of something to do right now. I just prayed to God it wasn't something that would affect Bella too much.

I heard the front door open, almost silently, as someone lightly stepped inside. The footsteps echoed throughout the house as everyone grew quiet. Jasper.

"Jazz!" Alice ran down the steps at full speed and jumped into her husband's unexpecting arms. "Don't you ever run off again, do you hear me? I was so worried!" I could practically feel the relief flowing from my son as a soft smile tugged at my lips.

After they finished their embrace, the whole family seemed to jump on him with accusations. I sighed heavily; couldn't this family just have some peace for just a short moment?

"What the hell is wrong with you? You could have killed her!" Emmett's voice was raising, as was his height as he seemed to loom over Jasper. "I actually don't blame you. You should have finished her off while you had the chance." I froze at the cruel menace of Rosalie's voice. What had sweet, innocent Bella ever done to Rosalie?

"Don't listen to them, dear. We know you didn't mean anything and we all forgive you." Ah, my dear Esme. It was times like these that her motherly ways shined through the most.

"Would everyone just stop? Please, for one moment?" Alice's high voice was raising octaves as she grew aggravated. I shook my head as I realized it was probably time for me to step in. I stood up and made my way through the family that had gathered around Jasper. He seemed overwhelmed by the mix of emotions and words. The group fell silent as I came closer to Jasper.

"Could I talk to you for a moment?" I kept my voice calm and collected as Jasper nodded with wide eyes. I turned and signaled for Jasper to follow as we made our way to my office. I held the door open for him as he walked in and sat down in the chair in front of my desk.

"Before we begin, I just need to say something, Carlisle. I'm so sorry. I'll do whatever it takes to help my control. I'll go to Denali, hell, I'll go wherever you want. I just, well, I just hate to think that I almost killed her." His voice shook as he stared intensely at the ground. I raised my hand and rested it on his shoulder. Everyone's feelings must have been taking a toll on him.

"How could you think that, Jasper? I don't want you to leave, Alice doesn't want you to leave, and neither does anyone else in this family. If you think you need to work on your control, and you want you leave, I won't stop you. It's up to you," I chuckled quietly before continuing, "Just remember Esme probably won't let you go without a fight." A small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. "And remember, it isn't your fault. It's just simply in your nature. Don't worry about it; I know Bella forgives you and doesn't blame you. Plus, Alice would hate it if you were worrying."

"That's true. Thank you, Carlisle," his now light mood was starting to change, "but, I have a problem." His eyes grew troubled as his face was a mask of confusion.

"What would that be, Jasper?" I leaned against my bookcase and I felt my brow start to pucker.

"Well, I think I may know what Edward has in mind. And, Carlisle, we can not let him go through with it. We just -" Jasper's concerns were interrupted as the front door swung open and the whole family room went silent. I heard Esme slightly gasp as Jasper and I made our way out of my office. When we came to the steps, Edward stood at the bottom. My eyes widened as Jasper blinked while trying to shake the shock.

I had never seen Edward like this. Ever. He looked absolutely numb with his emotionless face and void eyes. Emmett was muttering something to Rosalie along the lines of, "What the hell happened to him? You don't think she left him, do ya?" Rosalie reacted with a slap to his head which his complaints were silenced when Esme turned to glare at them.

"Edward? What's wrong?" I hesitantly took a few steps down so we were eye level. He blinked a few times before refocusing his eyesight on me.

"Could I talk to you for a second?" His voice was so lifeless. What had happened?

"Of course, come up to my office." He nodded and followed stoically up the steps. Before I completely got upstairs, Esme and I shared a worried glance. Something was definitely wrong.

After we had both gotten in my office, Edward sighed and crumpled into one of the chairs. His head hung limply in his hands as I watched. If I hadn't known better I would of thought someone close to him had died.

"Edward, what's wrong?" I repeated my words again, hoping to get a response. He just continued to sit there; like a statue.

"Oh, Carlisle. I don't know how to go through with it. I just know I have to." His voice was full of grief and pain. Go through what? If I hadn't of been a vampire for hundreds of years, my patience would have worn out minutes ago.

"Go through what?" I prodded gently. He finally looked up and his eyes were full of raw anguish.

"We need to leave. Leave Forks and Bella. It's for the best if she doesn't have us in her life. I just, well, I just know it will be fine for her. She'll get over it all." I tried to control my shock but I couldn't help it. My eyes widened as I gasped. Leave Bella? If we all left Forks and Bella behind, it would feel like I was leaving one of my own children behind. Plus, God knows what she would do without us. I couldn't help but feel angered at Edward. Did he really think she would just get over him?

"Yes. I do. She's human, Carlisle. In a week, give or take a day or two, she'll be fine. It will be like we never existed." He seemed so sure of himself. It still felt so wrong; leaving a family member behind. Bella wasn't a vampire yet, but we still all thought of her as family.

"Are you sure, Edward? How can you be so sure that she'll get over us? If you truly think it is right for her, I can't object. We'll leave. But just remember, she's human, Edward. She can't go through so much heartbreak and pain. If you think that your absence will have an impression on her, I wouldn't advise leaving. It could hurt her beyond recognition. And then, of course, you would never be able to come back because it may simply destroy her. I know you'll be in pain after leaving her. Edward, you're in so much pain just thinking about leaving her. What if she'll be the same way? Have you thought about that yet?" His eyes narrowed as he thought about what I had said. Please, think about this.

I knew Bella loved Edward just as much as he loved her. It was evident to anyone who was near the two of them. I couldn't bare to think of what would happen to her if we left. She would be devastated. I cringed to think of the parting words Edward would give her. I knew he would have to be harsh if he wanted the words to completely sink through. He wouldn't know it, but he would breaking her heart, mind, and soul.

"I know she'll be fine. I just know. I don't care if I suffer without her. This isn't about me. She needs to have a human life, human experiences. Not being attacked by Jasper or being hunted by savage trackers. I won't allow it. She deserves so much better." His voice rang with this certainty and sincerity. I sighed in defeat. If he really thought it was right, then we would leave.

"All right. It's settled. We'll leave then." I tried to smile in reassurance, but I just couldn't. This would be so hard for me to do. Edward nodded and we walked out of my office. Everyone looked up with different expressions. Shock. Anger. Hurt. And, yes, happiness. Apparently, they had been listening. Even Esme.

"Your a selfish bastard, you know that? If you really think she'll be fine," Emmett spat the word out angrily, "then you are a serious delusional idiot. She loves you! Why can't you see that? She'll be just as bad as you!" Emmett was on his feet, shouting at Edward while Rosalie sat filing her nails to already perfection.

"I agree. We can't leave. I know Bella's emotions well enough to know that she won't be fine with your absence." Now, Jasper was on his feet. At least his approach was more calm. I looked towards Esme and was shocked to see her smiling. Why was she smiling? Her eyes met mine and I instantly understood. Emmett and Jasper were so protective over Bella. Here they were, fighting against Edward, over whether we leave. I was almost smiling, too.

"Emmett, Jasper, we're leaving. I've made up my mind." Edward's voice rang with certainty.

"You disgust me." Emmett's tone was venomous as Jasper nodded with an angry look in his face.

"What do you think about this, Carlisle?" I looked over to the right where Alice had spoken up from. I nearly forgot about her. I was expecting her to have a strong reaction.

"I think that if Edward is sure this is the right way to go, then so be it. We'll leave." With those words, the uproar started. Jasper started hissing vehemently while Emmett yelled and grabbed the nearest table and broke it in half. Rosalie smiled a cruel, bitter smile while I sighed. Alice's high pitch screams could probably be heard from miles away while Esme, Edward, and I stood calmly.

"How could you think like that, Edward? You'll destroy her! I hope you know that!" Tiny Alice was pounding her fists against the wall as Jasper tried to calm her down.

"The only one to say goodbye will be me. Alice, you will not be attending school tomorrow. I'll tell Bella that you and Jasper are up in Denali. You can help pack." Edward's voice stopped all talking. Alice gasped a terror filled sound and if she was human, I think she would have been sobbing. Her eyes held an immense amount of pain and hurt. She stuck her chin up in the air and moved torward to Edward.

"If you hurt her, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, I swear to God I will hurt you. She has done nothing to deserve such pain. How dare you think you have the right to tell me that I can not say goodbye to my best friend. I tell you this, I will obey your selfish wishes, but I will not enjoy it. Neither will I do such a ridiculous thing again. I hope you know, I've had visions. They're horrid. You're doing nothing for her by leaving. I can't believe someone like yourself could be so cruel to her. You underestimate her so much, and since she can't stick up for herself right now, I'm going to do it for her. I hate you, Edward." The whole house went silent. This was the first fight Edward and Alice had ever had with each other. They were usually so close. Alice's voice rang with such anger that I couldn't help deny her words.

Edward looked down to her and just stared. She hissed and turned on her heel, with Jasper not far behind, and stalked out of the room.

"I agree with her," Emmett's thoughtful voice echoed throughout the room. Rosalie looked up shocked, stunned that her husband was going against her for once. I, too, was shocked. This was unlike Emmett. He then turned and walked towards the same way that Alice and Jasper had and completely ignored Rosalie. This family was falling apart right under my nose.

Edward tensed up and walked out of the house, probably towards Bella's house. Oh, poor Bella. She had no clue what was coming to her.

I grabbed a paper and pen and sat down in front of the fire. With a heavy sigh I began to write my resignation. Yes, this had been a very long night indeed.

As they took your soul away
The night turned into the day
Blinded by your rays of life
Give us the strength we needed