Blinded By Darkness
A collection of one shots on how the Cullen men feel during different times in the three novels. Rated Teen for minor language.
Chapter Nine: Edward's POV of when he asks the Volturi to die.
Songs used in this chapter are Le Disko by Shiny Toy Guns and Kill The Messenger by Jack's Mannequin. Chapter One: How Jasper feels when he loses Bella in Twilight.
Rating 4.5/5 Word Count 3408 Review this Chapter
I'm a stitch away from making it
And a scar away from falling apart, apart
Blood cells pixelate
And eyes dilate
And the full moon pills got me out on the street at night
Hell. That's what this was. Pure, unadulterated, hellish hell. And I couldn't do a thing about it. I watched as my brother broke my sister's heart, and left her there: hurt and betrayed. And what did I do? I tried to comfort the idiotic bastard that broke it in the first place. Because, even though right now I hated him with every fiber in me, I still felt the need to be a good brother and at least do something. And, oh believe me, not only was I feeling like this was hell, everyone did. Esme was constantly on edge of breaking down from the loss of her daughter, Carlisle was stressed with worry over two children, Alice was frustrated that she wasn't allowed to have visions and she was hurt about losing her best friend, and Jasper was constantly in pain from all the hurt coming off of Edward. And Rosalie? I sighed, no, she was just fine. Happy if anything.
"Someone help!" I was snatched out of my thoughts as I heard Alice's shriek from upstairs. Jasper had gone on a hunting trip with Carlisle, so I ran up the steps towards her room. I knew I would have to help since I couldn't imagine Edward actually physically coming out of his room and helping. I burst through the door, anxious to hear about what her vision had contained.
"What is it, Alice?" I shook her shoulders gently, urging her to open her wide topaz eyes.
"Emmett?" She whispered weakly. Her nose twitched lightly and I ruffled her short, spiky hair.
"I'm here. Jasper's on a hunting trip, remember? What did you see?" I continued, sitting down next to her and wrapping my arm around her tiny shoulders.
"Oh, Emmett, it's so bad. We need to stop this," She moved her lips as she spoke, but almost no noise came out. I tightened my hold on her, and her eyes snapped open, revealing pain.
"Is it about Bella? Because you know what Edw-" I started, but she cut me off before I had time to finish.
"Even if it was about Bella, I wouldn't give a damn. Because you know what? Edward needs to get off his high horse and stop thinking he's in control of everyone! I can't always control my visions, and he knows that!" Her voice raised several octaves before she finally seemed to calm down. She took a deep breath, which ended in a loud huff as she pouted and crossed her arms in front of her chest. I chuckled lightly. Tiny Alice was having such mood swings lately.
"Well, I must agree, but go on. Who's it about?" I furrowed my brow, trying to think of who it could possibly be concerning that would have her in such distress if not Bella. Jasper, maybe?
"Edward," she whispered, as she looked at her shoes, raising her legs and twisting her feet so she could admire the shininess of the patent leather and the way it glittered in the light. Her eyes squinted as she took in each and every detail. She was obviously trying to act as if her vision didn't affect her. Her trembling lip told me otherwise.
"What about Edward?" I whispered, barely sounding audible. Edward was still in the house, and I tried desperately not to think about Alice and her visions. Instead, I thought about my night with Rosalie. That should keep him out for a few good hours.
"Well, it wasn't much but," she trailed off into silence as she took notice of a tiny scuff mark on her shoe. She gasped quietly, her eyes going wide in horror and mouth forming a tiny "o" as she rubbed frantically, trying to get the scuff mark off. I barely resisted the urge to roll my eyes. How easily she could be distracted by clothes and fashion.
"Come on, Alice. Forget the shoes, just tell me," I growled as I snatched the shoes off her small feet and threw them at the wall. She gasped, obviously repulsed at me lack of interest in shoes, and looked pitifully at the broken off heal of the right shoe in the corner.
"You complete and utter moron! Why'd you do that? Those are one of my favorite pairs! You can't just go around throwing people's things and breaking them!" She snarled as she looked between me and the scuffed and broken shoes. This time, I didn't resist the urge to roll my eyes.
"Alice, you can get a new pair. Now, tell me. What. Did. You. See?" I grabbed her by the shoulders and turned her to face me, her back now to the shoes. She glared at me for a second before giving an exasperated sigh. She rolled her eyes at my dramatic display of trying to get her attention.
"Ok, Ok, I'll tell you. Calm down." I nodded, eager to show her I was claming down. I made a big effect of taking deep breaths, which resulted in her childish giggle.
"I'm calm, go on." I smiled, showing her I had completed the process of calming down.
"All right. Well, the vision was about Edward, as you already know. He's planning something, Emmett. We can't let him go through with it. If we do, oh, it'll be horrible! He'll be miserable, Emmett. So, so miserable! You and Carlisle are the only ones able to really get through to him. He'll listen to you because of your experience, and he'll listen to Carlisle out of respect. If the two of you talk to him together, oh crap, wait. That won't work. He'll be trying to put his plan in action before Carlisle gets back. It'll just have to be you," she mumbled quietly. I clamped my hand over her mouth in order to stop the endless rambling. She was leaving out details.
"Woah, woah, slow down. What is he planning?" My eyebrows shot up as I asked, trying to come up with reasonable responses. Dating someone else? No way, that'd be too odd. Thinking he's gay? Ha, that's a laugh. Giving himself over to the Volturi? Oh, crap, well that would certainly be bad.
"He's going to leave. Leave us! Can't you just imagine how horrible he'll be? He'll be miserable, and so alone, and someone could so easily take advantage of him. It's so dreadful!" She exclaimed, shaking her head repeatedly. I sighed and scratched my head. Leaving? Us? Leaving us? It seemed so odd, so foreign, so strange. I knew Edward had left Carlisle and Esme at one time, but I never imagined him doing that again. Plus, he regretted his 'rebellion' very much, I couldn't even bare to think of him actually leaving all of us.
"Shit. This is bad. We have to get them back together," I mumbled, more to myself than to anybody. Alice nodded in agreement, hopelessness visible in her eyes.
"If I knew how, then I would. But we both know it's useless, Emmett. Look at him. He's so dead set that she's better without him. And he also doesn't even think that possibly we know her better than him, even though we all know she's miserable without him. He won't ever go back, not as long as we try to persuade him. If we bring Bella to tell him though-" She tried to continue, and I admit. It was one hell of a plan. But, before she could finish, the door flew open revealing a very anrgy Edward. I gulped, he definitely wasn't happy about our conversation that he interrupted.
"Don't you dare try to communicate with her! I swear to God if you do, not Rosalie or Jasper or anyone else would be able to stop me from ripping you both to shreds!" His snarled echoed throughout the house. Alice seemed to be completely unfazzled that he had said such a thing.
"You can't control us, Edward! We'll do whatever we want! And I can guarantee you'll be thankful we did!" Alice growled back as she got up and marched right up to him and poked him in the chest. Hard. I sighed, these two had gotten in more fights lately that I had even seen Bella fall. You had a better chance of seeing them argue then seeing her trip. It was astonishing.
"Emmett," he warned as he growled. Oops. He had been reading my mind.
"Sorry," I murmured, as Alice looked at with pure awe and outrage in her eyes.
"You've got to be kidding me! Don't apologize to him! You can think whatever you like! Please, think about her face, Emmett, her voice and her personality. I would like to see what it does to him," she hissed to me. I really needed to remember not to get on her bad side. But, as stupid as it seemed, I was more afraid of my 5' sister than my mind-reading brother. I grinned impishly at the glaring Edward before thinking of Bella's youthful and innocent face in my mind. Alice nodded in approval as Edward roared.
"I can't stand you people! Why you insist on enjoying hurting people, I'll never know!" He turned around and marched away. I gulped, when Alice and Edward got into fights, it was like you almost expected the world to explode any second. That fight hadn't even gotten that bad. Plus, usually Jasper had to step in before Edward could actually hurt Alice.
"Why can't he just see that she's just as bad as him?" Alice whimpered as she sat down next to me. I nodded, completely agreeing.
"You should go talk to him, he's packing as we speak," she mumbled as she stared expressionless at the doorway. My brow furrowed in confusion.
"What do you mean, packing?" I questioned and I got up and walked over to the broken shoes, now long forgotten, and picked them up.
"Packing, ya know. He's going to be leaving, and if you don't persuade him to stay, he'll be out of here in less than 4 minutes," she sighed as I stood in front of her with her shoes in my hands. She mumbled her thanks and I nodded.
"Fine, I will. Wish me luck," I murmured as I walked down the steps, taking my sweet time getting to Edward's room. I heard things being shuffled around and sighed. Oh please don't let him snap at me. I raised my hand to knock on the closed door, but it opened before I could even knock, revealing a very distressed Edward.
"What?" He asked, in his usual monotone voice.
"May I come in?" I added a charming smile to add onto the effect of innocence. He nodded his head stiffly before moving to the side to let me in. I hesitantly took a step forward, into his room. When I was sure he wouldn't attack me, I sighed and sat on the new black leather couch.
"We need to talk." And I'm serious. No "I'm fine" crap, I added, silently, in my mind. He nodded tensely.
"Make it quick," he snapped. I sighed, jeez, this would be hard. I didn't even know where to start.
"All right, I know you're not going to agree with me, but just listen, Ok? No interruptions," I waited for him to respond, and when he nodded once, I continued, "Well, first things first: You're an idiot. You should know by now that you're never going to get any better than how miserable you are currently. You need her. She needs you. How is that so hard to understand? It's easy peasy. I mean, come on Edward, do you really think she'll get over you and go skipping merrily, handing out lollipops and singing? No! She'll be hurt and alone. Is that really what you want for her, Edward? Because I don't think it is," I concluded, feeling proud. I had tried to make my point. Now all he had to do was listen. I watched as he clenched his jaw and glared at me through such pained eyes, it almost hurt to look back.
"No offense Emmett, but I think I know her more than you do," he spat. I rolled my eyes as I stood up from my position on the couch and leaned against the desk instead.
"Haven't you ever heard the phrase "Love is blind?" I asked, wiggling my eyebrows suggestively. He scoffed lightly, mimicking my position as he stared back coldly.
"Emmett, I doubt I'd be so blind as to not know her personality," And how much she loves you, I added in my mind. He widened his eyes slightly, taking in my thoughts.
"Just listen Edward, have you thought just once yet that maybe it was a mistake?" He looked slightly taken back. All of us had asked him if this was what he really wanted, but I think that this might have been the first time he really actually thought about it. He nodded, twice, to show me I was right.
"Emmett, how could I ever be sure that this isn't a mistake? I'll never know though, because I don't ever intend on going back to see how she is. So just drop it," he added seriously. Oh God, this was going to be harder than I thought. He had somehow gotten into his big, thick head the idea of leaving Bella was a good thing.
"You idiot. Have you not realized yet that she even loves you? You weren't and never will be just a 'high school crush' to her! You'll always be something so much more! You know from Alice's, Esme's, and Rosalie's thoughts of how they feel about us. Just because you can't read Bella's mind, doesn't mean her thoughts are any different! Hell, even I can see how much she loves you! If you don't believe me, just ask Jasper! She may be an exception to your gift, but not to Jasper's! He knows how much she loves you, and he knows how much you love her! Just, dammit Edward, don't give up on her now when she may need you the most," I yelled, outraged that he could mistake her undying love for a crush.
"If I had wanted your opinion, or Jasper's, I would have asked." His snarl met my yell and I seriously had never had such an impulse to rip someone's head off. Idiot!
"Well, too bad Edward, cause you're getting mine anyway." I pictured Bella's young and beautiful face in my mind, as detailed as it could ever possibly be, with her eyes full of love and adoration. How could he think such idiotic thoughts? It almost insulted her love. He growled in response to my mental image and threw his head in his hands.
"Stop it." Screw him, I just continued with my mental images of Bella. Next, I remembered her scarlet blush.
"God dammit, Emmett! Cut it out!" His head raised, eyes full of blazing anger and pain. Oh please, let that message get through to him.
"Edward, as long as you live here without her, I'll always be thinking of her. One of us needs to keep up her remembrance."
"Fine. Then I'll leave. I was planning on it anyway," he snapped. Shit! That wasn't what I wanted!
"Edward, that's not what I mea-" But, no, the Great Edward decided to cut me off.
"Are you sure, Emmett? Because that's what it seemed to me." With that he grabbed a suitcase and glided out the door. I sprinted after him, I would surely fail as a big brother if I let him walk away. First, I let my little sister get her heart broken and stepped over, and now I was letting my brother suffer in pain and leave us all.
"Wait, Edward! We can help you! Come on! Just hold it!" He ignored me as we ran past Alice, who was watching from the foot of the stairs, with a subdued expression. She couldn't even look us in the eyes.
"No one can help me, Emmett! Just let me go," he whispered. I stopped in my tracks. His voice was so tortured, so pained that I could only stand there and watch.
I let him go.
He wasn't the same Edward I knew once. Hell, he was even more morose than he had been before Bella. I watched in the doorway as he ran out to his Volvo and stuffed the suitcase inside. This is going to break Esme's heart, I told him silently. He nodded once, completely stiff. I gulped, this family was crumbling apart. Soon, without Edward and Bella, I doubted we would even be a family. I could bet that eventually we would all break apart, just with our mates. It made me sick to think like that. No Alice, no Jasper, no Carlisle, no Esme. The mother that I had never dreamed of having.
Before he got in the car, I fit in one last thought before he drove away. Maybe you never really loved her after all. Maybe she really was just a distraction. His head whipped up, looking as if I had slapped him.
"I'll always love her," he whispered, his lips barely moving. Then, he jumped in the driver's seat and sped off.
After Edward had walked out, Alice and I sat dejectedly on the front porch, waiting for the rest of the family to get home. I hated giving bad news. How the hell was I supposed to tell Esme that not only had she lost a daughter in the past month, but she had just lost a son?
"Why didn't you try to stop him?" I questioned, asking Alice as she held her tiny head in her delicate hands.
"Hmm?" She looked at me, confusion written clearly on her face.
"I just wanted to know why you didn't stop him. He walked right past you," I clarified. Her head raised, slowly, and her bottom lip trembled. She looked like a lost puppy. Literally.
"Emmett, there's nothing I could have done. I may be able to scream and yell at him, but I can't persuade him. I can't tell him to do anything. Only you and Carlisle can probably do that." She sighed as she finished. Then, her head slowly went back to being cradled by her hands. And that's when it hit me: I sucked. I could have tried harder, and I knew that now. I could have done so much more from the very beginning. Hell, I could have even gone to Bella before Edward had told her anything, and warned her. I could have smacked more sense into Edward the very night he came back home and told us his plan. I could have kept him from going. I could have controlled Jasper more. I could have done so much more.
These past weeks had been so hard. At first Edward had just locked himself in his room, silent and unmoving. Jasper and I had wanted so badly to run in there and just grab him and take him back to Forks. It had pained all of us to watch him in such agony. And then he slowly came out, barely, and pretended to be fine. Like her lack of presence didn't affect him. Damn facades. In my opinion, they never worked.
Like I had said, this was hell. Pure, unadulterated hellish hell.
Put love on hold,
Young Hollywood is on the other line
Her nose runs ruby red, deaths in a double bed
Singing songs that could only catch the ear of the desperate