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A Broken Heart That Just Keeps Getting Bruised

Summary:
Ever wonder what Jake was thinking towards the end of Eclipse? Well this is that type of story. There is a little information about after the ending of Eclipse too. Wondering what happens from here well its simple really give me a substantial amount of reviews and I will write more! THERE ARE SPOILERS!!!!


Notes:
Jakes feelings towards the end of Eclipse!


1. A Broken Heart That Just Keeps Getting Bruised

Rating 3/5   Word Count 2024   Review this Chapter

Sleeping in that sleeping bag with Bella was one of the most amazing things that could have happened to me. I was so close to her yet so far away. If only I could convince her she loved me. It would have been better if that bloodsucker, Edward, wasn’t there to encroach on my thoughts but I would take what I could get. I was so happy in those few hours that I had with her I never would have seen what was to come. The happiest night of my life would actually turn into the worst day of my long extended life.

The next morning I was supposed to head back to the fight where we were to face new born vampires. I made the mistake of lingering in the woods instead of heading straight back that day. After I left I heard Bella and Edward talking about the best and worst nights of their lives. Of course one of Edwards was when Bella agreed to marry him. MARRY HIM SHE COULDN’T DO THAT IT JUST WASN’T RIGHT! She was giving up everything for that filthy leech. It also meant that my Bella wouldn’t be Bella anymore but one of those… one of those leeches. This tore my heart in two. She couldn’t marry that leech without realizing that she loved me. That she had another choice to be my wife to be my everything. I cried out in pain as everything in my body exploded. I crumpled to the ground in pain and lay there rocking back and forth. I could only imagine this was what Bella felt like after Edward left her. As much as I wanted them to the tears just wouldn’t come. They were there and I willed them to spill from my eyes like they should have been. I was full of pain I had lost the game I was trying so hard to win. I was so full of pain yet I could not cry. I guess I was too upset to cry. I lost the most important thing in my life to my mortal enemy and that was too much to bear.

I don’t know how long I laid there. Nothing mattered anymore I had lost. Bella was one of them no matter what now. I do remember that leech coming to find me begging me to go back for Bella’s sake. Bella needed to talk to me. This shouldn’t have meant anything to me her mind was made up. But like an idiot I decided that maybe there was still hope for me to show her the other way out. Edward left us to talk alone and I listened as she talked but didn’t care about any of it. I had my own plan a tactless and shameful plan but I knew it would work. I told Bella because she didn’t care about me that I would kill myself in the fight. Just as I planned Bella realized that she loved me and asked for the kiss I had bee waiting so long for.

That kiss was the most amazing feeling I had ever had. It wasn’t like before when I forced the kiss. This one was full of love lots of love. I knew nothing had changed though she was still going to become one of them. I didn’t care anymore I had done everything I wanted to. Bella now knew she had the option but she would never take it I knew that. I headed back to the fight and arrived with a few minutes to spare. I tired to push my thoughts of Bella out of my head for the fight but that didn’t work. The fight hadn’t even started yet and I was already driving the pack crazy with my desires for Bella. I could only imagine what this was doing to Edward because he too could hear my thoughts through the packs connection.

I don’t remember much of the fight but what I do remember was trying to save Leah. That went over worse than I ever would expect though. I was grabbed by a new born and I ended up with the entire side of my body crushed. Even though I wasn’t conscious I could tell when Bella was there. She was frantic with worry and I couldn’t blame her. I woke up sometime later and waited for her I knew she would be back. I also knew what was to come when she came back. It was goodbye for good. I was giving up on winning her over. I meant a lot to her but Edward meant more. This time the tears came but I refused to let them fall until the very end.

Bella arrived and we both talked about everything that we felt. I knew this was hard for her but I don’t think that she even realized how hard it was for me. When she told me about her vision of the future it was all I could not cry out in pain. I didn’t show the pain because I didn’t want to make it any harder for her. She felt guilty as it was almost as if she used me but I didn’t care I would always be there for her. I was guilty too I played dirty to win part of her heart. As she got up off the bed and headed towards the door I could see the clouds moving off the sun and the sun approaching the moon. Finally when the door shut behind her it was over the eclipse had come and it was permanent. She had walked out the door and out of my life for good. My reason for living was gone even though I hadn’t imprinted on her she was the only girl I would ever love. The tears streamed down my checks and I cried until there were no more tears left and everything went numb. For the second time in twenty-four hours I knew what Bella felt like when Edward left. But unlike Bella I wasn’t going to get the happy ending she did. There was no way she was coming back and there was no way I could force her to. Somehow I managed to sleep a dreamless sleep that night. Like everything else the world kept moving forward but for me time was standing still. I would always live in the past those faithful minutes before Bella walked out that door and out of my life.

Carlisle came by early the next morning to make sure that everything was healing properly. I couldn’t wait until he cleared me to phase because I need to run and forget the world around me for awhile. Before leaving he stopped and said, “I know you don’t want to talk about this but Bella really does love you Jacob. She is going to miss you terribly but you need to stay strong for her and always be there if she needs a friend before and after her change. I will try my best to get her to write but I can’t make any promises. If you make the first move she maybe more liable to fallow through with it.”

I knew Carlisle’s heart was in the right place but it only wedge the knife in my heart that much deeper. I managed to choke out an ok before asking him to leave. The tears came back again and this time each sob became harder that the last. Each memory of Bella drove the knife farther into my heart. Everyone always says that I would imprint someday but the truth was I had imprinted even though it wasn’t a true imprint. Bella was the love of my life and I couldn’t change that. They also said time would ease the pain but I look at Sam and Leah and know that’s not the case.

After a week of agony and heartache I was cleared to phase and I was able to do whatever I felt like. Of course I still had to fake a broken arm and leg because Charlie was at the damn house when I got home. The first time I fazed Sam made sure I was alone with my thoughts for as long as possible. I ran for three days before I came home. Sam understood better than anyone else what was going on. He too knows what its like to loose someone you love to something stronger than love. No one dared tell me that I would imprint someday because the truth was there was no other girl for me and they all knew that. I half expected bitter harpy, Leah, would have understood but instead all she did was bitch about my constant thoughts about Bella. Leah was never really my friend but she was never really my enemy either. But ever sense everything with Bella she had become my enemy. She was the one that was supposed to be jaded by love not me. She was supposed to get the sympathy and because she had lost that to me she lost all respect for me.

A month or so after everything that happened I came home from the cliffs after a nasty fight with Leah to find an invitation to Bella’s wedding. Never once did I think that she was that cold hearted. When I opened the letter addressed to me that came with it I understood. It was from Edward. Bella didn’t want me to even know but Edward thought I should have the choice. I understood then he was trying to make this as civil as possible. It made sense for him to do this for me. He knew I would want closure in everyway I could get. I was happy he was willing to risk one of the happiest days of his life just to make me more ok with the fact she was leaving. He was giving me one last chance to see her and say a final goodbye. Even though it was a nice gesture it drove me over the edge.

I took off this time not looking back and not wanting to. I would never come back because I would never be happy in La Push again. I knew it was a weak excuse and that I was letting everyone else down. I couldn’t forget them but I couldn’t be with them any longer. I ran until I got tried then phased and let my emotions take over. I cried until there was nothing left and then just sat there rocking back and forth until I was numb and sleep found me. That was the first night in almost a year I didn’t dream of Bella Swan. Instead I dreamt of myself living alone in the woods with no one else around and no one else to make miserable. Everything I ever wanted was seen in that one dream and I never would have it. I gave up that night and giving up isn’t what I would normally do but it was the only thing I would ever do to make myself deal with what has come to me.

Bella would be disappointed but I don’t care anymore. I left not thinking of anyone else. I was sure that everyone would wonder what happened to Jacob Black but I didn’t care. The few friends of Bella’s that knew who I was would surely think I left because of Bella’s marriage to Edward. They would be partly right or course they couldn’t know the real reason. No one would ever know that in Forks there was a ring of unnatural things. Vampires and Werewolves exist in that small town and there was one girl that fell in love with them both. No one would ever know the truth. Some how Charlie never figured out that there was something different about any of us. My life as a boy was over because the next time I phased I intended to stay a wolf forever. The tears won't fall from my eyes that way and I will never have to worry about the pain of human emotions again!