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New Scars

Summary:
What would happen if Bella had gone home with Jacob the night after the movies, the night Jacob made his first transformation as a werewolf? And what effect would this have when Edward comes back in the picture? LAST CHAPTER UP!


Notes:
This story takes place right after Bella and Jacob drop Mike off at his house and Jacob is admitting he isn't feeling well. Page 218 in New Moon if you want to be exact


12. Chapter 12

Rating 5/5   Word Count 2282   Review this Chapter

“Bella, we need to talk,”

The car stopped. The sound a door being shut sounded and Edward appeared at my side, pulling my door open saying, “There’s something I want to show you,”

I stepped out, the bitter wind biting at my face, confused. I thought we were going to talk, but apparently he had something to show me first. I was torn. As much as I wanted to be with Edward and stay with him forever, I also knew that was an impossibility. I should have been treating this situation like a Band-Aid: rip it off as fast as possible. I should just demand we talk right now to get it over with; hopefully it would be less painful that way.

“It’s not that far away,” Edward said, as he hesitated slightly then pulled me by my arm into the direction he wanted to go. My heart thumped so erratically that I swore I could hear it. I knew Edward could too because he gave me that crooked smile that took my breath away and only made my heart beat faster.

I mentally berated myself for how he could still make me react like this. He had no right. I just had to remind myself all the things his absence had put me through. He hurt me. By me being hurt, I hurt Charlie. I found some light with Jacob, but I probably broke him with my absence. I couldn’t exactly blame Edward for Victoria and Laurent’s reappearance; but he could have protected me, instead of a bunch of young, vulnerable werewolves who look so very breakable compared how rock-like the Cullens were.

We walked in silence, trudging through the snow. Edward politely matched his stride with mine. It wasn’t far, just as Edward had said. I suppose this was his meadow’s substitute. It was just as beautiful and stunning as the meadow, only in opposite ways. The meadow magical because it was bright, and open. This clearing had a fine layer of snow over everything. The effect it gave the trees was breathtaking. It also had a creek that amazingly wasn’t completely frozen over, so you could hear the water running through.

“So,” Edward started awkwardly.

“So,” I said back lamely.

“How have you been?”

Horrible, I thought. I miss you. I wish you never left. My life is meaningless without you. I don’t have much reason to live anymore now that you’re no longer in my life. I want to be with you but I’m afraid of rejection and getting hurt again. I don’t want you to ever leave but I know you’ll have to.

But I didn’t have the courage to say that much. Instead I opted for a shrug of the shoulders and a “Been better,”

Edward nodded curtly and some look I couldn’t decipher crossed his face. It was a relief to see him showing some emotion. The last memories I had of him, he was so dead and emotionless it literally was like talking to a dead person (yes, the term was very cliché).

“How are you?” I asked, hating how awkward, stiff, and formal we were sounding.

“Been better,” His lips twitched slightly. Of course he would have been better. His mate had just died, he wanted to kill himself but I interrupted it, and now he has to deal with his ex. I bet he has had better days.

An uncomfortable silence followed. “I’m sorry,” I blurted out. Edward looked at me confused.

“About your mate,” I explained, shooting myself in the foot. “I’m sorry she died.”

“She never died,” he said softly.

It was my turn to be confused. “But,” I paused, trying to reorganize my thoughts. His confession had thrown me off. “If your mate didn’t die, then why was Aro telling me they were having to deal with a ‘suicidal’ vampire?”

Edward’s eyes melted. “You thought had found someone else?”

“Well, it’s not like if you did, it would be my business or anything,” I felt my cheeks heat up and I stared down at my feet.

“I never did find anyone else. I didn’t even try,” Edward said, lifting my chin so my gaze was to his face. “Alice had a vision. She saw Charlie in a suit at a funeral crying. You weren’t there to comfort him. So even though I told her not to, Alice looked for your future to check on you but she couldn’t find you. Your future just wasn’t there anymore.

“I was devastated. I took it as you weren’t alive anymore. I put it together that Charlie was attending your funeral and that’s why Alice’s sight didn’t show you having a future.”

“You asked to be killed because you thought I was dead?” I stared at him in disbelief.

“Well, yes, I-”

“You what?” I interrupted. “Felt guilty?” I stared at him in disgust. I recalled how Edward liked to always place the blame on himself but this was taking it to extremes.

“Edward, you need to stop doing this. Thinks are going to happen to me, ok, and you aren’t always going to be able to stop it. You can’t go and kill yourself every time that something happens to me. Nothing even did happen to me. You just jumped to conclusions. You reacted this badly to nothing but what’ll happen when something does? Are you just going to run off to Italy again the next time trip using the stairs? Because if that’s the case you are going to have the world’s shortest life expectancy!”

Amazingly enough, Edward had remained silent during my rant and took everything I said without interrupting. Now that I was finished, he asked calmly, “Are you done?”

I took a deep breath. “Yes,”

“Good, then can I get a word in?” Edward seemed bemused by out of character yelling at him. I nodded and he continued. “Yes, of course I felt guilty. All I could think was I should have been there. Of course, now I know that nothing bad did happen to you, but still. Why did you future disappear like that? Alice could see it clearly earlier back in Italy. And how did you come to be in Italy? In, of all people’s, the Volturi’s procession!”

I opened my mouth but Edward kept going. “I want to protect you Bella. I want to be able to keep you safe. I seem to fail at that every single time. You say nothing happened but you don’t look the way I remember you.” his thumb traced down the angry red lines forever on my face.

“I tried to fight off a bear,” I lied pathetically, totally mesmerized by his eyes. He gave me a look and then I amended, “It was a werewolf.”

“A werewolf,” he repeated in an almost inaudible whisper. He continued in a louder voice, “Bella, werewolves are the most dangerous things to be around. Their unstable, and have no control over their abilities whatsoever. What were you thinking?”

“What do you even care?” I shot back defensively. “You left me, remember. And those werewolves you just insulted are my friends. I probably wouldn’t be alive right now if it wasn’t for them.”

“Bella,” Edward sighed my name. “I don’t even know how to apologize. All those things I said last September were a lie. I left only because I thought I was protecting you. After seeing you put in danger yet again because of me, I was torn apart. As I told you before, it proved that I loved you more because I forced myself to leave you. I left you for you. I knew you wouldn’t leave me without a fight, so I told that horrible lie that I didn’t love you. That was the biggest, ugliest, most inexcusable lie I have ever had to tell. And the fact that you believed it. I could see it in you eyes. It took all I had not to forgo all of this and shake you, tell you that I did love you. I left for your safety, but look at what happened. You were captured by Victoria, taken to Italy by the Volturi who were going to turn you, and some dog lost control around you. My absence only made things worse,”

Edward looked in so much pain that it hurt me. He continued, “To think that all the pain I went through, and put you through, was worthless. I was nothing without you. As much as it embarrasses me, I spent most of my time crawling into a ball willing the pain to go away. I love you so much Bella, I’m not even worthy of asking for your forgiveness.”

I was speechless. When I finally found my voice I asked, “Do you really love me?”

He gave me his favorite crooked grin. “Of course, after all the times I told you before that I do, and then for you to believe that I didn’t. That was horrible enough.”

“Edward, you left me once before. What’s going to stop you from doing it again?” And I knew he would leave, very soon actually. He just needed to talk to me and then I’d be on my way back to Washington. I would need to fabricate an alibi for my absence. Surely, I did have Charlie and Jake worried sick.

“Bella, do you love me?” Edward asked uncertainly.

“What kind of question is that?”

“Please just answer it.”

“Yes, I can’t imagine myself with anyone else. No one else can even come close in comparison to how I feel towards you. I just . . . don’t know if I can trust you anymore,”

Edward eye’s filled with grief. “I guess I deserve that.”

“I want to trust you though. I want to so badly but I don’t how to. Edward, I can’t handle you leaving me again.” I felt so dead when he first left me. I was certain if he did again, not even Jake would be able to fix me.

“I won’t ever leave you again, I swear,” Edward told me fiercely. “I love you and I always will.”

“Prove it,” I needed proof or I could never be sure of myself when I was around him.

Edward’s gaze drifted as he thought. He started pacing. Erupted he stopped and came back to where I was standing. He looked slightly nervous and hesitant before saying, “I’ll prove it by changing you,”

I was stumped. This was the ultimate sign that he loved and cared for me. I knew all his thoughts and view on me being changed. He thought it would make me soulless. He thought being a vampire made you ‘eternally damned’. He would make me a vampire and then we could finally be together forever, literally.

“But you have to marry me first,” Wait, what?

I looked at Edward now in horror. Marriage? Was he deluded? “You’re kidding right?”

“Bella, I just proposed and you think I’m joking?”

“You obviously are because first of all, I’m only eighteen. I haven’t even finished high school yet, and I was raised practically knowing marriage as something that can only lead to doom.” Renee had very firm beliefs on how I shouldn’t marry until I was at least over the age of thirty. “And can you think about what other people would say when they find out? I would just sound like some girl whose high school sweetheart knocked up and now was marrying him in what would only end in a horrible divorce.”

“Then don’t go back,” Edward told me. “You don’t need to return to Forks, nobody would need to know. I don’t care how young you are or that you never graduated. That isn’t what’s important to me. I love you and I want to be with you. That’s what I care about. And if you really like school that much, I’m sure you can get enrolled in a few years after your change.”

His words made sense. I hated school. Returning to Forks would only raise more questions about my whereabouts. People would ask questions I didn’t want to answer. What difference would it made if I got married now? I wouldn’t have to worry about the painful goodbyes either, if I had been given this chance in difference circumstances. It actually works out better this way.

“It would have to be anything big or special. It wouldn’t matter to me,” Edward continued. “In fact, if it would make you feel better, we could even have Emmett get a license off the internet.”

Edward had made of my mind. I laughed at the prospect of Emmett acting as our priest. The mention of Emmett made me miss him acutely. Emmett and all the other Cullens. Heck, I even missed Rosalie.

“Yes,” I said.

“Yes?” Edward asked seriously. I nodded.

Then Edward finally did what I had been waiting all this time for. He leaned forward and kissed me. I had forgotten how great it was to kiss Edward. His arms wrapped themselves around my waist and I knotted my hands in his silky hair. He smelled so wonderful; my memories did him no justice.

This kiss was much more reckless than any kiss I had even shared with him. He pulled away, much too soon for my liking, and he was grinning at my broadly. “I love you Isabella Marie Swan,” he said.

“Soon to be Cullen,” I reminded him.

“Soon to be Cullen,” His smile became even bigger before he bent forward and kissed me again.