Edward looks through Bella's window. He has been gone for six months, two weeks, a day, and five hours. He knows every minute because it hurts so much. All he wanted to do was see her one more time. What happens when he learns what he has done to the only one he will ever love? banner that actually shows up made by the FANtastic iris!
This will switch between Edward's thoughts and Bella's. Disclaimer: I own nothing.
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That is all I can say to myself. Edward Cullen, you are an accursed fool.
So you’re in pain. You deserve it. You knew it would hurt, you idiot. But you couldn’t leave well enough alone. Couldn’t leave her alone. Fool.
Before my mind, my better judgement can stop me, I vault through her window. Imbecile. It doesn’t hurt enough, does it? Just this aching hollowness from her window alone isn’t enough pain for you? Sick, masochistic lion.
I need it, need the pain, need to see her. Like you need her blood, you monster? You promised her. Can’t even give her what you said you would. Can’t leave her alone.
It is simple enough for my cursed body to transport itself through the window.
It is open. I wonder why. Surely, she has forgotten me. I have left her alone for six months, two weeks, a day, five hours, six minutes, and forty-three seconds. Forty-four. Forty-five. Not that I’m keeping track, not that every instant the clock ticks by doesn’t pierce my soul like a flaming arrow, not that I need her, I want her, I couldn’t possibly have told a greater lie than saying I didn’t.
And right now all my good reasons, hungry vampires and Jasper, beyond reason, and her wanting to be damned like I am and her beautiful, fragile soul… They have all evaporated.
Because I see her. Oh, my angel. She sleeps as she always did, curled on her side. There is only one slight difference. Her arms wrap around her waist. I allow myself an instant to gaze on her face, and see in that moment what I never wanted to. Her face is twisted in pain, as her eyes flicker open with a scream. My mind is gone. It is useless. Pure instinct takes over, and I gather her in my arms. Some slight sliver of consciousness remains, and it berates me.
But I am holding her. So soft, so warm, so precious. I cannot hurt her. Cannot let myself… I must leave.
“Get away!” she orders.
I obey. Her screams do not quiet.
“Dreams. You said you’d leave me alone, liar! Why did you lie to me!”
Why did I lie to her? Why did I ever say I didn’t love her? That thought sends pain whimpering through my heart. How could I not love her? And tears stream out of her eyes, gleaming as they run down her cheeks.
“I love you, Edward. Don’t leave me! See, you won’t stay. Not even in dreams. You never loved me, but why do you hate me? I love you! Don’t hurt me again.”
Cautiously, I inch back over to the bed.
“I could never hurt you, angel.”
“Don’t say that. It’ll only be worse when I wake up.”
I hold her.
“I love you. I’ll always love you.” So true.
“DON’T SAY THAT!” She is weeping truly now.
What have I done?
I can’t see this. What hurts me more, to stay or go? She’ll get over you. Give her a while. You need to leave. Go. Don’t you love her?
Of course I do! How could my thoughts betray me? I will always love her, always need her.
I make myself a deal.
Come back, Edward. In a month. Another night like this. If she still wants you, still weeps, stay. I stand. It is a compromise I am willing to make with myself. The pain is worth it. I walk to the window.
She sobs on the bed as I escape through the window from what I have done.
It hurts me, the echoing resonance of her tears my sensitive ears catch.
But I deserve it.
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