Edward looks through Bella's window. He has been gone for six months, two weeks, a day, and five hours. He knows every minute because it hurts so much. All he wanted to do was see her one more time. What happens when he learns what he has done to the only one he will ever love? banner that actually shows up made by the FANtastic iris!
This will switch between Edward's thoughts and Bella's. Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Rating 4.5/5 Word Count 1056 Review this Chapter
“Edward, I can’t. I’m so sorry but I can’t. I love you, but I can’t. Not for one more minute can I be without you. Please, just kill me. Please. Don’t make me live. I can’t do it. I’ve given everything I have, trying to go on without you. You’ve taken it all. And I just can’t do this, Edward. I don’t have it in me.”
“I don’t expect you to trust me.”
“I trust you.” Always, in every way. I have to. He’s the only one I will ever believe in again. “I just don’t trust myself, to be enough, to keep you here. I can’t do it. Don’t make me try. I cannot live without my life. I cannot live without my soul.” I was certain he would recognize the quote from my favorite book, Wuthering Heights.
“Bella, don’t make me go. I’ll die without you.”
I couldn’t believe him. Couldn’t. “I’m already dead. I’m nothing more than a shell filled with pain. Don’t make me go on.”
“Is there no way I can prove my love to you? Anything. I’ll do anything.”
There was one thing I needed. Him. But he could never again be mine. No matter what he said, I couldn’t believe it. The pain was so close, and it could swallow me up, would devour me, the instant he was gone. And I couldn’t stand it. Couldn’t do this again. No matter what he said, I couldn’t open myself up to that suffering. Better to die. Better to end it, once and for all. I don’t believe a word he says, so I know he will be relieved to know I’m gone, that what must have been a source of guilt is finally finished.
And for me? I will die. And soon. I can’t do this for one more day. I want him to be here. If the way my torment ends is with his lips at my throat, well, I can pretend it’s a kiss. If all he ever wants of me is my blood, at least my life can stay within him. What better way to die than at the hands of the one who has slain me already.
“Kill me. Please.”
“No! I can’t do that. Bella, I can’t end your life. That’s why I left in the first place, so you could be safe.”
“You left because I’m worthless. You left because you never loved me. And I can’t live without your love.”
“I suppose it’s a good thing I am in love with you, then.”
“Don’t. Don’t lie to me.”
He grabs me, gently, and pulls me with tender but irresistible force to his side. “Bella, I could never lie to you.”
“Then I guess you weren’t lying when you said you didn’t love me.”
“I said I didn’t want you. Which was true.” My guerilla hope shattered with his words, yet he continued. The pain almost overwhelmed me, despite his beautiful touch. “I didn’t want you to suffer. Didn’t want to cause you pain.”
I laughed, a terse, pained sound. “I believe that. Especially since I haven’t slept a night without nightmares, since I haven’t gone one instant without seeing your face and almost dying. Well, I suppose there’s been one time too many. Edward, I can’t trust you. I don’t have it in me. I’m sorry, and I love you, but I can’t do that. You said you’d do anything?”
He nodded eagerly, the hope in his eyes so beautiful my heart almost burst.
“Do this. Kill me. I want to die, and I want you to be the one to end my life. You’ve already almost done it. Shouldn’t you follow through?”
His face darkened. “I can’t. I am incapable of hurting you.”
I laughed again. “Right. Which is of course why I’m attempting to convince you to aid in my suicide? Because you can’t hurt me?”
His eyes twisted in something akin to agony. That is an emotion I am most familiar with.
“Please, Edward. If you love me, you’ll make the pain stop. I’m going to die either way. Just do this one thing. For me.”
It would never work. Why would he care if I wanted something? Why would my undesirable love be a motivator for him?
And yet, inexplicably, something like resolve streaked across his face.
“All right. If death will convince you- maybe in the afterlife you will believe me. Because I won’t go on without you.”
“No! No, you have to. Live. For Carlisle and Esme and Emmett and Jasper and Rosalie and Alice! Live for them like I’ve been trying to live for Charlie. Live for me. Do this, please. Because even vampires don’t live forever. Sooner or later, you’ll come to wherever I am. And then I’ll believe you. Please, Edward. Please.”
He bowed his head. A single sob escaped, though he had no tears. “I suppose that’s a fair penance. Very well. If you want me to go through eternity with your blood on my hands, alone, I will. For you, Bella. I love you.”
And again, I almost believed him. But the pain was there, the hole ready to consume me. I couldn’t let that happen. “Thank you,” I whispered, and he smiled.
It was a perfect smile, but yet not a smile at all. “Anything for you.”
“This is all I want.” It’s all I trust myself enough to ask for.
“I promise, I won’t make you suffer again.”
His eyes close, and I see him swallow. In my final second, I feast my eyes on his beauty.
“Edward, I love you,” I whisper, just as I feel the sharpness of his teeth on my throat. Pain begins to burn through my body, slowly, fierce. I realize what has happened suddenly and with great fury. He isn’t killing me at all. Now I’m going to suffer forever. I scream, more from rage than from pain. As the agony becomes too bad for me to see, I look on his face, blurring in my strained vision.
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