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Nightmare Angel

Summary:
Edward looks through Bella's window. He has been gone for six months, two weeks, a day, and five hours. He knows every minute because it hurts so much. All he wanted to do was see her one more time. What happens when he learns what he has done to the only one he will ever love? Image Hosted by ImageShack.us banner that actually shows up made by the FANtastic iris!


Notes:
This will switch between Edward's thoughts and Bella's. Disclaimer: I own nothing.


12. Sadist

Rating 4.5/5   Word Count 632   Review this Chapter

He has betrayed me. He has, by letting me live, proved that he never loved me. That is far worse than the venom. That is why I scream.

And scream.

This final lie burns worse than the fire.

But still, it is not nearly as bad as when he first left me. Not nearly as bad. That is what gets me through the painful days, I believe. Remembering the worse pain, soothing myself with this anesthetic. It is not as bad. Despite the sting of the betrayal and the physical agony, he is here.

I have no idea why he is staying. He has proven he never loves me. Why does he bother wasting his time here? Watching me scream can’t be that interesting. What’s the point of this?

Sick, masochistic lion. Maybe the second part was a total lie. Maybe he’s a sadist. Is that why he’s sitting here, coolly observing my pain?

I try to open my eyes to see the expression on his face, but the pain has made me hideously weary. I can’t possibly do anything but lie here and weep.

I begin to sob, and I feel cautious cold hands on my burning skin. I hear his perfect voice.

“Bella. Oh, Bella, I’m so sorry. I’ve made another mistake, haven’t I? Done something wrong. Thrown away the only thing that will ever matter to me. Bella, I love you. I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I just couldn’t. Couldn’t face forever without you. I love you. I love you so much. Why can’t I make you trust me? No, I know the answer to that. I don’t deserve your trust. I love you. But I keep betraying you. Why is that? Why can’t I get back to the way it was before I left you? Is that mistake going to torture me forever? I can’t do it. I can’t live without you, Bella. I know you think I did this because… well, I don’t know what you think, but I bet you don’t believe it’s the true reason. I changed you because I am in love with you. Bella, please forgive me. Please.”

What if he’s not lying? Maybe it does make more sense than that he’d defy all those years of resisting human blood, of trying to be good, just to torment one insignificant human.

Makes more sense than him loving me?

Ridiculous. That makes the least sense out of anything ever. Why would he love me? Why would he care? He must just enjoy my suffering, that’s all. Makes more sense than him loving me.

Why would he think twice about me?

The only reason I ever doubted his indifference is laughably obvious now. My mind’s barrier is dulled by the physical pain, leaving me open to the infinitely worse kind that will result from him leaving yet again.

I wonder how on Earth I’m going to suffer through eternity. Maybe I can convince him to stay. Maybe I’ll be beautiful as a vampire, beautiful enough that he’ll look twice at me. Maybe he really did love me, he just got bored. How understandable. Maybe once I’m as perfect as he is, he’ll stay.

But I can’t believe that. What draw could even a physically perfected me hold for him? Because he’ll still be intelligent and charismatic and good. I cannot, no matter what further epiphanies occur, see him as anything but the brightest sun of my life. I will always, always love him. Even if all he wants is to see me suffer for some inexplicable reason, I will welcome the pain.

It brings the greatest gift of all.

It brings him happiness.

Sadist.