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Nightmare Angel

Summary:
Edward looks through Bella's window. He has been gone for six months, two weeks, a day, and five hours. He knows every minute because it hurts so much. All he wanted to do was see her one more time. What happens when he learns what he has done to the only one he will ever love? Image Hosted by ImageShack.us banner that actually shows up made by the FANtastic iris!


Notes:
This will switch between Edward's thoughts and Bella's. Disclaimer: I own nothing.


13. Murderer

Rating 5/5   Word Count 551   Review this Chapter

The guilt overwhelms. Four days of agony. It takes a very long time for Bella to turn. My transformation was only three days long.

I scream as she screams, I weep as she weeps.

Because she is being hurt.

And because I know she will never forgive me.

She cannot. I am unforgivable. She gave me a chance I didn’t deserve, and I betrayed it. I betrayed her, I broke her heart again. I do not deserve to breathe. I do not deserve to be in her presence, but she screams if I try to leave.

Maybe she will allow me to stay. If she does not hate me… ridiculous. Why wouldn’t she hate me? What have I done to deserve more than her utmost loathing?

Once I had her love and I discarded it like so much trash. Why?

Because I feared that this would someday happen, that I would change her and she would hate me.

I love you, Bella. Only living without your love has made me realize just how true that is. I love you, Bella. I love you.

I wonder what I can do to earn her forgiveness. For everything. I know I will never receive my own, yet my Bella is so good and kind, so forgiving and full of love that I hope I may someday be forgiven. I know she will never trust me again, but maybe I will be allowed to stay near her.

My half-hopeful musings are interrupted by the stealthy entrance of Carlisle.

“Good to see you, Edward.” My poor Edward. Oh, if only there was something I could do…

“Hello, Carlisle.”

“You’re changing Bella.” Alice saw the whole thing. I’m not sure what I think…

“Yes.” My eyes close without a conscious signal. The guilt again overwhelms.

“You can’t live without her.”

“I can’t expect her forgiveness, not after everything I’ve done.”

He smiles without humor. “Yes, you can. Love does incredible things, Edward, and Bella loves you. That I do know. Now, Bella’s going to be able to hear us soon. I’m here to talk to her myself. Would you like to stay?”

“I’d like to be as close to her as I can every minute of every day.”

“All right. Alice, Esme, and Emmett are coming too. Bella may be angry.”

“She has every right to be.”

“I know.”

The words hurt, but I deserve it. I deserve every pain of every minute. I deserve it all. I will deserve it so well when Bella tells me to get away from her, that she never wants to see my face again. But she said she loved me…

That was before you slew that love.

My father and I watch her in silence as the screams grow less and less frequent. Though none is voiced, I can hear the disappointment in Carlisle’s thoughts. I wish he didn’t hate himself. My son is a good man.

Carlisle is wrong. I am not good. I am the very opposite.

I have taken her trust and killed it. I have destroyed her heart and her life and most likely her soul.

Murderer.