Edward looks through Bella's window. He has been gone for six months, two weeks, a day, and five hours. He knows every minute because it hurts so much. All he wanted to do was see her one more time. What happens when he learns what he has done to the only one he will ever love? banner that actually shows up made by the FANtastic iris!
This will switch between Edward's thoughts and Bella's. Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Rating 4/5 Word Count 555 Review this Chapter
He said he’d leave me alone-- like he said he loved me.
He said I’d never have to see his damnably perfect face again—like he said he loved me.
He said he’d give me a clean break—like he said he loved me.
He said I was human, I’d get over him—like he said he loved me.
He doesn’t love me. He never loved me. If he loved me, how could he do this to me?
I am in so much pain. Every movement hurts. It is unbelievable. Utterly incomprehensible, how much I hurt. I cannot describe the ache. My stomach throbs, my throat contracts, and I feel so hollow. I am missing. He is missing.
I NEED him. He has no right to leave me. No right to lie to me. No right in the world to give me every reason to hate him and yet still, even in tainted memory, gleam with such ideal beauty, interior and exterior, that I cannot help but worship in humbled awe.
And yet even unattainable as he is, I can, I must, go beyond worship. I love him. I should not love him. I am so far from his equal…
And he does not love me. That he has proved. He is not content to leave me broken here. He must torment my dreams also. It’s worse than that same nightmare, seeing his face. Hearing his lies. “I love you.”
It was all a lie. He never loved me. What right does his gorgeous doppleganger have to invade my tortured dreams, to promise me things he will never deliver?
And even in these most forbidden thoughts, sure to bring pain, even in my mind I cannot say the name. He is beyond my reach, even in dreams. Even in dreams he won’t stay.
Because I’m not good enough.
Could anything be more obvious? Why would he—in all his bewildering perfection—want to be with someone as blindingly normal as me?
He said I was special, that I didn’t know my own strengths.
If I’m so strong, why did he leave me?
I’m special, just like he loves me.
The better question is, why do I need him if I can never deserve to have him?
Why did he say he loved me?
Didn’t he know how much it would hurt?
I am in pain, in so much pain. Like my soul is being ripped to pieces, like I am empty. He took what made me real. I was a person before I met him. I was more while he said he loved me. Now I am a shadow.
He never loved me.
The lies didn’t hurt. But, oh God, the truth hurts. So much. It wouldn’t hurt if I had never been deceived.
He is not content with one deception. He must return to falsify my dreams. He never loved me. He said it a hundred times, and it was never true.
He loves me?
He loved me?
He can say it over and over in inescapable dreams, but it will never be true.
I have every reason, but as I kneel here on the floor, supplicating my personal god, I cannot hate him.
Because he is beautiful, and good, and true, to all but me.
And because he once said he loved me.
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