Edward looks through Bella's window. He has been gone for six months, two weeks, a day, and five hours. He knows every minute because it hurts so much. All he wanted to do was see her one more time. What happens when he learns what he has done to the only one he will ever love? banner that actually shows up made by the FANtastic iris!
This will switch between Edward's thoughts and Bella's. Disclaimer: I own nothing.
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I am so alone. Why did he have to go? Why did he have to return and leave again?
Why does he even bother tormenting me? I am less than nothing. I am so low that he shouldn’t think of me twice. He is everything and I am nothing. Less. He should be happy. Why isn’t he?
He’s trying to make me believe him, isn’t he. He knows what effect everything he does will have. He is too intelligent to do otherwise. He is manipulating me.
I never would have suspected he could be so cruel. Then again, I never would have suspected he would leave me. I did, I knew I wasn’t good enough, but I couldn’t help but believe anything whispered in that velvet voice.
I’m waiting for him, now. That’s all there is left of my life. I know he won’t come back. It isn’t like I have a guarantee. “Your true love will come back, better than ever, in six days, or your agony back!!”
He’s doing this on purpose. To hurt me. And it’s working. I wouldn’t have thought such obvious cruelty lay behind that perfect face. Can I even believe it of him? All the evidence seems to point toward this path that would leave me no choice but to hate him…
But I love him. I always will. He cannot help that, with any amount of indifference or even the spite now evidencing itself. There is nothing I can do. He knows that, and he uses it.
Why is he doing this? Why does he bother? Why does he care enough to trick me?
He is trying to talk me into trusting him. It won’t work, angel. You can’t fool me. I know I am unloved and unloveable. So you can just stop wasting your infinitely valuable time, beloved one. I won’t fall for it, no matter how much velvet you case the lies in.
I know how normal I am, and how sublime you are. Don’t keep trying, love. Don’t bother.
Why can’t I stop waiting? Why can’t I move on? Oh, why? Why why why why why why why!!! Why can’t I be good enough for him to come back, for him to care? Why are my dreams torturing me too? Oh, why!
Maybe that’s why. He’s trying to make me hate him so he won’t feel bad about having left me. That’s it. Oh, angel, have no guilt. I never deserved you. No need to worry about taking that blessing from me. No need to have guilt. No one could ever deserve you.
Stop coming here? Is that what I want? Part of me would give up your lying beauty to assuage the pain, but I don’t think the larger one would. I think that just to see you, to hear you whisper that you love me, I think that would be enough. No matter how much it hurts. So come back to my window. Say whatever lies you want. I will take them.
That is how deeply I am under your control.
You have truly woven your spell well.
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