Bella wants her life back and will do anything to get it back- including tracking down Edward. But what will she encounter on her desperate quest for her life? UPDATE- I will be redoing this story. I had forgotten that the story wasn't finished on here.
Thanks so much to my beta-reader, Lishwish!!!
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Three months ago my love left me. I was a zombie, a numb zombie. I was the shell of the girl who fell hopelessly into love. I wasn’t going to put up with it anymore. It was a living nightmare, my life. I couldn't stand it anymore. So I wasn't going to.
“Maybe you should go to Jacksonville, Bella.” Charlie suggested one morning in January. I wasn’t really aware that we were having a conversation. I normally just tuned everyone out.
I had been thinking of a way to get away from myself, this zombie. The only way that was going to happen was to get him-wince-back. He didn’t want me anymore. Well, maybe he didn’t want a plain old human like me. That’s when inspiration hit.
I looked up, “Maybe that’s a good idea, but will you be alright?” I asked Charlie, trying to make my voice less flat.
“I lived for seventeen years before you came to live with me, I’ll be alright.” Charlie answered.
“When should I leave?”
“I can get you a ticket today. You can leave tomorrow, since today is Friday.”
“I don’t have school today, a teacher conference, so I’ll start packing.”
“I’ll miss you, Bells.”
“Me too.” With one simple conversation, I could get to where I need to be, Denali.
I walked up to my room to pack; it didn’t take me very long, because I didn’t have much stuff. As I was going to get my green duffle bag from under my bed, I noticed that there was a floorboard by my bed that was slightly up; I could see something under it. I lifted it up and gasped. Everything that he had taken was there, along with a series of letters. My heart speeded up, something it hadn’t done in quite awhile. I lifted up the pack of letters with shaking hands and let them fall. I picked the one up that had a vaguely familiar handwriting on it.
I write you this to tell you how very sorry we are for leaving you. We didn’t wish to leave you, but Edward convinced us that it was best. He was extremely saddened at the prospect of leaving you. We all still love you,
I made myself not feel, not to let myself fall into the trap of thinking that someone actually cared, that he cared. If I even so much as consider the thought, a huge amount of agony would engulf me.
The next letter had handwriting that I didn’t recognize at all.
I’m very sorry about what I almost did to you, that I am the reason we are leaving you. I wish I had a better handle on my instincts. Edward is absolutely miserable, he misses you and so does everyone else. Even Emmett isn’t his usual boisterous self, Carlisle isn’t smiling, and Alice is cheerless. I hope that you get a chance to read these letters, even though it’s unlikely.
I was touched; Jasper hadn’t had much to do with me since last spring. Since the whole thing with James. I wondered if he was actually sad about leaving me. I doubted it.
The next letter had a handwriting I could recognize easily.
I hope you will forgive us for leaving you, I can see what was going to happen to you, how leaving you would affect you. I used that to try and persuade Edward to change his mind. He still loves you, deeply so. I can also see that our family will suffer greatly at this departure. If you ever need any help, just decide to come to Denali; I’ll come, even though Edward would kill me.
I could use the help, maybe Alice would come and help me, and I had decided to go to Denali. I tried to squash the part of me that wanted to take all of Alice’s words to heart, even though he had said that he didn’t love me anymore. But it was strong, too strong for my well-being.
There was one letter left, the handwriting on it was amazingly familiar, it was his script. It read:
I wish to say that if you ever read this, even though it is unlikely, that I still love you with all of my heart, no matter what I said to you in the forest on that blackest of days. I am still marveling at how quickly you believed me. It was excruciatingly painful. How could you doubt me so? After the one thousand times I have told you ‘I love you’? You may still not believe me now, but I hope you will.
He had said he had loved me, how strange. I didn’t believe him, couldn’t believe him. He didn’t want me. I was a mere human.
“Whatever you’re thinking, you’re wrong,” said a high-pitched, silvery voice.
I turned to see who it was.
“Alice? Is that you?” I was stunned that she was actually here.
“I said if you ever decided to go to Denali, I would help.” I hadn't really thought that she would come and help me.
“Oh, Alice, I’m so glad to see you, I missed you so much.” I threw myself at her; it felt like running headlong into a brick wall.
“I’ve missed you too, Bella.”
I was sobbing, I couldn’t believe my luck at Alice being here. She patted my back soothingly.
After I had quieted, we started talking. We talked about my plan to be turned. We had concluded that Alice should probably do it, and if Jasper would, restrain her if needed. After awhile she got to the subject of myself.
“How have you been, Bella?” Alice asked.
“How do you think I’ve been?”
“Sorry, that was a idiotic question. You do seem better than you did that first week.”
“Sure, my eyes were finally opened this morning, I’ve been like a zombie. So to speak.”
“I tried to convince him, but he didn’t listen.” Alice sighed.
“Thanks for trying, Alice.”
“You’re welcome. So, what were you thinking when I announced my presence?”
“Well, I had just read your letter and I hoped that you were actually going to be able to help me and I was thinking that you couldn’t be right about him.”
“Bella, Bella, how can you think like that?”
“He said that he didn’t want me.”
“And you believed him! For a fairly intuitive person, you can miss so many things.”
I ignored her last comment and continued, “Will you help me, Alice?”
“Of course I will, it maybe the only way to get him back, to everyone.”
“What do you mean? Isn’t he with the rest of the family?”
“No, everyone is scattered, Jasper and I are in Denali, Carlisle and Esme are in upstate New York, and Emmett and Rosalie are in Africa on a safari.”
“We haven’t been the happiest family since…”
I cut her off, “Oh, I should have known that, Jasper wrote that.”
“Yes, I do recall Jasper’s letter saying something to that effect.”
* * *
The next morning I was ready to go and Alice had devised a plan to tie up all of my loose ends. We were going to have to stage my death. I had said good-bye to Charlie and was driving in my truck with Alice.
“So where do you want me to stop?” I asked Alice.
“Right here, I’ll push your truck into the river, where it is deep enough that they won’t try and find a body.”
I cringed, this was going to hurt Charlie and Renee so much, but if I wanted to survive it was necessary.
I got out of the truck and Alice proceeded to push it into the river.
“Does anyone else know that you’re helping me?”
“No, not even Jasper.”
“Where does he think you are doing?”
“He thinks I’m on a extended shopping trip in New York City.”
“I can see why he didn’t come with you.”
“Ha, ha.” Alice replied, the sarcasm dripping from each word.
Alice drove to the Seattle airport. We had to rush to our flight to Denali. It was a short trip, about the same as going from Phoenix to Seattle. Alice and I discussed how to find Edward after I was a vampire. I honestly couldn’t wait to be one, even though the pain was going to be horrible. But the pain of him leaving me had to be greater. Nothing could ever compare to that, not even the most painful memory that every vampire (with the exception of Alice) remembered. I had had a taste of the pain last spring break.
We arrived at the house where Alice and Jasper had been living. It was beautiful, a cabin style. Jasper came bounding out of the house and grabbed Alice in a hug before he noticed me.
“What are you doing here?”
“I decided to take Alice up on her offer.”
“What offer?” Jasper asked, his eyes on Alice.
“In the letter I wrote to Bella, I said ‘If you ever need any help, just decide to come to Denali’ and she did. Bella has been like a zombie after we left, I could see what was going to happen to her. I was going to have to intervene soon, those visions weren’t pleasant.”
“What do you mean ‘intervene’ exactly?”
“Turn her.” Alice answered simply.
“How will that solve anything?”
I answered him, “When everyone left, I was a zombie, surviving, but not living. I existed on a day-to-day schedule. The pain of what Edward said to me did that.”
“What in the world could he have said to cause that?”
“He said that he didn’t want me.” I almost broke down right there, but Jasper sent calming waves to me.
“He said that! How could he say that? It broke our family up!”
“So, the only way Edward is going to accept me is if I’m a vampire.” I said.
It didn’t take too much time to convince Jasper that it was best. Alice was going to go hunt so she would be strong enough to change me.
Jasper noticed when Alice was gone how much I had been affected. I was stifling my emotions so I wouldn’t feel any pain. I was locking my feelings up, like I had a hard shell around myself. The time that Alice was gone was terrible, but I somehow wrapped myself in my numbness.
I would be changed as soon as Alice got back. She would get back in an hour or so. In the meantime, I asked Jasper about what life as a newborn vampire was like. Appartently a newborn vampire was usually wild and bloodthirsty. Jasper told me his story of his, for lack of a better word, childhood as a vampire. I could see how Jasper could have problems as a vegatarian vampire after that upbringing.
Once Alice got back I felt instantly better, my hard shell falling away. She led me to a guest room where I lied down on the bed, she crouched over me, her teeth just an inch away from my jugular.
“Are you sure about this Bella?” Alice asked me.
“As sure as I’ll ever be, I want him back, Alice. If this is the only way to not be a zombie, then so be it.” I answered, my voice rang with finality.
“Alright, Jasper will restrain me if necessary.” She sighed.
“I trust you, Alice.”
And with that, she bit down on my neck, and the fire began.