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Rosalie vs. Lauren: The Epic Battle of the Blondes

http://i129.photobucket.com/albums/p220/GinnyGirl333/BannerForNess-1.jpg From the moment they first laid eyes on each other, it was war. Both proud, both pretty, and both demanding dominance in the same tiny high school, it was inevitable that they would eventually clash. The thing is, no one expected it to be so vicious.Please Read and Review!!! :D

Alrighty guys, this is my first multi-chaptered fan-fiction story ever submitted under the heading 'Twilight.' I hope you guys like it! It is shallow and ditzy and stupid-seeming, but hey, that's comedy right? lol, read and review por favor!

1. And So It Begins . . .

Rating 5/5   Word Count 2787   Review this Chapter

And So It Begins . . .

Lauren Mallory:

“Oh I know Jess, I am so excited,” I rolled my eyes as I spoke into my Motorola, “Forks High School won’t know what hit ‘em.”

Jessica Stanley’s voice sounded especially high-pitched and annoying over the phone, “And think of the boys! They’ll definitely be drooling over us.”

“Of course,” I casually flicked a piece of lint off my hot pink, pajama boy shorts, secretly thinking that the day a boy drooled over Jessica would be the day spandex was back in style, “they adored us in middle school, but now we’re hotter and better than ever.”

“And I’ve finally got boobs,” Jessica’s voice was smug, “that can’t hurt.”

“Uh-huh,” I blew a strand of blonde hair out of my face, bored.

There was a pause, and then Jessica gushed, “So what are you wearing tomorrow?”

I lied in a bored tone, knowing that if I told her my real outfit she’d copy it, “Jean miniskirt, pink blouse, white flip flops. Hair down with white headband.”

“Oh my god, that is so cute,” she squealed, “wanna hear what I’m wearing?”

I debated whether or not to humor her, or lie and hang up. After a few seconds, I chose the latter, “Sorry Jess, but my Dad needs me. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Okay,” she sounded happy, “and then tomorrow we’re finally High Schoolers!”

“Yay,” I fake-cheered, “see ya.”

“Bye – “

I hung up before she could say anything else.

I stood up and tossed my sparkling pink phone on the bed covers. As I stretched, I caught my reflection in the huge mirror that dominated the Southern wall. My white baby tee was riding up, revealing my flat, tan stomach and the belly ring that twinkled naughtily near my navel. My silken hair cascaded downwards, almost reaching the middle of my back. The pink boy shorts I wore fitted perfectly around my long, smooth legs. I winked at my reflection; I was so hot.

I had always been this way, ever since kindergarten people had been noticing my beauty. In this tiny town it was especially noticeable, considering no other girls could even come close to matching me. Jessica wasn’t ugly, but she sure as hell wasn’t pretty. Her hair looked like it had been electrocuted, and she definitely could lose a few pounds. She was only my friend because, frankly, everyone else was even worse.

In my opinion, I had gotten even better looking this summer. I had used my savings to get a spray tan, (which no one was allowed to know about,) my belly piercing, and I had finally bought high-quality make up in Seattle. My mom had taken me on a birthday shopping spree, so I was all set with (knock off) designer clothes. Overall, I couldn’t see anything that could really threaten my popularity. I would dominate this High School, and quickly ditch Jessica as soon as I was accepted amongst the seniors. It shouldn’t take too much because they were ugly too.

I sighed and wandered over to my closet, abandoning my reflection. I reached for my ‘back to school outfit,’ as I had so dubbed it the second I had seen it in that cute little shop in Seattle. It consisted of a long-sleeved, navy blue shirt that had a big white ‘L’ stamped on the chest, white short-shorts, and navy blue and white polka-dotted wedge flip-flops. It was cute, it was revealing, and it would increase my height by about four inches. What more could a girl ask for?

I arranged the outfit on my desk, making sure it lay flat so that no wrinkles would develop overnight. Tomorrow was going to be absolutely perfect. I would make sure of it. Wrinkles, or Jessica, or even the damn rain would not mar my debut into high school – and if anything dared get in the way, there would be hell to pay.


“Goodbye Mom!” I rolled my eyes, and slammed the car door shut. She had been going on about ‘first steps’ and ‘her baby growing up’ for forever. It had taken me ten minutes simply to escape the car, which was downright ridiculous.

I turned towards the school, sliding my knockoff sunglasses down over my eyes and surveying the little campus. It was small – that much was obvious – but it would be my domain for the next four years. These people, from freshmen to seniors, would accept me. I was sure of it.

Most everyone was already there, thanks to my Mom’s obsessive high school speech. I caught a few guys already looking at me, and smiled. This would be so easy.

“Lauren! Oh my god, Lauren!” Jessica shrieked from somewhere by the picnic tables. I ignored her.

“Lauren!” She panted, running up to me, “Lauren, guess what?”

Rolling my eyes behind my sunglasses, I turned and looked her up and down. She was wearing, shockingly enough, a jean miniskirt, pink blouse, white flip-flops, and had a white headband stuck haphazardly on her curly hair. I bit back a laugh and said coolly, “What?”

She took a deep breath, and then began talking so rapidly it was hard to understand, “Okay, so I talked to Mike and he said that there were new people this year, like, from out of town. They came in a really nice car and they were all like, I don’t know, so gorgeous or whatever that he couldn’t get over it. He was still drooling over the blonde girl by the time I talked to him, and they’ve been here for a while. Tyler was the same way, all over this blonde girl. I haven’t seen them yet though, but I’m so excited. Apparently the three boys are to die for!”

I held up a hand to silence her, a hint of self-doubt worming its way into my confidence, “Slower.”

Jessica huffed, and then spoke extra slowly, “There are new people from out-of-town. They’re really, really hot. They’re really, really rich. Mike and Tyler are in love with the blonde girl. The guys are supposedly really, really, really hot!” Against her will, her voice squealed at the last word.

“Where are they?” I looked up, scanning the campus for these new people. They had better not be hotter than me.

“Don’t even bother, they’re inside,” she saw me searching for them with my eyes, “but you’ll probably see them at lunch. Or maybe, if you’re lucky enough, one of them guys will be in your class. They’re to die for.”

I cheered up slightly at the idea of guys hotter than those Forks already had to offer. It would certainly be refreshing to have nice-looking guys that you hadn’t known since diapers. Mike and Tyler got so annoying sometimes.

I wanted a little more information from Jessica before I ditched her for the rest of the morning, “How many are there, again?”

“Thee guys and two girls,” she sighed dreamily, “guys that could easily be Abercrombie models.”

Abercrombie models? Even Jessica knew better than to chalk up some freshmen and sophomore guys to the hottest people on the planet. I sighed, disappointed. They obviously weren’t that great after all.


“There’s the bell!” Jessica squealed, pointing out the obvious, “you ready for your first High School class, Lauren?”

I adjusted my sunglasses, “Are you kidding me? I’m more than ready.”

And at that, I strutted through the front doors of Forks High School; prepared to dump these new people back to whatever Alaskan village they came from.


By my third class of the day, I knew high school would be a snap. The classes were easy enough, the teachers’ complete pushovers, and the current ‘popular’ group uglier than a band of baboons. I chatted to as many people as I could, bent over for ‘dropped’ pencils as often as possible whenever Mike or Tyler were in the room, and made it clear I was not a Freshman the other girls could intimidate. Overall, a successful morning in my opinion.

I was just settling into my desk for Spanish, (back of the room, dead center. Perfect for observing all other idiots in the room,) when she walked in.

My confidence melted away faster than snow in July.

She walked – no, danced – up to the teacher, her adorable purple skirt floating around her. She carried her school things in a Coach bag, (the real thing,) and had the prettiest laugh I’d ever heard. By the time she sat in the desk two up and one row over from me, I knew that she would be the one person who was actually above me. Alice Cullen.

Technically, her body type and features would not be called ‘pretty’ by most people. She was tiny and thin to the point of being anorexic, with toothpick-like arms and legs. Her hair was short and spiky, and her skin was freakishly pale. Her eyes were a weird yellow shade, and surrounded by black shadows that would make anyone else look hideous. But on her, somehow, it worked.

She was more beautiful than any model I’d ever seen in the millions of magazines I had subscriptions to.

There was just something about her. Her hair was edgy, her clothes designer and preppy, and her body-type that of a gymnast. Her face was lit up, brightened by the whitest smile probably in the whole state of Washington. Confidence radiated from her tiny frame, suffocating me to the point of depression.

I’d been beat out for prettiest girl in the school.

The rest of my Spanish class was spent first sitting in complete and utter despair while Alice made taking notes look like art, and then plotting ways to overcome this obstacle and regain my confidence. I decided, while Alice’s black leather boots swung a good few inches off the floor, that it didn’t matter that she was better than me. I had known these people since preschool. I had the experience when she didn’t.

When the bell rang I stood up with even more confidence then before. Alice Cullen wouldn’t hinder my rise through High School. In fact, if I made friends with her, she may even help.


The cafeteria scene at Forks High School was not the glamorous event I had imagined it to be. People hunched over in rain coats sat at orange plastic tables on the ugly linoleum floor, all of their faces looking especially pale due to the hideous lighting. It was not a pretty picture.

Nevertheless, I strutted in there like I owned the place. It was, after all, what I had come in there to do.

While I waited in line to grab my simple, non-embarrassing salad, I scanned the cafeteria in order to find a place to sit. My eyes quickly landed on the empty seat in between Tyler and Mike, and I felt a small smile grow on my face. Perfect. I grabbed my food and made my way over to them.

“Hey boys, you mind if I sit here?” I asked cheerfully, plastering a white smile on my face as soon as I reached them.

“Sure, Lauren,” Tyler moved his sack lunch from the table, “Mike would love you too.”

“Shut up!” Mike snapped, but moved noticeably closer to me when I sat down. I hid a smile, but quickly frowned when I saw Jessica’s curls bouncing my way.

“Sorry I’m late guys, that English teacher’s a total witch,” Jessica panted as she slid into the seat across from me, “she was saying something about grade requirements for forever.”

I looked away in annoyance as Mike and Tyler both said something sympathetic. Why were they paying attention to her when they had a hot blonde sitting right next to them?

“Hey Lauren, did you see any of the Cullens or Hales yet?” Tyler turned towards me; his hazel eyes barely four inches away from mine.

I tried to act nonchalant about sitting so close to him, “Just Alice Cullen. She was okay, I guess.”

His eyes, though staring intently at me for a moment, suddenly focused on something over my shoulder. I repressed the urge to huff with irritation, and spoke sharply, “How about you? Seen any of them since this morning?”

“Uh-huh,” he mumbled, not hearing a word I was saying. On my other side, I noticed Mike suddenly stiffen.

“What the hell?” I glared at Tyler, “hello? Earth to Tyler?”

“Shh, Lauren,” he spoke absentmindedly, still looking over my shoulder. Almost growling, I whipped around to see what he was staring at.

And instantly regretted it.

Why did these things have to happen to me?

It simply wasn’t fair that an unbelievably hot, unbelievably beautiful, unbelievably thin blonde girl had to come to this school the same year I did. It just wasn’t fair.

I didn’t deserve this. I was supposed to be the elite. Now, I would have to fight for it.

And, judging by the legs, and boobs of this girl, I’d probably lose. The girls with the curves and unnaturally thin waists always win.

She was standing in the middle of the cafeteria, her long golden hair curling gently and easily in a way that mine could never do. She was wearing a designer baby-tee and a skin-tight pair of dark jeans, topped off with gold stilettos. Her eyes were bored as she scanned the cafeteria, her perfect red lips pursed with annoyance at the situation. One hand was on her hip, glistening with gold bangles. She was positively screaming stylish n’ hot.

I watched as she began to make her way over to a table in the corner, her walk like that of a perfect runway models. Graceful and fierce, yet undeniably sexy. Why couldn’t I look like that?

And then, in a movement that made Mike gasp, she bent over to pick up her ‘accidentally’ dropped purse.

Great, she had an ass too.

Once she was done ruining my life, she sat at a table with two guys. I didn’t pay any attention to them, my eyes were on her. Perfect, beautiful, life-wrecker . . . bitch.

“Rosalie Hale . . .” Tyler’s voice was far away as he stared at her.

“Edward Cullen,” Jessica sighed, her eyes wistful.

“Rosalie Hale,” Mike agreed with Tyler dreamily.

“Ugg,” I snapped, turning back around to look at the table. Rosalie? What kind of name was that? My great grandmother was named Rosalie!

She was talking, one hand twirling her hair flirtatiously, to a sexy golden-haired boy. He was, quite possibly, the most gorgeous boy I had ever seen. His hair was messily in his eyes, his body thin and muscular. I knew that if I weren’t in a crowded cafeteria, I’d probably be drooling.

The boy next to him was redheaded and very thin, not at all my type. He was too small looking, and appeared utterly bored with life. The guy beside him though, with the blonde hair, was certainly one to look at . . .

I sighed, both with complete and utter hatred for Rosalie Hale, and worship of the blonde one. He was dreamy.

A huge, muscular, hot, football-ish looking guy came up to their table and draped an arm around Rosalie. She smirked and cuddled into him, still talking to the blonde guy who I had officially claimed. She had a boyfriend too? What more could possibly go wrong?

My status was threatened.

I was only the third prettiest girl in school.

My outfit was nothing compared to Rosalie’s and Alice’s.

Tyler and Mike liked her better than me.

Well, at least I had sexy blonde guy to look forward too. He’d fall for me, no doubt about it. After all, Rosalie was taken, and I was single and gorgeous. There was no possible way he could refuse someone like myself.

Out of nowhere, Alice Cullen jumped, giggling, into my guy’s lap. His face lit up and his arms wrapped around her, holding her close and lovingly. She kissed his neck, and then turned towards Rosalie with a brilliant smile.

Could my life seriously get any worse?!