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Sometimes, I Just Go For It.

Summary:
Possibilities for Breaking Dawn Bella and Edward's wedding, Bella's transformation, how Bella deals with her change, etc. CHAPTER THREE IN VALIDATION


Notes:
All the chapter titles are titles of songs. The actual song may not fit into the mood of the chapter, but I choose the chapter titles from the song titles, not the song itself... if that makes any sense whatsoever.


2. Scar Tissue

Rating 5/5   Word Count 2058   Review this Chapter

Bella’s POV:

“What!? My wedding? Ruined?” I nearly shrieked. Why, now that I had finally become accustomed to the idea of getting married, was my wedding going to be ruined? What could Alice have possibly seen that could ruin the whole wedding? “What did you see? The Volturi?” Edward just smirked, already knowing what Alice had seen.

“No. Worse. Way worse,” She said gravely. What could be worse than the Volturi? Was there some other mythical creature that I did not know about stalking me?

“ Alice. What did you see?” As frantic as I seemed, I wasn’t too concerned. I glanced at Edward. He didn’t seem to be uneasy. A squeeze on my hand told me to be patient.

“Rain. Lots and lots of rain. Enough rain that we might have to hold the ceremony on the arc we’re building!” Alice wailed.

Rain. That was her primary concern?

“ Alice, why is that such a big deal? I thought we had agreed to do an indoor wedding on the off chance of a sunny day,” I wondered aloud. We had decided that, had we not?

“Bella! I wanted to surprise you with a beach wedding. But now with the rain, huge wind gusts, and rip currents, we can’t!”

“Surprise? But Alice, you know how much I hate surprises!”

“I know, but I really wanted you to have a great wedding and now because of my stupid idea everything is ruined.” She looked like she was about to cry. Her flawless features were overcome with grief.

“Aw, Alice. It’s not that bad. The original idea is still good, right? We can just have it here, like we said before.” I wasn’t too put off by this idea. I was eager to finally be married to the most perfect man ever, but I still didn’t want a huge ceremony. Having it at home (that’s truly what the Cullen household had become to me) would make it seem like less of a big deal.

Unexpectedly, Alice’s face went blank. Seconds later, there was excitement in her features. “Edward! That’s a great idea! I have so many plans to change.” With that she gave me a peck on the cheek and started into the house. She didn’t make it far before Edward grabbed her arm.

“What exactly is such a great idea? I haven’t thought of any solutions to the problem yet.” He looked puzzled.

“But you will. And it truly is a great idea, Edward,” Alice said. By now Edward was scanning through his mind. His face brightened.

“Of course! The baseball field. The mountains on either side will protect us from the approaching storm. I thought of that as a possible location before you forced me into the beach idea.” He looked very pleased with himself. Then his expression turned tense. His eyes widened, and he realized what he’d done.

“Now that you’ve thought of it, can I please leave? I have a lot to do to make this the most fantastic wedding Forks has ever seen.” Edward released his hold on her and she danced into the house to start the first, of what I could only assume would be hundreds, of phone calls arranging wedding details.

Edward turned to me and took a deep breath. “Bella I-”

“So you knew about this surprise? Why can’t you get it out of your head that I don’t like them? You always let her talk you into surprising me. Nothing good ever comes from surprising me, and you know it,” I said, livid. I was mad. He knew how I felt about being surprised, and it was my wedding. Shouldn’t I have a say in the matter? He looked taken aback at the anger surfacing in my voice.

“Bella, honey, Alice had a vision that you would love it. We just wanted you to have a great time,” he said. I could tell he was gazing deeply into my eyes. I was staring at the ground, avoiding his face. I knew as soon as I looked at him, I would lose my train of thought. And that’s just what he was hoping for.

“If she knew I would love it, then why didn’t she just tell me? It’s not like I wouldn’t have agreed. I gave her full reign over the wedding. I cannot change what Alice plans to do.” I was still staring at the ground. I saw his feet moving towards me. Suddenly, his lips were at my ear and his arms wrapped around my waist.

“I’m very sorry, love. Please forgive me.”

Then he was kissing me. I felt myself being pressed against the house. That was different. Usually Edward was more careful, more guarded, while kissing me. I felt the passion permeating from his lips. I pulled him closer against me and ran my hands along the length of his back. One of his hands was cupping my face and the other passed along my body, feeling each and every curve. He broke the kiss, and instead his lips were moved to the hollow under my ear and neck. I felt his nose skimming along my jaw. My knees buckled. Edward’s arms circled around my waist to support me. I opened my eyes and stared into the topaz ones that had become my favorite. I was sitting in one of the chairs on the front porch.

“I think you forgot to breathe again,” he whispered softly.

“I think you’re right.”

“So am I forgiven?” Edward spoke, his eyes alive with excitement.

“I think I forgot about that, too,” I said, not able to be angry with myself for forgetting the argument. He had more than apologized with that kiss.

Edward smiled my favorite crooked smile and offered me his hand. I took it and he pulled me to my feet. We walked into the house, unsure of what would behold us there.

***

Three hours later, around noon, I was exhausted. Alice handled the caterers, the limo company, and all the other places that needed to know of the change of location. I, on the other hand, had to call every one on the guest list to tell them. By the time I had finished explaining the move and where it was moving to EVERY person, I was ready to crawl back to bed.

Edward, Emmet, and Jasper had been sent to the field to make a road that was easier to navigate on for all the guests. Instead of the bumpy trail that it had been before, they were given explicit orders to make it as flat as they could. I was sure they’d be back soon enough.

Since Alice was busy for the moment, I decided to take the opportunity to head up to Edward’s room. She hadn’t given me any more orders yet, and she was less likely to if I was out of her line of vision. As fast - and as quietly - as I could go without falling, I made my way up the two flights of stairs that led to the third floor and the room that, briefly, Edward and I would share.

Edward’s was the kind of room that had I not known was his, I would have associated with him anyway. The gold everywhere made me think of his eyes, and the endless piles of CDs reminded me of the music he’d played for me. The huge window at the back of the room let in the shining sunlight, sending rainbows sprawling over the room. Edward’s skin did this, too, when he was in the sun. I walked over to the gigantic bed and plopped down on it. There was no way I would be able to do much more today without resting for a bit. Sleeping often brought sweet dreams of Edward, and they were much more welcome than being conscious without him.

As I snuggled down into the golden comforter, I raised my hands back behind my head. I heard the jingle of charms on my bracelet against the wrought iron of the headboard. Glancing up at the bracelet, I saw the diamond Edward had given me throwing rainbows onto the sheets. Immediately across from it, however, was the wolf Jake had carved for me. Funny how my eyes went right to the diamond. But, I thought, that’s how it had always been. Edward was always surpassing Jacob, even when he didn’t mean to - even when he was no where near me; even when Jacob deserved better. I felt a pang in my chest. I missed Jake very much.

He’d run away, to put it bluntly. After receiving the invitation to my wedding he’d been so upset that he’d fled. Two weeks later he returned to Billy. He stayed in his room for days. I desperately longed to comfort him and to cheer him up. But I knew my presence would only bring him more sorrow. Billy would call me while he was out with the pack to assure me Jake wasn’t becoming reclusive. I could tell Edward was uncomfortable while standing next to me during those calls, knowing that he’d caused Jake to run. I cried some nights for him, even though I’d promised myself that I’d never let Edward see me cry another tear for Jacob Black. Edward held me just the same. Sometimes I didn’t cry for Jake. I cried because I was mad at myself for being so weak.

Thinking about Jake made me acutely aware of the hollow part of my heart where he used to reside. Soon it would grow to engulf Charlie, Renee and all other mortal beings in my life. Not for the first time, I became conscious of what I was giving up to spend eternity with Edward. But, in my eyes, it was well worth it. And so, as I drifted off to sleep, I grabbed onto the wooden wolf charm tightly, hoping to hold onto some part of my humanity with it.

When I awoke the sun was low in the sky, casting sideways shadows across the room. I was warm from sleeping under the heavy covers but I felt a cold chill pressed against my left side. I opened my eyes to find Edward lying next to me in bed staring intently at a yellow flower. He turned to me and smiled.

“I thought you might like this,” he said and held the flower out for me. I scooted up so I was sitting and took the flower. It smelled heavenly. “The scent reminds me of you.”

“It’s beautiful.” And it truly was. Now that I looked more carefully I could see streaks of pink going through the petals and some thin brown marks. The seeds were protruding from the center on several frail stems with a pink pigment. The delicate way the pink and yellow of the petals fused so seamlessly fascinated me.

“Another reason why it is like you,” he murmured as he coaxed my chin up with his long white hand. Gazing into my eyes, he started kissing my face gingerly as if I was a breakable porcelain doll. Which, to him, I was. I tried to stay still and behave myself, and for the most part I did a good job. A moan escaped from my lips when he went to my neck. He took this only as further encouragement and situated himself on top of me without pressing any weight down. His arm ran up and down my body until it reached down to my knee and hiked it up on his hip. This caused a gasp to erupt out of my chest. “Bella, it’s okay. I just want to know what it’s like. I am tired of waiting.” His lips continued to trail kisses down my neck towards my chest.

“Edward.” He froze. His lips stopped moving against me. His body shifted so he was no longer pressing against me. “I thought we were waiting for our wedding night.” He rolled away from me and heaved a sigh. Was this Edward being sexually frustrated? I never thought I’d see the day! Maybe those 100 year old virgin jokes from Emmett were starting to get to him. I took his hand and kissed him on the cheek. “Sorry, but at this point, we are waiting.”