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Instant Messaging

Summary:
Have you ever wondered what happens in the Cullen Chatroom? IM BACK!!!


Notes:
I OWN NOTHING!!!


2. Ready?

Rating 5/5   Word Count 985   Review this Chapter

Bella: hey Eddy-kins.

Edward: Bella, honey, I think you may have a mental disorder.

Bella: oh?

Edward: since when do you call me eddy-kins?

Bella: I don’t know!! I just felt like it is that a freakin problem?!?

Edward: um...no?

Bella: okay then.

Bella: jebus

Bella: sometimes Edward sometimes

Edward: jebus? where did that come from?

Bella: the Simpson’s?

Edward: Bella I think you need to tell me the truth about something...

Bella: duh.

Bella: what?

Edward: Are you on any sort of illegal drug that I don't know about?

Bella: Seriously?

Edward: yes seriously

Edward: please?

Bella: Duh you’re the one who compared yourself to a heroin addict and you’re asking me if I'M addicted to drugs?

Edward: Yes, I’m asking you, because Bella I have a confession to make...

Bella: what?

Bella: Oh, my god you’re addicted to speed aren’t you?

Edward: no. Bella I have a mental condition...

Bella: NO WAY!!!

Bella: and all this time I thought I was the one with problems

Bella: what is it?

Edward: Separation Anxiety Disorder

Edward: I need you to tell me where you are.

Bella: really?

Bella: that’s weird

Bella: but I have to confess to something too...

Edward: ok I’m ready, tell me

Bella: I am...

Edward: pregnant?

Edward: oh no Charlie’s going to kill me!

Bella: what no?

Bella: I’m not pregnant u IDIOT!!!

Bella: l’M AN INVADER FROM THE IRKEN SYSTEM!!

FEAR ME.

Edward: ...

Edward: what?

Bella: you heard me, foolish fleshling.

give me your moneys.

Edward: Fleshling? I’m a vampire Bella what I have isn't exactly "flesh"

Bella: Whatever, silly meat child. I will conquer earth and become successful so the tall ones will have to promote me.

Edward: ...

Edward: Bella I need to find you a psychologist.

Bella: I do not need your foolish human reasons.

Bella: GIR GET HIM!

Bella: .…

Bella: Gir?

Bella: GIR WHERE ARE YOU?

Bella: Oh, wait.

Bella: He is at home. CRAP

Edward: I'm coming to find you, your scent has to still be around your house somewhere, which should give me a trail

~Edward signs off~

Bella: VICTORY! VICTORY FOR ZIM

~Edward signs on~

Bella: What is this?

Bella: OH MY GIR

Bella: IT IS A BEE!

Bella: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiit.

Edward: Bella?

Bella: THAT IS NO ORDINARY BEE! THAT IS A HUMAN DEATH BEE!

DIE DEATH BEE

Edward: *slaps head*

Bella: Ow. Why did you do that?

Edward: Bella do you know who I am?

Bella: Ya your Edward duh?

Edward: I am Edward. I'm a vampire. I can't go in the sun for fear of sparkling in front of humans. That is why I cannot come to you.

Edward: So therefore, I am calling Jacob.

Bella: YAY!

Edward: As much as it kills me

Bella: I GET TO SEE JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE

Bella: I GET TO SE JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE

Bella: Thank you!

Edward: Ok no

Bella: Or not

Bella: Jeez

Bella: You ruin all my fun

Edward: Ouch.

Bella: Well you do

Edward: "The first cut is the deepest..."

Bella: Don’t start singing on me Edward Cullen

Edward: She’s back! Bella has regained her mental capacity!

Edward: Honey? Can you drive here?

Bella: Um why wouldn’t I be able to?

Bella: Jeez, you’re acting weird

Bella: Oh, did I tell you?

Edward: Tell me what?

Bella: I was diagnosed with MTD.

Edward: MTD?

Bella: Multiple Personality Disorder but I guess that would be MPD huh?

Edward: yes Bella that would be MPD

Edward: Didn't I tell you that already?

Bella: ummmmmmmmmm no I don’t think ya did. I told you that you had MPD.

Edward: oh...right....wait what????

Bella: remember when you first talked to me in biolody?

Edward: biolody isn't a word darling.

Edward: but yes, I think I’m recalling

Bella: Jeez don’t make fun of my spelling!

Bella: honey do u have Alzheimer’s

Edward: No, sadly. Some things I wish I could forget

Bella: like what?

Edward: Like what Emmett was thinking while with Rosalie last night. I am mentally scarred for life.

Bella: wow.

Bella: I did not need to know that

Edward: you asked

Bella: I'm coming over for dinner tonight is that okay?

Edward: yes!

Bella: wait.

Edward: wait.

Edward: no!

Bella: you don’t eat

Bella: well you would eat me

Bella: but why no?

Edward: You can come to my house but you aren't coming hunting with us. I'll stay back and feed you

Bella: YAY!! I get to be FED!!

Bella: okay ill be there!!

Edward: k see you in...15 minutes?

Edward: its already 6

Bella: No, it should be like hour

Bella: I have to make Charlie’s dinner

Edward: Ok, see you then. I'm going to go hunting early

~Edward has signed out~

Bella: bye

Bella: hehehe

Bella: foolish fleshling

Bella: now I will be able to steal his moneys and his underwear while he's not here

Bella: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND

Bella: CUT!!!

~Jake has signed in~

Bella: okay nvm

Bella: keep filming

Bella: jakes here

Bella: hey Jake

Jake: Bella?

Bella: ya hi

Jake: How are you?

Jake: Bella?

Bella: I’m good Jake

Bella: how have you been?

Jake: Well I imprinted...

Bella: ON WHO???

Jake: On...

Bella: tell me

Jake: Caitlin Carlson.

Bella: who is that?

Jake: She is the author of this story.

Bella: NO shit?

Jake: Ya I met her when I ran away. She was at the park playing football with her high school. IN Florida.

Bella: oh

Bella: Florida huh?

Jake: yup...

Jake: are you mad?

Bella: no

Bella: but what’s she like?

Bella: I want to know if she's worthy.

Jake: Well she's tan...

Bella: oh

Jake: And likes sports, is a DIRTY blonde, reads way too much, has a few mental disorders... you know how I like girls like that

Bella: Yes, I can only imagine

Jake: Oh, right... Your not like that at all.

Bella: Thanks for noticing.

Bella: but is she equipped to handle freaky werewolf moods?

Jake: If I didn't know her better I'd say she were a werewolf herself

Bella: oh really?

Bella: she smells funny , runs around half-naked all the time then and has no respect for other people’s personal space

Jake: I wish...

Jake: I mean um...

Bella: I bet you wish

Jake: Wish what? *begins whistling*

Bella: don’t play innocent Jacob black

Bella: you are the most spiteful and vindictive person on this earth and I HATE YOU!!!

Jake: vindictive? I'm only 17 bells what the heck does that mean?

Bella: it means EVIL

Jake: ???

Bella: just don’t Jake

Bella: you’re just making this harder

Bella: I’m sorry I have to say this but....

Jake: but...

Bella: I am in love with...

Bella: BILLY CORGAN!!

Jake: What???

Bella: Yes, it’s true

Bella: and Jake

Bella: we are through

Jake: Yeh? Is that so?

Bella: and I’m keeping my baby

Jake: ...huh?

Bella: good-bye Jacob