A one-shot. Edward stays in Bella's room for one last time. Should he go? Should he stay? (The lyrics are from 'Skeptics and True Believers)
1. Last Chance
Rating 5/5 Word Count 831 Review this Chapter
Would you believe me if I said I didn't need you,
'cause I wouldn't believe you if you said the same to me.
And near death, last breath, and barely hanging on. Would you believe me if I said I didn't need you?
“Bella,” I whispered softly as I watched her sleep. But, I knew she would never hear me. She didn’t even know I was here. I drew a shuddering breath as I faced my looming decision. Would I, could I, leave her, my Bella? My angel?
I turned to look at her perfect face, with her large, trusting brown eyes, her heart shaped face, her curved chin, every soft gentle curve on her delicate face. I traced my icy fingers gently across her cheek. Relishing the feeling of her blood boiling under my touch, even subconsciously she responded to me. What would she think if I left her?
If I was human I would have cried, sobbed until my heart broke. I would never see my wonderful Bella again after I left. It would be any good for her for me to return after I broke her heart. The worst part would be that she would have to think that I didn’t love her anymore. Like I could ever live in a world without her. Live without loving her.
What would happen if I left? Would she forget? Did I want her to forget? I shook my head, derailing all those thoughts. I had to leave. I was no good for her, and she needed someone human. No matter what Bella said, I am not her angel. Angels aren’t tempted to kill people. The devil does.
“I love you.” I promised her. My body was shaking violently with my tearless, broken sobs. “Bella, Bella. No matter what happens, I love you. I need you, Bella. More than you know, much more than even you love me. But I’m no good for you, sweetie. You’ll forget. I never understood why you wanted me anyway. You could have had anyone else, but you chose me, a bloodthirsty vampire.” I smiled bitterly as I stroked a loose strand of reddish brown hair from her face. “Time heals all wounds, right?”
Even as I said that, I knew it wasn’t true. Time wouldn’t be able to heal the scars that she imprinted in my heart, my soul, if I had one. I would miss my Bella.
No, not my Bella. She couldn’t be mine anymore, I couldn’t think like that. After I leave her, hurt her, she couldn’t be mine anymore. Nobody could love someone after they did that much damage. I wouldn’t be selfish anymore; I would not ruin the human life that Bella had, laid out perfectly in front of her. She was ready to throw it all away for me, but I wasn’t worth it. I never was.
I glanced at the shabby clock perched on her cluttered bedside table. It was time for me to go. Time for me to remove myself from her life. I flew around her room, faster than the human eye could follow. A bittersweet thought wedged its way into my mind, of my clumsy Bella trying to run this fast. I darted through her room, continuing to find any traces of my presence. I stopped when I removed her CD for the player. I weighed it in my hands. Could I destroy it? The part of me I poured out to her? The part of me that would always be hers?
For one last time, I gave in to my selfish part. I would leave something behind for her. I would have to go, but some of me could stay and still be hers. I reached to the loose floorboard by her bed, and quietly pulled it up. When the pictures and CD were safely under her floor, I looked at Bella one last time. “Goodbye. Goodbye, my sweet.” I whispered. “This is the last time I can tell you this, so listen carefully. I love you, Bella. No matter what happens I will always love you. My heart is yours forever, even if yours is broken.” I smiled sadly and leaped out the window onto the damp green grass below.
I turned, and took a last long look at beloved’s home. Its shutters, poor paint job, bright yellow kitchens, I drank it all in. I didn’t know when I would see it again. If I would see it again. I tried to be grateful for the time we had, for the time she loved me, but I still needed her.
I turned suddenly, and ran, in hopes to leave everything, but the memories of my sweetheart behind.
Don't be so scared to take a second for reflection,
to take a leave of absence, see what you're made of.
So I'm selfish, and you're sorry.
When I'm gone you'll be going nowhere fast.
So who's selfish, and who's sorry?