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Edward on a Plane

Summary:
This is what happens on the plane on the way to Bella's Mother's. I am absolutely willing to guarantee that it is not what you are expecting.


Notes:
This is almost beyond my usual weird. Almost but not quite. I hope you enjoy it though it is okay if you don't. Inspired by the YouTube video Wand Wars. (hehe Snape's On a Plane)


1. Chapter 1

Rating 3.3/5   Word Count 1356   Review this Chapter

I was glad to go with Bella to her mother's in Florida even though I knew that I would have to do something that was almost a fate worse than death, fly in an airplane. Little did I know that this trip in an airplane was going to be worse than any other I had ever endured in the entirety of my existence.

It all began as soon as we arrived at the airport. While large crowds of people in confined spaces no longer cause me the trouble it once had, it is not an altogether pleasant experience. Typically, it took forever for us to get through security, especially since Bella beeped going through the metal detector, apparently she had one too many metal plates in her arm from having so many accidents. We were then treated with a large amount of contempt as Bella was prodded with a metal detector in every place imaginable.

Then, we had to deal with the strangest person as we picked up our boarding pass. She smiled at me with much more warmth than was really necessary. I was used to this however and was unperturbed. She then had a troubling thought: Wow he looks kind of like... Her thought was interrupted as she looked at the names on the passports. OH MY GOD!! His name is Edward Cullen and the girl is Bella Swan!! This bothered me. Why did she have such a reaction? Was there something going on that we should know about? I was lost in thought as she said,

"Sorry, could you wait for a moment please?"

A moment later, she came back with someone that was clearly her friend. Wow, Leila was right he does look like HIM... must be a coincidence that he's named Edward Cullen... if only. Now I was concerned. I quickly grabbed our boarding passes, grabbed Bella by the shoulder and walked away as fast as measly human speeds would allow.

However, I did enjoy the next hour or so that Bella and I got to spend together before we got on the airplane. We discussed how her imminent doom was definitely going to cause a massive terrorist attack, the worst terrorist attack in American history to be more precise. Too soon we had to board that tuna can of an airplane. I was not happy about travelling in an airplane as I had noticed that I was now both claustrophobic due to the large amounts of time I spent in small rooms during Bella's absence and I had a fear of heights. Apparently childhood memories that cannot even be remembered still affect your mental health. As we sat down I observed that the people next to us were four giggling teenage girls. Apparently even being separated by the aisle could not stop their chattering. This was clearly going to be a long flight.

About ten minutes later the stewardess began the safety speech about how to escape should the airplane catch on fire, should we crash, or should any other practically impossible scenarios occurred during our flight. At the end of the speech the stewardess proclaimed,

"OH MY GOD! That guy, in the seat over there what's his name? Seriously! It's Edward Cullen? No way! You're telling me that guy over there that looks just like Edward from Twilight is named Edward Cullen! Oh crap! The mike is still on isn't it..." the stewardess, whom could be seen from where I was sitting, flushed a tomato red that was unrivaled even by Bella.

After the speech the four teenagers next to us turned and stared at us with a slightly manic expression in their eyes. He does look like Edward! And that girl next to him looks just like Bella, and his eyes are even gold, just like the book says. Uh oh! But that means that he might be able to hear my thoughts... stop thinking now you idiot!

How could all of those people possibly know who we were? How did that one person know that I could read her thoughts? This was quickly becoming out of control. For the first time, Bella was aware of the plight that had been nagging at me since we had arrived at the airport. She had an incredulous look in her eyes that was slightly panicked, a look that I was sure my expression mirrored. I couldn't help but feel that the book Twilight held the answers that I sought.

I had more pressing matters to attend to however. It seemed that while I was in my thoughtful stupor, all the girls and women on the plane had gathered around my seat and were staring at me with amazed awe. Stephanie Meyer is clearly a god, one of them thought. Clearly this Twilight book was popular!

This was when things went from being strange to downright disturbing. As I stood up to see if I could break through the crowd a little, the females began to chant in a tone that sounded like it belonged to a zombie,

"Ed-ward Cull-en, Ed-ward Cull-en..."

The girls then put their arms in front of them and began to chase after me in a zombie-like manner. I walked away hurriedly though I was not sure where I was going to go as I was trapped in a confined airplane. My feeling of claustrophobia increased dramatically as I leaped into the bathroom for refuge. Even the bathroom door and modern rules of edicate could not stop the crazed, zombie fan girls from attempting to claw their way into the bathroom. One of them gave a feral snarl and began to body check the bathroom door. Three of the other zombies started to body check the door in a calculated rhythm. I knew that the door wouldn't hold for much longer.

I took this time to contemplate my options. I could leap out the window. This would be incredibly conspicuous and undoubtedly cowardly plus I would have to abandon Bella, but it would get me away form these crazed Twilight Fans. Also, really, what was the worst that could happen, they were only crazed humans after all and humans that seemed to adore me at that. I made my decision I would face this like a man or rather vampire. Emmett would be proud once he finished laughing his head off.

In that moment the door broke and a large group of teenagers girls and women entered the bathroom. I was lifted onto their shoulders (quite a feat since it seems that I am made out of stone)and I was carried to the main compartment where it seemed all of the makeup that had been stored on the airplane had been placed in order to accomplish something amazing; give me a makeover. At this thought I shuddered involuntarily almost causing myself to be dropped. As I looked in the crowd I noticed that even Bella had been pulled under by their spell.

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo," I called melodramatically.

They had ensnared everyone even my dear sweet Bella. I did not resist as they gave me a makeover, dying my hair, painting my nails, and doing every un-manly thing imaginable to me. They showed me to a mirror once I was done. I looked exactly like a Valley Girl when they were done. They had place a large amount of tanning solution on me as they had attempted to place me in the on-board tanning bed to no effect. How they had some how given me both hair extensions and curled my hair in such a short time shall remain a mystery to me forever more. They had placed me in a skirt and the frilliest shirt they could find. They had also placed a dangerous amount of makeup on my face and put pink nail polish on my hands and on my feet. All and all it was much worse than I had thought.

"Ed-ward Cull-en is one of us now..." all of the girls chanted in unison just as the plane went in for a landing.

Next time I am defiantly travelling by a different airline.