The Vampire Channel

It was a typical rainy day in Forks, Washington and Bella swan was alone in the Cullen's vast mansion. With nothing better to do with her time, she decided to play with the family's giant plasma screen TV. She ran around the house gathering all of the pillows she could find, threw them into a huge heap in front of the TV, sat down, and hit the power button.

*tv flicks on*

Announcer guy:

You're watching Vamp Television on your favorite satellite network, COVENTV

*show starts*

Here's the story

of a lovely lady

who was bringing up 3 very lovely girls

None of them had carmel hair

like their mother

with hair spiked, straight, or curled.

Here's the story

of a man named Cullen

who was busy with three boys of his own

They were four men living all together

but they were all alone.

Til the one day that the lady met this fellow

And they knew it was much more than a hunch

That this group would somehow form a coven

That's the way we all became the Cullen Bunch.

The Cullen Bunch

The Cullen Bunch

That's the way we all became the Cullen Bunch!

Alice: Rose, you've been in the bathroom for 2 hours! Some of us need it too!

Rosalie: Alice, you KNOW I have to brush my hair at least 500 times before I come out, and you just made me lose count again. I can't remember if I was on 498 or 499.

Alice: ROSALIE! ROSALIE! ROSALIE!

*channel changes*

Welcome back to the Price is Right, VAMPIRE EDITION! And now, your host, Marcus from the Voltu-

*channel changes*

In the mediterranean is a tropic port,
Vacation fun is the favorite sport.
This is the place where the tourists flock,
Renting the boats at the busy dock.

Heidi and Cauius from the Volturi,
Sail on the Grizzly this lovely day.
Victoria is next aboard,
All taking trip that they can not afford.

The next two people are siblings there,
They got no worries, they got no cares.
They climb aboard and they step inside,
With just enough bags for a six-hour ride.

Tourists come, tourists go, tourists touring to and fro.

These five nice tourists, they take this trip,
Relaxing on deck on this little ship.
The weather is clear and the sun is hot,

The weather is clear? I think it is not!

Tourists come, tourists go, tourists tossing to and fro.

The captain is brave, he's Carrrrumba! What a storm!
The captain is brave, he's a fearless man,
And Felix helps him all that he can.
The wheel, she break and lose all control,
S.S. Grizzly do the rock-and-roll.

The sea is now calm and the weather grand,
Where is the Grizzly upon the sand?
What happen now will bring you a smile,
The adventures of Felix, and Aro,
And the siblings Alec, and Jane,
And the other tourists, on Felix's Isle!

*channel changes*

Jasper:

Forks acres is the place for me

Wet livin' is the life for me

Land spreadin' out so far and wide

Forget Manhattan just give me that forest side!

Alice:

New York is where I'd rather stay

I get allergic in the rain all day

I just adore a penthouse view

Darling I love you but give me Park Avenue.

Jasper: The moors

Alice: The stores

Jasper: Moist air

Alice: Times Square

Jasper: You are my wife.

Alice: Goodbye, city life

Both:

Forks Acres we are there!

*tv flicks off*

Clearly, Edward and his family would have some explaining to do when they got back from hunting. Bella glanced at the clock. She still had time before any one got home. She took one of the larger pillows in her stash, ran to the top of the stairs, and slid down with the pillow underneath her like a toboggan. It was going to be a pleasurable 2 hours.