Edward has regrets about changing Bella...
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1. Chapter 1
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Moonlight illuminated the skies, making Bella’s skin sparkle like a thousand tiny diamonds. I looked into her golden eyes and recalled the chocolate brown they used to be. Was it the right thing to do? I ignored my selfish answer. Of course it was—now she was even more gorgeous then before and they could live together forever…
But it was wrong to take her soul away from her. Sure, maybe there was a small amount of hope in me that there would be some sort of vampire-heaven—Bella had made that clear to me many times, pointing out my reaction in Italy when I first found Bella in my arms. But still, to damn someone this good, this full of life, was wrong. I wished I could take it all back, wished that I could have just left Bella alone when I first saw her—now she would be in college and living a real life. But I couldn’t.
Despite this nagging conscience that accompanied me, I was happier then I ever had been in my entire life. Bella—my angel, my love—was finally mine forever. I looked down at her hand where my wedding ring rested upon her finger. I recalled the sweet moment during our wedding when the preacher finally proclaimed her as mine. Of course, with that final bond came more arguments. I had promised to Bella, and she was not about to let that go.
“Edward…I followed through with my side of the bargain, now you have to follow through with yours.” Bella glared at me with those large chocolate brown eyes. I gazed pointedly out the window to where the sun had just dipped below the horizon, signaling another endless twilight.
“Yes, but Bella, I can’t do that to you. It would kill me—to take away your soul! Yes Bella, I know I don’t really believe that, but you have to hold on to you mortality while you can! Walking a life of endless solitude, never sleeping, never actually living. I don’t want to do that to you!” I watched as her face slowly transformed into a mask of sadness. I touched her face, wishing to take away the anguish that penetrated her features.
“Is this even really about that? Or do you just not want to spend the rest of your life with me? Because if that’s the case, then I would be glad to leave your family alone…” Her face was still twisted into a mask of anguish and pain.
I glared at her. “Isabella Marie Swan. I love you, and I always will. If you honestly think that I don’t want to change you because I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with you, then your insane. Wake up! The only thing that is more important to me then spending the rest of my life with you is you. I can’t do that to you. What would you do if you were in my situation? Damn me? What if you were faced with the choice of spending the rest of your life with me or turning me into a monster? This is how I feel…” I watched as her face finally turned sympathetic and she took my hand.
“Oh, Edward! I guess I never did think about it like that. But if I was in your situation, and I thought that you loved me even half as much as I loved you, I would change you, knowing that you would sacrifice anything for me…” She grinned coyly, knowing that she had won.
“Bella! That’s not fair!” I protested, sitting up straighter. “ I would sacrifice anything for you…”
She just looked at me, her eyes pleading.
“If you really want to give up your soul for me…”
“Hello, I’m Edward the pushover, at your service.”
And I wished I could take it all back. Well, that is kind of a lie—I sort of wish I could take it all back, but then I remember those special moments, moments that couldn’t and wouldn’t have happened had she been still mortal, and I love myself for changing her. More then that, I love Bella for still loving me after what I did to her.
We were in the meadow, under the brilliant sunshine, our skin glittering like a thousand crystals. And I kissed her. Despite her newfound strength, I still was careful around her, forgetting that I couldn’t hurt her. She had pushed away, snarling at me.
“I’m tired of you acting like I’m some sort porcelain doll! I’m not going to break!” She shoved me with two hands, as if to demonstrate her strength. I fell backwards despite my attempt to stay upright. I looked up at her, pain evident in my eyes.
Instantly her features softened, and she sat next to me. “You can’t hurt me…” she whispered.
So I kissed her, kissed her passionately. I pressed myself up against her, feeling the way her cold skin felt against mine. She parted her lips slightly, and I gave in, giving my whole self to her…
So yes, I couldn’t live without her, and it was not the selfish part of me that regretted changing her. No, that definitely wasn’t it. But it had only been a month since I changed her and watching her restraint when she first saw a human killed me. She was stronger then the rest of us—that was for sure. When I was first changed, it took six months before I could come within 20 yards of a human. Bella, after three weeks, could be as nearer then that and still control herself—although it was obvious she was struggling. God, I loved her.
“Edward, please kiss me.” She said one night as we were sprawled across the floor in our room.
“Your wish is my command…” And I leaned over and kissed her.
“I love you Edward.” She said. I rolled over until I was right next to her. Then I rolled on top of her and pinned her forearms beneath me, my face inches from hers.
“I love you more…” I said, and she smiled. It was these moments that I was overjoyed that I had finally changed Bella—nothing was worth these precious moments. She really was beautiful—she made Rosalie look like a stand-in. Dark lashes framed her gold eyes and her full lips stretched back to expose perfect white teeth. Her previously dark hair had gotten even darker, and was impeccably straight. I definitely wasn’t worth this beauty…
She really was pretty, and she did seem truly happy with this new life. And she was all mine. God, I was the luckiest man alive…