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Distractions

Summary:


Edward and Bella's love will last forever. No matter what he's done. Even when there is one last secret. She'll still love him when it comes to light. Right? Image Hosted by ImageShack.us IRIS MADE THE BANNER. SHE IS THE BEST IN THE WORLD!!


Notes:
Self-insertion. Just so you know. Edward/Bella, though. Read and review! I have eight chapters written, but I'm overscheduled and easily distracted, so you'll have to bear with me. Thanks to my beta, Katherine!


3. Painful Narration

Rating 4.5/5   Word Count 977   Review this Chapter

I took a deep breath and began to recount the most painful experience of my life.

“The first week, I couldn’t move. At all. I was totally immobile, trapped in my mind. And all that was in my mind was, well, ‘ouch’.”

He chuckled softly.

“Way to laugh at my pain, Edward.”

The angel’s face quickly became composed once again.

“Kidding. But it hurt. So much. I couldn’t talk or eat, couldn’t move. Charlie was terrified. He called Renee to come get me. And when she came… that broke me out of the spell. I threw a giant fit. I think I scared Charlie into letting me stay. I needed to be here. It wasn’t even a conscious decision. I wasn’t waiting for you. I was so sure.”

He interrupted softly. “Sure of what?”

I had hoped he wouldn’t make me say this part. “Sure that… that you didn’t love me. I didn’t think you’d come back, but I needed to be here. It was all I had left.”

Edward pulled me against his chest. His cool touch was soothing, comforting. It helped a little as I tried to summarize the agony in a way that wouldn’t hurt either of us. “I didn’t think of you. That was how I kept the pain away. I didn’t think of you. Which meant no movies, no music, no reading, no TV. They were all things that could bring the pain back with a vengeance. Sometimes I lapsed, but after all, I’m only human. Three months, and I didn’t feel a thing. Then suddenly Charlie threatened to send me home. I told him I’d try harder. Go out with friends… Jess and I went to a movie. It was some gory horror thing, but there was some romance in the beginning. I had to run out and get popcorn. And at the end, when the heroine was a zombie, I realized that she looked just like me. It wasn’t the kind of monster I wanted to be. That thought was forbidden too, of course. A lot of pain potential there. All those impossible dreams… I didn’t think of you, and it still hurt. But seeing the zombie snapped me out. I couldn’t find the numbness, so all I could find was pain.”

“Oh, Bella. I am so sorry. I thought I was hurt worse than you, but I guess… hearing you tell it I’m not so sure. Bella, I am so sorry.”

“You were only trying to do the right thing. Anyway… you remember those men in Port Angeles?”

He nodded, perfect face tense with rage at the mere thought of my would-be attackers. “Well, I thought I saw one of them as Jess and I were walking out of the movie. And so I walked over to him.”

“WHAT!!!”

“As I walked into danger, I heard your voice, crystal clear, telling me not to go. I didn’t obey, but I relished listening. So beautiful, so perfect… it was like you cared. And even pretending that gave me strength. I couldn’t go back to numbness, not after hearing you. It wasn’t him, though, and your voice faded. I thought it was the déjà vu that did it. Jess was so mad… The next day, at school, I started talking again. But still, little things would get to me. After a while, I decided I couldn’t bear to go on keeping my promise to stay safe. I saw the motorcycles, broken, and took them to Jacob. He fixed them, and he fixed me. A little bit. I couldn’t feel the hole when he was there, but it was always ready to pounce as soon as I left, and the nightmares…”

The tears were starting. It hurt even to remember.

“And then one day Jake got sick and started avoiding me. After a month of that, he came up to me and said he couldn’t be my friend anymore. I thought it was because he wanted me to love him, and I didn’t. I still loved you. And I always will.”

“So will I you.”

It was so much easier with him here. “It was before that when Jake and I started looking for the clearing… our clearing. I thought it might have your voice in it. The motorcycles did, but I hadn’t figured out that the danger was the key to hearing you.”

“Risking your precious life just to hear the voice of a monster? Isabella Swan, what have I done to you?”

“I’d make the trade any day.”

It was the wrong thing to say. He stiffened, froze. I apologized for my slip of the tongue with a kiss. “Anyway, I finally found the clearing, while Jacob was avoiding me. And it hurt so much. I was trying to muster the energy to overcome the pain and run when Laurent showed up.”

Edward, still tense, hissed.

“He smiled, made polite conversation, and apologized. I heard your voice, clear as a bell, telling me what to do. This time, I listened. It wasn’t enough, and he was primed to kill me, when a giant wolf burst into the clearing, followed by four others. It terrified me. And I thought Laurent was still alive, that he’d come back for me. Back at the ranch, Jacob is telling me he can’t spend time with me anymore. And I can’t take it. He’s the only one who saved me, who made my life halfway bearable. So I have a new nightmare, and then Jacob climbs through my window. It reminds me of you, and I can’t stand that.”

“So sorry,” he whispers, but I know the words are not for me. I have forgiven him, but he has not.