The Lonely, Miserable, Pathetic Wolf
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Entering the mind and understanding the feelings of Jacob Black towards the loss of his best friend and love, Isabella. [[dont worry this fic isnt flaming jacob at all, its sad]]
I own nothing. All characters and setting belong to the rightful author Stephenie Meyer.
1. The Lonely, Miserable, Pathetic Wolf
Rating 5/5 Word Count 992 Review this Chapter
The Lonely, Miserable, Pathetic Wolf
The wind howled loudly outside my bedroom window. The sound reminded me of my brother’s. The sound brought pain in my heart; I could hear them scolding me for being this head-over-heels for a girl who is madly in love with the enemy, for a girl that slipped away from my fingers, fallen head-over-heels over a girl I hadn’t yet imprinted on.
I smashed my fist hard against the wall. I managed to break a whole in it. I scowled.
As if I had to imprint on someone just to know I was destined to with them. I knew I was meant to be with Bella. I had to be for Bella. She made me feel whole; she made me feel like I could do anything. I doubted that anyone else in the world would make me feel the way that Bella does every time I see her, every time I talk to her, every time I touch her. Then why haven’t you imprinted on her yet? The voice in the back of my head mocked me.
Shut up! I responded.
You know it’s true, Jacob. It continued. I knew I must’ve been insane by now; talking to my own thoughts. But as much as I wanted to deny the fact…I knew that my subconscious was right. I just couldn’t face the fact that I had lost Bella. Pathetic, I told myself this time. I was being pathetic. Pathetic by moping over a girl, pathetic for giving my all to the girl and then having my feelings crushed and trampled on. Insolence!
"Jacob?" Billy called from the other side of my closed door. "Are you all right son? You’re growling and I hear you slamming against the wall."
"I’m fine." I mumbled.
I wasn’t fine. I wasn’t anywhere near fine, fine was a million miles away from what I was feeling this very moment. The word that described me was…lonely, miserable, and pathetic.
Who caused all these emotions?
Bella. It whispered in my head.
I got up, trying to clear my head from my own betraying thoughts, but fell back down with a loud whimper. I landed on the floor hard, my head against the cold wall. Bella.
I pressed myself firmly against the wall, the coolness of it calming me, relaxing my strained mind.
This is how Bella must feel against Edward. The voice said once again. Betraying me; sending me into a spiral of hatred and sadness.
"She would feel a lot better against the heat." I mumbled to myself, trying to convince myself that I truly was the one for Bella, that I would be better than that leech.
I released my face from the wall and got up. The tiny room was making me go insane.
"I’m going out." I said passing by Billy, not bothering to explain any more.
"Sure." Billy said not bothering to interrogate me.
I opened the front door, immediately feeling much better when the night cool air touched my face. The chirping of the crickets and the full moon made it a peaceful night.
I walked slowly across the driveway, the gravel crunching beneath my feet, to the forest; the place I used to think.
Rain began to fall, I looked up; the clouds had managed to cover the beautiful moon. I sighed letting myself wander into the forest, not caring where I wound up.
I walked a couple hundred yards before I became sick of walking, changing into my wolf form, I began running.
How could she do this to me? How could she pick him instead of me? Where I could have given her everything, he can give her nothing. I am the better choice. Me. Me. Not him.
"That’s what you want to think Jacob. I’m sorry to intrude, but I was nearby and heard you. Stop beating yourself up, Jake." Sam’s voice came clearly into my head.
"I could have given her everything and more." I growled."Need you make him repeat?" Jared’s voice came in. I didn’t like it when they invaded my mind, but it was a way to resolve problems. "You think you could have given her everything Jake. But maybe he can give her more. Understand and respect her choice Jacob. Don’t you want to see her happy?"
"Yes I do. But I could have made her happier. I could have given her a life." I said disgusted by Jared’s accusation. "And since when are you so compassionate?"
"Kim speaks truth."
The thoughts of the pack disappeared and I knew I was alone again, to wander in my own thoughts and figure out the burden in me: Bella.
Let her be happy to whomever she wants, if she’s happy with him then you should be too. I wanted to deny that fact too, but my own thoughts were right. If Bella was happy with…him then who am I to stop their relationship.
I love her. I want what’s best for her. And if he’s the best for her, then I’m going to have to deal with it.
I transformed back to my normal self, putting on boxers and pants I carried on the black of my wolf form.
There was a tree stump on the floor; I sunk into it, putting my face in my hands.
She’ll be marrying him soon. She’ll be one of them, and then she’ll never return to me. She’ll forget she ever met me and be with the family she wishes to be with. She’ll never remember me again. She’ll forget ever meeting me, because all I did was tear her up in two. She’ll never love me again, and I’m just going to have to deal with that.
The moon showed itself from behind the dark clouds, the bright light shining on me like a sign, resignation.
I sighed, getting off the mossy stump.
Edward Cullen and Bella Swan, have a happy and great life.