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The Difference of Death and Life

Originally called Love and Death or Hate and Life What happens when Edward is faced with a decission he has to make? A past love comes back for Edward, but he doesn't share the same feelings with her as he does with Bella. Will he leave her again, for her safety? Or will he stay with her and risk her life?


12. My Mistakes

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I blinked a couple of times before my eyes completely focused.

What is going on?

What happened?

"Bella..." someone whispered longingly in my ear.

I turned to see Ryan lying next to me. (We were lying on the bed.)

"I'm sorry," he said using the same voice.

I don't know why he was apologizing, but I knew that I needed one.

"Ugh!" I groaned.


"I have no clue what happened last night... Did we?" my eyes must have popped out of my head when he nodded.

"Oh God!"


"Oh, no... No, no. You stole it!"


"We weren't supposed to!"

"Why not? I love you."

"But, but... I don't."

Then, I heard the air wiz past my ears, as my body went flying across the room. My back hit a wall, and a couple of pictures fell off the wall around me, but none hit me.

"YOU WHORE! TEASE! SLUT!" he screamed at me, along with a longer list of profanities.

"Take me home!" I yelled getting up and wincing at the pain in my lower back.

Then he looked at me, his eyes were black, crazy black.

He started to walk towards me.

"Ryan... please, you do not do this."

"Shut up!" he yelled at me.

When he was mere inches from my face he brought his left hand to the right side of his face. I prepared my self to get slapped, and held my breath.

His hand came crashing down on me, causing me to fall to the ground.

I tasted the familiar taste of blood fill my mouth.

I heard him growl as I spit out the blood.

"Sorry Bella, but it's what you wanted."

The he jumped down on top of me, and pinned my arms above my head.

He kissed my blood covered mouth, and then bit my lip.

I felt the all the blood leave my face.

I felt my limbs go numb.

Ha, funny, this is the second time in not twenty four hours that this has happened, but this time, I didn't have Alice or Jasper to save me.

Ryan pulled away, he had a line of blood going from the right corner of his mouth at he was down his neck and it trailed down his chiseled abs that were still exposed.

I moaned as the venom passed through my face, paralyzing it in a grimace.

"Ryan! What did you do?" cried Demetri as he ran into the room.

"What are you going to do about it?" Ryan snapped back.

"We are supposed to be leaving today, but now we can't. Unless you want to run the whole way; carrying a screaming human."

Then I finally fell into unconsciousness.

But it did not dim the pain.

Not at all.

I guess today was full of my mistakes.


"Shit!" I cried, as the venom filled my eyes.

"Alice, dear... you are freaking out. Why wont you tell me what's wrong?"

Jasper had been trying to get me to talk for the last three days.

But id did not speak.

I did not breathe.

I did not hunt.

Bella is dead, she was changed.

This reminds me of that one Nickelback song

If Everyone Cared:

If everyone cared and nobody cried

If Edward cared,

I wouldn't be crying.

If everyone loved and nobody lied
If Edward loved her,

He wouldn't have lied.

If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
If Edward shared her feelings,

And swallowed his pride,

We'd see the day when nobody died

We'd see Bella on the day that she died.

I am gunna kill Edward.

I am going to ki-

"Alice, honey. What is going on?" Jasper said starting to get impatient.

"Bella. She dead... Ryan ch- ch- changed her." I stuttered.

"What? When?"

"Yeah, she was going to leave him after he said he loved her... but when she said she didn't love him... he threw her... and called her names... and then back handed her... and she spit blood, and he lost... control and bit her... Demetri was with Ryan... they are going to make her go into the Guard." I said gasping into Jaspers chest.

"Shh... Alice, we will get her back; whether Edward knows or not."

I nodded and rubbed my stinging eyes.



My Bella,

She is alive, and breathing.

She is alive.




I WANT to see her.

I HAVE to see her.

I NEED to see her.

Why didn't I get a picture of her?


I'll just hop back on the plan and go to her.

Yeah, yeah that's what I'll do.

But wait... I can't go back to her... I left her.

Why, am I so stupid?

I could have easily disobeyed Victoria.

So what made me want her so badly?

"Hey, Edward." Victoria called in a seductive voice.

I didn't realize that she was already unpacked and I was sitting on the bed in the hotel room.

I looked up to see Victoria standing right in front of me.

She was wearing something, not something I have ever seen in person, maybe in Emmett's thoughts, but in person and on Victoria.

Boy! Did Victoria's Secret look good on her!

I let my gaze wander at all the red lace, and black corset looking thing.

As my eyes explored I analyzed that there was 10 hooks, and 4 ties. Once I got past those I would see a little more skin and a little less fabric-

STOP! EDWARD! This is not Bella here.

It is a 1955 wanna-be pin-up model.

But the red and black and lace and (moan) skin!

I say Victoria's eyes light up.

Her irises were red and looked like fire as she advanced me.

She sat down on my lap and put her arms around my neck.

"Hey Eddy, do you think you can do me a favor?"

"Sure." I whispered hoarsely.

"Can you fix this. I feel a pinch in my back. Just try to unhook it."

I greedily obeyed.

As I unhooked the first two hooks I ran my fingers on her spine. She shivered slightly. It reminded me of Bella.

I pushed Victoria off me.

She landed roughly on the ground at my feet.

"What the hell was that for?"

"You know I do NOT love you."

"Yes, but who are you going to? Huh? Even if Bella was alive SHE would be smart enough not to take you back. You left her twice already."

"I love BELLA. And I don't care what it takes, she WILL love me back."

"Fine then, leave me. Go find her dead body. I don't care. You'll just come back to me anyways. And this time you will do it willingly."

I laughed at her, "Yeah, right."

I sang in my head as I ran out of the hotel

One...you're like a dream come true...
Two... just wanna be with you...
Three... girl it's plain to see...that you're the only one for me...
Four...repeat steps one to three...
Five... make you fall in love with me...

If ever I believe our work is done....then I start Back at One. (Yeah)

I flipped open my phone, and dialed Alice's number.

"Hello?" said a raspy voice.


"Oh, Edward! I am so sorry. I'm so sorry. Sorry. Sorry."

"What Alice? What happened?"

"She's-she's dead."


"Yeah, Ryan-" I didn't even realize the phone crumbling until I felt the desk slide through my fingers.

I felt my body start to shake and my insides started to expand. I let out a low growl and ran to the nearest forest.

When I reached it I dropped my suitcase off in a tree, and ran deep into the forest.

I tackled every animal to the ground.

I drank every drop of blood.

I wonder what would happen if an animal got transformed.

I should try.


I will never change anyone or thing, I never got to change Bella. Only if I were to change Bella, I might have the mental strength to change something else. But that day will never come. Because Bella is dead.


No clue.


No clue.




All because of me.

But if I were there with her... if I were the man, and stood next to his own woman, she would still be here.

She even stood by me, even when she knew what I was.

God I miss her.


Three days later.

I couldn't find it in myself to go to her.

Even if it was just her grave.

I bet Alice's head was about to explode with this entire mind changing thing.

But I came to my decision.

First I get a phone, call Alice and tell her.

Then I go see Bella for myself, and if she's dead... I would rather see her grave then her funeral. I wouldn't be able to stand all the grief and hate from other people.


I made my way to the airport after retreating my bag, getting a phone and calling a cab.

I made my way to the ticket counter.

YES, A female. This will be easier than with a man.

"How may I help you?" Anything I can DO for you?

"I need the next plane to Seattle. First class ticket preferably." I said, using my most velvety voice.

"Uh, uh, sure. One mo-moment please." WOW! This guy is even hotter close up!

Women always have a one track mind.

"There is one opening left."

"I'll take it!" I said almost a little too quickly.

"Okay, your flight leaves at 3 o'clock. Would you like to book your bags now?"

"No, I just have one carry on."

"Alrighty then. Here is your ticket and have a nice flight."

"Thank you." I said with a nod.

I quickly made my way over to the gates. My plane was on the other side of the airport.

Which was good, because I had an hour until boarding time, but I could make it there in 5 minutes if I tried hard enough.

But I didn't try.

I just walked slowly, slower than any human.

I sang (again) in my head as I walked.

I should have known better with a girl like you
That I would love everything that you do
And I do, hey, hey, hey, and I do

Whoa, oh, I never realized what a kiss could be
This could only happen to me
Can't you see, can't you see


I woke up to find the pain finally dimming, but my heart was beating so fast. I thought I would have a heart attack.

But then suddenly, it stopped.

I sat up, trying to breath.

I was gasping.

Trying to catch my breath, but it wouldn't come.

"Hold your breath." Came a feminine voice from the other side of this unknown room.

But I did, and it worked.

I no longer needed to breath, eat, or even sleep!

But there is one thing I will no longer have.

My love.

Well I lost my heart beat, and it only beated for him-

"Are you okay?"

"Oh, yes. I'm sorry. Uh, um where is Ryan?" said a voice that sounded nothing like my previous, human, one. I covered my mouth with my hand right after the words left my lips.

"Right here." Came a voice from behind me.

I stood up and flew around. I went faster than I thought possible.