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The Difference of Death and Life

Originally called Love and Death or Hate and Life What happens when Edward is faced with a decission he has to make? A past love comes back for Edward, but he doesn't share the same feelings with her as he does with Bella. Will he leave her again, for her safety? Or will he stay with her and risk her life?


7. Gone

Rating 5/5   Word Count 1799   Review this Chapter


I pulled the car over to the side of the road.

"What are you doing?" Victoria hissed.

"I am going to walk." I said opening the car door and getting out.

"You better not go back to her. She's dead." She said reaching out to grab my hand, but I flinched away.

"I understand that. I'm not going to; I just need to be alone."

"Fine, but you better be at the airport in 2 hours or I will kill Alice next. We leave at midnight."

I looked at her with pure hatred; she just looked back with a mocking smile on her face.

"Yes master." I said bowing to her.

"Don't play with me, Edward..."

"Sorry," I said sarcastically.

I stepped toward the forest and started to think. It was night, pitch black for all I could see, as I was surrounded by foliage. Even if the stars where out, I wouldn't be able to see them. My mind is full. Over everything... love, hatred, want, confusion, desire, and then my memories came flooding back to me.

Like the first time I left her and I couldn't believe she believed me. Now that it was a second time, I REALLY couldn't understand how she believed me.

When I told you I didn't want you... it was the blackest kind of blasphemy. I had told her.

She shook her head frantically in disbelief. I nodded slowly, as to not scare her.

Tears streamed down her face. I wanted to kiss away every tear the ever left her eyes.

And I never want her to have to shed another because of me, and I knew she never would again. And there was nothing I can do. All because she is dead. Like I would have preferred. I never wanted her to become vampire, but I forgot how badly I felt when I heard she died. That was the last time I took Rose seriously.

And now Bella is gone, all because I didn't tell Alice about Victoria. All because I didn't tell Carlisle that I was afraid to change Bella, and kept postponing her transformation. All because I was stupid, stupid, Stupid, STUPID!

Bella, my angle, my life, my soul is gone.

"Gone for now?" One side of my head asked; the side of Denial. The side I wanted to listen to.

"No, GONE FOREVER..." The other assured. The realistic side; I wanted to ignore it.

"No she'll be back, she can't be..." Denial.

"GONE!" it filled in the blank. Realistic.

I fell to the ground and just let the venom pour down my face. I lowered my head to the ground.

I am pathetic.

I am useless.

I am no longer needed in the world.

I do not want to live, if she is gone, there is no point to forever.

I tried to get up, but my arms and legs felt like led. Here we go again. I thought. This is how it all started last time.

I rolled onto my stomach, took a couple of deep breaths and pushed my self up into a push up, then brought myself into a squat. I slowly vertebrae, by vertebrae stood up straight. My head hung down. It felt the heaviest of all.

The venom stung my eyes. I don't think I've cried that hard the first time I left her. I don't think I have ever cried this hard in general.

I finally started to walk and headed to the only place I could think straight.

The meadow...


I ran to the hospital, I passed by everyone too quickly to be seen. I ran down the stairs, down the left hallway, right turn, open the far left door, and take the elevator up to the third floor, and go to the first door on the right. That would have been confusing if I weren't a vampire.

Okay... where did he say? Oh yeah, Bottom-left drawer. I ran straight to the desk and took a seat in his chair (It was really comfortable; I should buy one for mine and Jazz's room, but it would have looked better in a deep blue or dark green...). I rummaged around in the drawer until I found the big black bag.

Once I reached the house I ran straight to the kitchen, and didn't notice the Volvo in the driveway. Which wasn't the best idea, because I saw Victoria sitting in the kitchen; staring at Carlisle and Jasper, who were tied together chairs, with iron chains.

"Oh, Hello Alice. We have been waiting for you." said Victoria in a fake innocent voice.

"Err... Hi, now will you unchain my husband and father now, we are in a hurry." I said looking at Jasper, his eyes were unfocused, and black, he needed to hunt.

"Oh, well I hate to break it to you, but I need you for a little help. Edward said you would be best for it."

"I don't-"

"You can trust me, I'm going to be your sister..." she said putting her left hand on my shoulder. That's when I saw Bella's engagement ring on her third finger.

I slapped her, and yelled, "You will never be MY sister. You will never been in THIS family! And we can all see that Edward wants you... And then, then... Edward will be disowned!"

"Haha, you have no control over this family."

"Yes, but I do," said Carlisle, finally stepping in. "Edward has had many chances and just blew his last one."

"That's not true. You know it. You love him too much to just throw him out."

"He can last on his own." I chimed in.

"He won't be ALONE!" yelled Victoria throwing her arms up in the air.

"Oh, excuse me. He will have a pet RAT with him." I spat.

Then she launched herself at me. I didn't realize how hard I was hit, until I felt the Volvo crunch under me. The alarm sounded, but I just hit it right in the middle of the dashboard, pulled some wires and the alarm shut off. See, it helps to actually listen to Rosalie.... Sometimes...

I turned in time to see Victoria flying towards me. I rolled off the hood and scrambled to my feet and jumped in time to hit Victoria mid-air.

"Edward's gunna kill you for screwing up his car." I said before spitting a mouth full of venom in her face.

Then I heard a yell in the distance.

Our (mine and Victoria's) heads flew to the left, and I saw Edward running towards us.

I push Victoria off me and ran to him. He held his arms up for me to fall in them, but I just rammed him in the stomach and started throwing punches in his gut. He flew back but I just followed through with my punching.

"Bastard!" I yelled.

"Alice... Stop..."

"No!!! Now, because of you... I don't have anything! I lost my best friend, my brother, and..." I broke down into tears, and ceased my hits.

"Alice..." he said soothingly into my hair, and rubbing circles on my back.

I hate you. I thought to him, as I took off into the house. I slammed the door so hard that the glass windows shattered.


I was laying down in the meadow when I started to daze off. Not literally. I wish I could, especially at times like this. I could dream of Bella. I could feel so close to her, though I would never see her hypnotizing smile, touch her deepening blush, gaze into her beautiful brown eyes, taste her delicious lips, or try to figure out her mysteriously blank thoughts.

And all my thought were one was her this, her that, her, her, her.

I turned over and pick up a flower. It was a light pink, and had a long green steam; a tulip. I remembered the last time I brought Bella here.

She picked up a pink tulip, and told me a story about when she was little her mother used to buy her a bouquet of tulips every year for her birthday, but then Renné got married to Phil, and Phil started buy Renné flowers, so she never got them anymore. She missed the way the petals would be hot pink on the tips, and slowly fade to white, or how the softness of the pollen would feel on her finger tips, or how no matter how much you tried, you could never find a way to put them in your hair and make it look good. She also loved how the flower looked with my crystallized skin sparkling on the pinks, and how the contrast between the pinks and our pale skins. I then grabbed her hand and kissed each finger, and moved my way up to her hand-

I was pushed out of my thoughts by a loud alarm. I recognized that alarm. That was the Volvo. God damn it! I trust Victoria to be with my car for 2 hours (and it hasn't even been 2 hours) and she already screwed it up. I groaned and took off towards the alarm.

It took me a moment to realize that I was running in the opposite direction than the airport. I was running towards the house! I started to get angrier than I thought possible.

I ran into the clearing around the house and saw Alice tackle Victoria in mid-air. I yelled at them to stop. Their heads turned sharply in my direction, and Alice push Victoria off before running over to me. I put my arms out to catch her, and hold her, but she started hitting me in the stomach; continuously, over and over again.

"Bastard!" she yelled.

"Alice... Stop..." I pleaded.

"No!!! Now, because of you... I don't have anything! I lost my best friend, my brother, and..." she broke down into tears, and ceased her hits.

When she started to cry, her venomous tears started to burn my shirt like acid.

"Alice..." he said soothingly into my hair, and rubbing circles on my back.

I hate you. She thought towards me, as she took off into the house. She slammed the door so hard that the glass windows shattered.

I pulled my knees up to my chest are started to rock back and forth. It wasn't long until Victoria came over and uncurled my arms and satin my lap. I would have pushed her off, but I didn't have the physical strength in me.

Why can't you love me? Victoria asked bringing my attention to her venom stained face.

"I don't know. I just can't."

Yes, you can. At least try. She pleaded.

"I'm sorry. You deserve better."

I don't deserve better. I just deserve more from you. Okay well we should start heading over to the airport.

I nodded. Wait. Where is all this coming from? Why is Victoria trying to act so understanding?