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Young Carlisle

Carlisle as a young lad. Living with his father and enduring the fact that his father was a killer. Then one day, he became one himself.... Made by mee (Photo credit deviantart)
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So basically this is based on what Edward told Bella. Except this is in Carlisles view and it was at the time when he was still human. and of course credits to stephenie meyers the creator of Carlisle

3. New light

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The sun dipped down, and the sky was once again its black beauty, filled with shining stars. The forest was filled with fumes of sighs [Shakespear], from my own lips. I knew drinking from a human was out of the question, and staying a monster was unbearable.

I walked to the river, where the ripples made a distorted moon. As I watched the water dance with grace, an idea came to me.

I will end my suffering, and not be a devil! I will end this life!

I slid down into the river, and my flesh mirrored the temperature of the water.

"1... 2.... 3!" I cried, then put my head under water.

I waited, and waited. I waited for the agony, the pain in the chest, the need for oxygen, the dizziness, but nothing. Then I realized, it was as if I was breathing. Nothing changed in me, absolutely nothing. Disappointed, I stepped out of the freezing water.

I walked and walked, the wind drying my clothes. I wondered how my father was.

Has he forgotten about me? Is he looking for me? Did the villagers see me flee into the forest? Had they realized I had entered the threshold into agony and despair? Would my grievance ever be ended?

After a while of walking, my stomach churned again, reminding me of what I have come to be. Then another idea came to my mind.

I set my foot at the edge of the cliff. I peered down and saw it was high, it was very high. No one would survive a fall from this elevation. After a deep breath, I bent my knees and jumped. The wind felt good in my face. My arms were outstretched, and I felt like I could do everything.

"Forgive me Father for what I have become. I beg of you, to open the gates to your holy place, to your kingdom, and welcome my weak soul."

Then I felt pressure on my temple, then to my stomach, to my leg, then to my arms. I felt no pain though I felt the rough surface of the ground. I laid there, thinking how I could still be alive.

"DAMN IT!" I yelled, as I got up on my knees. "WHAT WILL IT TAKE TO END THIS DAMNED LIFE!"

I strolled in the twilight, knowing full well my body has changed. I looked up at the sky, and the black has turned a light shade of gray. The yellow stars were fading, and a blanket of whiteness was slowly creeping around me.

With the knowledge that I was an immortal, I thought of ways that could weaken me, that could make me vulnerable. Then I remembered my creator, that weak face, and weak posture. And the hunger in his eyes, then I knew. I knew what I could do!

I will starve myself! No creature could live with no source that can make them strong! And for me that source is blood, so I will avoid blood. I will make it my enemy! I will weaken myself! And enable to do that I must bury myself alive!

I searched for soft earth, just as the birds began to chirp. When I found one, I used my unusually great strength and dug a deep trench. I jumped in, covered myself with earth and waited.

For weeks and weeks, I just laid there. My stomach was angry, and I felt myself weaken every minute.

Mind of matter, mind over matter, mind over matter

As I laid there, a thought crossed my mind,

Maybe..... maybe I don't have to be a monster.

A new light has shined in my corridor, and it was close, and I finally had hope once again.