Hey Kitty Kitty
What if kismet didn't happen so often for poor Bella? What if she never found those motorcycles, therefore never went down to Jacob Black? What if...there was someone else waiting for her? A twist on New Moon Chapter 4 is up
This is dedicated to my former kitty, M&M who is now...not mine. No, it didn't die, he just has a new home, lol.
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"MnM, get down from there!" I yelled, looking up. My heart was racing and my palms were sweaty. He meowed at me, tempting me to follow him. I only got him yesterday, and he was already taunting me.
He was currently up on the banister of our stairs, poking it's head out of the slim rails. I knew cats landed on their feet, but it was so scary watching him in between those, ready to jump.
"Please don't jump, MnM!" I patted my knees, hoping that it would come down. Of course, he didn't and I sighed. I climbed the stairs slowly, then got onto my hands and knees, crawling up the banister. I stuck my hand out between the rails and tried not to look down.
"Come on, boy, come on," I cooed at him. He simply went up higher and I whimpered softly. Knowing me, I was going to fall off the banister and break my spine.
Bella, get down from there! You'll fall and hurt yourself!
I lost my balance and fell, so shocked at the sound of his voice, that I let go of the rails and slid down the stairs upside down. I landed in a heap at the foot of the stairs, with an aching ankle.
"OUCH!" I yelled, holding my ankle. It was stinging and quickly turning red. The ball of fur came to a jumping stop into my lap and I pushed him away slightly.
"See what you did?" I asked him softly, knowing it wasn't his fault at all. It meowed again and I sighed. "I don't think it's sprained, but we'll have to wait until Charlie's home and see if he makes me go to the doctor."
I got up slowly and limped to the freezer, taking out the often-used ice pack. Laying it onto my ankle, I gingerly tested it by twisting it side to side. Not sprained, just hurting.
"So…what should we do now? Done with homework, food is cooked, house is clean…Sundays really suck, don't they?" I asked MnM. He looked up, pawing at my legs. "What do you want to do?"
With the moment of silence, my mind wandered back to last night's dream. I had been in the woods, down a familiar path. It was lighter this time, the sun peaked through the leaves that made a canopy above me.
This time though, I was not running. I was simply walking, grazing my hands on the moss-covered trees that surrounded me. Even the forest was not as silent as it usually was, but a small humming noise was coming. I realized in a while, that it was me. I was the one humming. It was not a happy tune, nor a sad one, just a thing to pass the time away.
For some time, I looked more attuned to my own thoughts than the fact that MnM was with me also. He sauntered next to me, tail in the air with a dignified appearance. Together, we walked through the woods. Occasionally I would trip on a protruding root, and the cat's eyes would wander to me. After catching myself, we'd continue, in no hurry to get anywhere.
I had woken up in sweat, but I had not screamed, nor cried. For the first time in months, I had not gone crazy because of my nightmares. I was not sure what to make of this dream, only to be happy with the fact that it had not caused me the usual agonizing pain.
Coming back to the present, I decided we needed to go for a drive. My ankle was fine enough for driving, so I picked up MnM and put him in the truck, grabbing the car keys and getting inside also. I drove down the street slowly, allowing myself to think a bit.
After the voice came back again today, I realized what the recipe for my hallucinations really was. Adrenaline, plus danger, plus stupidity. My heart was racing when I was scared for MnM, and it was obviously dangerous and stupid for me to climb the banister after a cat that could make it down easily. I was cheating on his promise, just as he had cheated on mine.
"So, where should we go?" I asked MnM vaguely, driving along in the wet streets, even though the rain had stopped a while ago. I passed Jessica's house and then Angela's. I sighed, remembering when I could have gone places to amuse myself like other teens these days. Now it seemed that just living was a pain, forget amusement.
Just then, MnM pawed at the window, making me look to the right. There was a large forest and my heart squeezed. This was the turn that drove to the big white house. I took a deep breath and pulled MnM into my lap with one arm.
"We can't go there, now can we?" I whispered to him. He looked up at me and I slowed the car to a stop, just before the turn started. Thinking…why can't I go there? It's a free country, the land wasn't private anymore.
This was a bad idea. I shouldn't have just gone out on a random drive, given my mind a chance to think. It had reeled back to the last place I had been remotely sane, which was the big white mansion between all the trees.
Maybe, if I could go and see it, the voice would come back. It wasn't particularly dangerous now, but maybe the voice would come back if I got closer to the memories, like déjà vu or something. It would hurt, of course. It would bring the clawing feeling back, the one that MnM had helped get rid of just yesterday. But it would be so worth the pain if I could just hear his voice again.
I should have gone back home, took MnM inside and just wrote an email to Renee, or something healthier like that, but I stopped listening to my inner voice and started the car back up, turning into the road.
The truck crept along slowly down the lane, trudging through the thick underbrush and tree branches that arched over me like a tunnel. I gripped onto the steering wheel with my shaking hands and took deep breaths. MnM purred in my lap as if trying to make me feel better.
I didn't know exactly what I was doing until the words ran through my brain. It will be as if I'd never existed. The thought made my breaths come harder. My subconscious thoughts were making me believe that if I saw his house, I'd remember that he really did exist. That all those months with him hadn't been just my imagination, and that he was real. Out there, somewhere far away from me, but still real.
The lane kept going and going, and I started to drive faster. What if the house wasn't real and it was really just my imagination? Shouldn't I be there by now? What if I had forgotten? I shuddered, then gasped when the trees parted.
The house was there, huge, empty, vacant and forlorn.
The lawn had grown too much---it was almost waist-high. Ivy crawled around the edges of the white mansion, making patterns with their crossing leaves. There was an eerie aura around the house, almost as it were still containing it's haunting secrets.
For the first time since my ill-fated birthday so many months ago, I looked up at the house where he lived.
I hit the brakes and turned off the engine, sitting yards away from the last time I had been truly, deeply happy. Since the last time I had seen him smile at me, since the last time I had seen his wonderful family.
And yet, I heard no voice in my head. MnM looked out at the house with me, and purred in my lap.
The tears came then, flowing fast out of the corners of my eyes and down my cheeks. My breaths came in short gasps and I clutched the cat to my chest. I unlocked the door and got out slowly, jumping out into the sea of grass and weeds that hadn't ever been there before. Maybe, like Friday night, if I walked forward, the voice would come again.
Holding onto MnM like a life-line, I slowly approached the empty house. I got to the porch stairs
and turned around sharply back. I couldn't look at it anymore, the blank windows clawed at my chest. There was no sense of reassurance that they were there, of him being there. I started to walk back to the truck quickly.
Suddenly, MnM jumped out of my arms. I wiped my tears away hurriedly in order to see where he had run off to, and saw the tip of his tail in the ferns. My eyes followed him, only to find him running up the porch steps. I gasped and found my voice.
"M&M!" I cried. "Come back here!"
He paused on the porch, then sat down in front of the screen door, facing me. His tail curled around it's body and it's hazel eyes stared me down.
"No," I croaked. "I can't come over there."
It meowed louder than it ever had before. Maybe this cat was some sort of demon, forcing me to come towards the pain instead of helping me away from it.
"Get over here, we're going home," I demanded, my resolve weak.
It simply stared at me, his resolve much stronger. What was he doing anyway? Even the cat had to know that there was no one here, and how much pain it would cause me to accidentally glance into one of the windows.
I unconsciously bit down on the nub of my fingernail, a habit I hadn't had during my numbness. I wouldn't mind the numbness right now. In fact, that would be preferable to what I was doing now, which was creeping up the wooden steps to a forgotten house.
I kept my gaze down, not looking through the windows or anything, simply reaching out to MnM. I had pain in my chest, where my heart used to live, but it wasn't the kind I had before. It wasn't the breathless blood-curling pain I had before MnM, during the nightmares. It was a weaker pain, as if I had lost something very important and I was anxious to find it again.
"Come here," I whispered, unable to speak aloud anymore. I pulled him back into my arms, then I found myself facing the white door.
It was too much, remembering how he had playfully tickled me while pulling me into the house and closing the door behind us. How Alice had opened the door before I could even knock. How Emmett laughed when I would trip on the porch steps and then blush, and how Esme would meet me at the door and pull me into a motherly hug.
The tears started to blind me again and I took another step, reaching out to touch. The wood felt rough under my fingertips and I slowly trailed them down to the brass doorknob. My mouth went dry, and I chocked back sobs. With a click, I shuddered painfully as I realized it was unlocked.
Creaking with disuse, the door opened slowly…