Edward has always been the picture of calm, always knows what to do, what to say, but there is one thing that unnerves him... His smile was more blinding than the glare. I smiled back, feeling lucky to be his, and only his. Forever.P.S. The banner picture is an actual picture of a place near Forks (Clallam Bay) where I pictured the setting
2. Forever Part of Us
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I stared horrified at the small indicator across the room. It couldn’t be true, could it? I remember being….late, but nothing serious….surely a coincidence.
I felt my eyes brimming with tears, my future flashed dramatically right before my eyes. I honestly didn’t know what to feel about it. I didn’t want to believe, after all, it was supposedly impossible. But something told me it was true, something deep down. Maternal instincts. I shuddered.
Besides, there was no other reasonable explanation for the Cullen’s actions this morning, not that the Cullens had a reasonable explanation for anything, but still….
Edward’s arms wrapped tenuously around me, I felt my eyes starting to leak tears and I gasped back sobs. Edward. Oh, Edward. I didn’t want to tell him, I didn’t want to share him. Not, with anyone, not even a baby. I scowled at myself for my incredibly selfish thoughts, but I wasn’t ready for a kid. God knows I can barely take care of myself.
Yet, the image of Edward with a child, our child was….highly intriguing. I could have something that would be forever part of us. Because nothing in this world could last our forever.
“Shh,” Edward comforted, “Shh, Bella, what is it?” He rocked back and forth, not forcing the answer out, but I detected a small bit of tension on the edge of his voice.
Carlisle could fix this. I know he could, there had to be an explanation. How could I believe for one second that I was having Edward’s baby? I almost chuckled at my careless thinking. A vampire couldn’t possibly conceive a child.
As if on cue, Carlisle walked in, closely followed by Esme, Alice, and Jasper.
“Bella,” Edward whispered again, “Bella, Bella, love….tell me,” his velvet voice sang angelically. He shouldn’t be allowed to coax me like that.
I gasped through my sobs, I would just tell them it was a small scare, they’d understand, we’d laugh about it….
I looked up at the Cullens—my family—and I knew. I broke into anguished sobs; I would have dissolved into the floor if Edward hadn’t been supporting my weight. It was true. I could tell by their faces. And I noticed Emmett and Rosalie’s absence. Poor Rosalie, this is what she always wanted.
“I—I, Carlisle,” I looked up hopefully, but Carlisle was shuffling Alice out the door, whispering sharply, telling her to leave us alone, and let me tell Edward. I didn’t want to tell Edward.
But, how did Carlisle figure it out, he couldn’t have—Alice, of course. Alice always knows.
“Bella,” this time Edward was trying very hard to keep the edge out of his voice.
“I—Oh, Edward,” I dissolved into his chest, “I’m so sorry,” I felt terrible, this made things so much more complicated. This wasn’t in Edward’s plan, how could I do this to him? I had asked for so much.
“Edward,” I looked up to him with watery eyes, his gaze was worried. It made me want to sink into him and stay there, forever. I mentally scolded myself, there were much more important matters at hand. “I—I…um, Edward, I’m, I mean we are going to have a…um, baby.” I gulped way too audibly.
Edward’s eyes widened, he almost smiled at what he probably thought was a joke. “Bella, you realize that it isn’t possible?” He looked at me concernedly.
“Edward,” I looked at him seriously. I had only known about my pregnancy for about ten minutes, but I felt like I’d known for a lifetime, “They know,” I was referring to the Cullens, “I don’t know how it worked out, but it’s true.”
His eyes tightened slightly, and then, to my surprise, he looked deeply hurt. “But, Bella, it can’t be….mine then?” He looked genuinely crushed. His eyes filled with nonexistent tears, his forehead was creased ever so slightly. This made me want to jump on him and hold him, telling him over and over that he was the only one, which I refrained, with difficulty, from doing.
I nodded, and mumbled something like a ‘yes’ into his chest, he got the message. “Oh, Bella….Bella,” He pulled me as close to him as he could without crushing me and we sank to the floor.
Choices whirled around in my head; I wasn’t sure what I was thinking. My mind was foggy and I could barely keep my head on straight.
There were so many people I had to tell. The marriage was hard to break to people, but a pregnancy. Oh, God, Renee was not going like this. I had to break their hearts; I knew this was the last thing almost everyone in my life wanted to hear from the girl who married her high school sweetheart the year she got out of school. Charlie, Renee, Angela, Mike, Jessica, Lauren, and, I shuddered to think of his healing heart breaking again….Jacob.
We could have easily been sitting for hours, days, I don’t know, it could have been seconds. But, the entire time I was aware of Edward’s arms around me. Like heaven, the purgatory of heaven, I didn’t want him to have to hold me. I wanted to be the strong one this time.
“Bella,” Edward whispered. I looked up into his eyes, but quickly regretted it. I saw the hurt in his eyes, the hurt I never wanted to see in his eyes again.
How could I do this? How could I put Edward in this situation, responsible for another life? I know it must be hard enough to take care of me, I couldn’t do it myself.
“I’m so sorry, Bells,” Sorry? What the hell was he sorry for? He wasn’t pregnant. He wasn’t still human. He wasn’t a klutz, incapable of keeping herself alive.
“Edward,” I looked slowly up at him. “You are such an idiot,” I smiled despite myself. His face was both confused and worried.
“I’m, Bella, an…idiot?” he smiled his crooked smile, I almost melted. “Where on earth do you find any evidence of this….ludicrous affront?”
“You’re sorry,” I began incredulously, “ That I am having a,” I gulped, “baby.”
“Bella, you couldn’t have done that without me,” he whispered into my hair, “well, you could have, but….” His voice trailed off. I didn’t want to think about the alternative either.
“And,” I really didn’t want to have to ask this question, “You, um you want to…keep it, right?” I looked up at him, afraid of the answer. I knew he’d say of course, but part of me wanted him to say no. I don’t know which part of me that was, but it wasn’t going away.
“Bella, love,” He put his cold fingers on my temple and ran his knuckles up and down my cheek, I shivered. “This is absolutely amazing, I didn’t think I could ever….with you and…” His voice trailed off again evidently in some sort of reverie. I mentally yelled at part of me to shut up, because this was making Edward happy.
“So, how exactly will this work?” I asked.
“Bella, I honestly….” Edward searched for words that could express the fact that he had no idea without actually admitting it. “I do not know.”
Edward shifted slightly and before I knew it he was standing with me in his arms. “I love you so much,” He kissed the top of my head and worked his way down to my jaw as he carried me into our room. “And now,” he set me down lightly on the bed and moved so he was hovering over me, “We’re having a baby.” He smiled at me like I didn’t already know this. I had no idea this would make Edward happy.
He kissed my earlobe lightly, passionately and I wrapped my arms around his neck to get close enough to kiss him….
“Bella,” Edward pulled away slightly, I pouted and reached up to grab his lips again. “Bella, do you want to tell Charlie, or should I?”