Into the Dark
Bella's worries about not having a power are laid to rest. Unfortunately, her power is turning her into a monster she never thought she would become. UPDATED CHAPTER 5- "DARK HOUR" IS NOW UP!!!!!! R&RDisclaimer I own a horse, a car, and a laptop. That's it.
2. Chapter 1- Into the Dark
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I slammed my foot down on the gas pedal of my car, reaching the desired speed of 130 mph. Unable to deny him anything, I had caved and allowed Edward to buy me the Audi he wanted for me since I met him. A 2009 Audi R8, silver, to match his Volvo, with cream interior that didn't come standard. After all of the special features Edward had insisted on, my gorgeous chariot cost him a cool $135,000. This was pocket change to Edward though, and he refused to give me anything less as a wedding present. I hated to admit it but it was a very sexy little car.
At the time of purchase I had protested, saying if I needed to go that fast I could always just run. Edward and I often raced and I found myself beating Edward by two or three lengths. I could outrun most anything that would be chasing me. But at times like these, I was glad to have the V10 engine underneath me. At times like these, I wished I could cry. Speeding down the asphalt highway like a bat out of hell helped, but crying would alleviate some of the pain. I gripped the steering wheel with iron firsts, cursing under my breath through blushed lips while replaying the fight over and over in my cluttered mind. I had left the windows open, the wind whipping my long dark hair behind me.
"Edward! Why do you have to be so controlling? I'm not breakable and I'm not a little girl."
"Just because I want you to be safe that makes me controlling? Bella, you know I couldn't live with myself if you came back to me with anything more than a speck of dust on your body. I love you, Bella, my wife."
"Edward, you are suffocating me! I need to breathe!" Well not technically, I had thought to myself.
"Bella, do you hear yourself? You are being utterly ridiculous."
"And for a change, Edward, you are being a condescending, overbearing, dead weight."
“Bella. I don't understand. I..Bella, I am lost"
"Oh, I'm sorry Edward. Maybe I should leave. I'm no good for you, Edward. I'll just leave . Because that solves everything. Of course, I'll always love you...in a way. Apparently, we've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that."
"Bella..." At that point, Edward was practically doubled over, the pain from my cruel words and the guilt he felt from that horrible day taking over his body. My words had been eerily familiar, like daggers, piercing through him with such ease that it was nauseating.
"You're not good for me, Edward."***
In my fury, I had taken off my wedding ring and placed it on our bed before leaving out the bedroom window. I had said his name with such a sneer that the expression on his face alone would bring me into sobbing convulsions. For the last month of my transformation, Edward and I had gotten into heated arguments more than twice a week. My words began to grow more and more hurtful, the two of us resorting to painful low-blows that only left us sobbing dry tears into each other's arms.
No one ever thought that it was possible to get such a rise out of Edward. During the second week of my mood swings, we went for three whole days without speaking to each other after our worst fight of all.
Like the gentleman he is, Edward made the mistake of holding the door for me. Before I could blink I was overcome with a rage boiling beneath my skin that I had never experienced. Two whole hours and dozens of nasty lashes later, I had explained to Edward that I was sorry I picked him instead of Jacob. After that I was always moody and depressed, often angry and distant. Edward was also growing increasingly irritable and generally upset. The ever supportive Jasper tired himself repeatedly by sending waves of calm and comfort over to us but nothing seemed to work. We officially held the title for Most Miserable Couple, greatly exceeding Rosalie's expectations.
My shoulders shook with dry sobs as my emotions came over me. First the anger, then the bitterness, and finally the horrible realization of what I had said to Edward. How could I say such hurtful things? What could possibly make me think that way about my love, my husband, the man I had pledged my life to? How could I possibly bring that up? Why did I have to resort to that? Never did I hold Edward responsible for the pain the two of us endured during that day, the day he had left. I didn't even feel the pain from that night anymore. Countless nights, Edward and I lay in each other's arms as he apologized profusely for that day. Yet, after all this time, he was the one who suffered the most. And I dared to bring it up again, twist his words against him no less.
A wave of calm washed over me, and I knew it was my own since I was out of Jasper's range. As my temperament switched gears, the ball of my foot moved from the gas pedal to the brake with vampire speed. I slammed down on it hard and spun the wheel simultaneously. Just as fast as I had left I was in the Cullen's driveway. Knowing Edward had heard me ten miles away and was expecting me, I sat motionless in my comfy leather seat, procrastinating. I couldn't bear to see the expression on his face and I wanted to put it off as long as possible. My slender pale fingers found the ignition button and pressed it, the engine falling silent. My face fell into my hands while I thought about the things I had said to Edward, shoulders shaking again. What could I possibly do to make it up to Edward?
My silent heart ached for Edward. My moods these past few weeks had been horrifying. Hell, I was surprised he had stuck around this long. But I couldn't help it, or explain it for that matter. One minute, I was calm and content, sitting on Edward's lap and staring into his entrancing golden eyes. My fingers would dance about his auburn hair, massaging his scalp while kissing the papery thin skin over his throat that I adored. The very next minute a thought would come into my pretty little head and I would turn. I would be overcome with a sudden urge to fight with someone. Without warning, my brain would completely switch tempo. Every one of his actions would disgust me. My thoughts would be pushed aside, taken over by notions I would never create on my own. Like a voice silencing everything around me and speaking without my consent. Edward had tried to understand. He would hum my lullaby in my ear, play our wedding song, anything and everything to bring me back to normal. There was only so much his poor heart could take.
My new appearance was also a topic we fought over. Well, more my actions. During my brief spells of misery, I often took advantage of the fact that I was utterly irresistible to humans. Even though normally I was repulsed at the thought, it was common for me to lure men in just for the sake of making Edward angry. To make matters worse for poor Edward, my eyes acted as a mood ring. For the first week of being a vampire, they were red, as usual. Yet, as my moods shifted, my eye color was just as different and equally drastic. At the time of my worst, tonight, my irises were pitch black, blending with my pupils. Every time I had looked in the rear view mirror as I pulled away, I scared myself. What was happening to me and why couldn't I control it?
Even though my family knew I was home, I escaped their sympathy and Rosalie's glares, entering our bedroom through the window overlooking the scenic landscape. Edward was gone. I could feel it. I knew because I felt empty, and the room felt stale. My ring lay lonely on the bedside table on my side, next to a note with Edward's impeccable cursive scribbled on it. Hesitant to find out what Edward had to say to me, I picked up the note and unfolded it.
Out, not doing anything stupid. Like cliff diving.
Not doing anything stupid. Edward would never use the word "stupid" under normal circumstances. I, of course, seemed to bring the best out of him these days. I grimaced and crumpled the note, tossing it into a garbage can with more force than necessary and sent the can flying across the room. Cliff diving. My momentary lapse of sanity had almost sent Edward to his death. I sat on the edge of the bed and remembered the wonderful calm I had found in the rapids that day. I felt peaceful and content, ready to let go of my body and finally be happy again. I had found that happiness again in the form of marriage, but I was in the process of letting it slip away. Even though he was just in the woods behind the house, it felt like he was hundreds of miles away.
Familiarity was what I needed at times in Edward's absence, whether I induced it or not, so I went to the wall of Edward's CD's, all arranged in order of preference. And of course, just as I would suspect, the one I wanted was the first case on the shelf. I swiftly picked it out and walked in a human pace to the sound system in the built in wall unit. Never one for technology, I slowly navigated through the different menus until I solved the mystery of how to press play and put the settings on repeat. The opening melody came on and I began to cry again at the sentiment of the song, our wedding song.
I lay on the bed on my side, looking out the wall length window, staring at nothing mostly, just staring. Alice's light footsteps were sounding outside the door, my back turned to her, and I heard her open it. She watched me, but chose wisely and just let me be. It was understood that I heard her, I could hear her get up off the couch and make her way upstairs, and I knew that she cared. My eyelids fluttered shut but I continued to cry, my cheeks completely dry. How I wished I could cry, release my feelings in pointless tears. Crying was really the only thing I missed. I sure didn't miss my clumsiness, embarrassing blushing, or the fact that I was edible to my husband. But the tears I dearly longed for.
The words to the beautiful song, so closely personal to me, rang through my ears. I bit down on my lower lip to calm my tremors, listening to the song I knew in and out with my eyes closed. On repeat, the song played twice and was midway through the song a third time when I heard the door open again. I sniffled at invisible tears and ignored the intruder who was not at all welcome. I loved my family more than anything in the world, well except for Edward, but couldn't they take a hint?
The song continued to play on and I was lost in it again, catching each syllable and note. Just as the chorus was about to come on between melodies, I felt the bed sink behind me and a straight jacket of arms envelop me. I bit down on my lip harder as I realized who it was, my Edward, and continued to shake with regret. He pulled me closer to him and I helped by wiggling back into the curves of his body. Through my black tank top and his tee-shirt I could feel every contour of his muscled body. My back sank in to every crevice and curve, my butt fitting into the crook of his hip, my legs pressed against his to the very bottom of my foot. We were like two discarded pieces from completely different puzzles that found each other by accident, fitting together more perfectly than thought possible. His lips rested behind my ear and he sang to me as the song played on, his sweet breath trailing to my nose and calming me instantly.
"If heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied, and illuminate the "No"s on their vacancy signs, if there's no one beside you when your soul embarks, then I'll follow you into the dark."
The song came to an end and I felt him pull me closer, slowly inhaling the strawberry scent of my shampoo. I held his forearm across my torso even harder in response. As the song wrapped around again, I turned in his grasp to face him, now able to stare up into his eyes. I wasn't prepared for their intensity. His gaze bore into me and I tried to read his emotions. Our time together had given me the gift of reading Edward, whether I had a power or not. I watched as all of his emotions poured out of his amber eyes.
The poor boy might as well just put them on a silver platter and hand them to me, the way I was toying with them lately. I shook my head as I tried to find words to express how sorry I was, how badly I had messed up and that I didn't mean a thing I had said. I couldn't let the silence grow longer and let him think I had meant those horrible words.
"Edward I cannot begin to find words to tell you how sorry I am. I meant nothing I said, not one word. You are the most important thing in my life, the reason for my life, and I never, ever felt...Oh, Edward I do not feel that way about when you left. I never was angry with you Edward, never. I just can't explain it, the things that enter my mind, I-"
Edward's lips met mine and I could feel the relief behind the kiss, like he actually believed I had meant what I said. His lips meshed with mine feverishly and I returned it with everything I could muster. We kissed like that for a moment, relishing the feeling of our bodies reunited after the horrible fight earlier that night. My hands went from his shoulders to the back of his neck, knotting in his silky hair that was wild from the wind on his run, his broad hands splayed across my shoulder blades as he pulled me to him.
I parted my lips at his begging tongue and welcomed his warmth. Still holding me around my upper body tightly, he pulled away and kissed my forehead. The strange tinge of relief I felt through his lips made me nervous. He had really believed what I said? Well I believed him when he told me he didn't love me. So I supposed it was the same situation.
"Edward, tell me you did not think that I meant what I said." My voice was just as panicky as his expression had been when I told him I didn't love him anymore. I kissed a trail along his jaw line that traveled about his neck, blowing cool air on the moisture I had left behind and I felt him shudder.
“Bella love, you cannot possibly understand how convincing you can be." He sighed and rested his cheek on my forehead, still holding my body to his. How could I be so lucky? I scream at him and rip his heart apart, and yet there he is. I sighed as well and aimlessly drew circles on his granite chest with the tip of my finger.
"I'm pulling us down. I'm sorry Edward; I love you with everything that I am. I just don't know when it's coming. One minute I'm fine and then the next minute I'm a completely different person. It's like someone else is taking over and I'm just a passenger along for the ride." Shaky, my voice sounded foreign. I was not used to being so unsure of myself, being so unsure of myself in Edward's eyes. Who was this person I was becoming? Edward stared down at me silently, studying my eyes with loving intent. I looked up at him apologetically and opened my mouth to speak again before he interrupted me.
"They are lavender when you're happy. When you are sad they are blue, and when you are angry... they flicker between black and red. It happens quickly, though, so you usually catch me off guard." I hadn't realized that my eyes changed so much. I knew that they were lavender normally. Only a week after I was changed, the horrid red had faded in my irises and turned to lavender. They were striking against my dark eyelashes and milky skin. Mirrors weren't my prime concern when I was angry so I had never looked into my own eyes at those times. Staring into his wistful eyes was sickening. We had hunted recently so his eyes were tawny with satisfaction. Yet, the bruises that circled them were darker than ever, like grey hairs woven into a mother's hair after years of fatigue and worry.
"I'm sure you liked me better as a human." He had to like me better as a human. I was breakable, yes, but I wasn't explosive and volatile. My warmth soothed him and my blushes entertained him. Now, what purpose did I serve? I made the entire family walk on eggshells just so I wouldn't hurt Edward. He had to baby me and make sure I wasn't set off by his words. God forbid we have a difference of opinion. Edward rolled his eyes and smiled down at me amused, this time the smile actually meeting his eyes, and raised a brow.
"Bella, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. I think I would still manage to be madly in love with you if you were a dog, if only you would have me." I knew he wasn't referring to a Doberman and I rolled my eyes in response, a small smile gracing my lips. I had yet to find a reason why I deserved him. "And as for my family, they adore you and are working on finding a cure, for lack of a better word, for your little condition as we speak." I opened my mouth to protest, my thoughts immediately conjuring up an image of Rosalie glaring at me with gleaming teeth dripping with venom, before he confirmed my idea. "Okay, with the excepting of Rose." He chuckled lightly, even though we both knew he was serious. Edward's lips found the smooth skin just beneath my ear and kissed me there before pulling away slowly, leaving me with a warm tingling sensation that started at my toes and left through the roots of my hair.
Our wedding song continued to play on in the background a few times but was put to shame by Edward's humming as he stroked my hair. I continued to trace the outline of his chest with my fingertips and listened to his soothing voice as he crooned. Edward smiled at me softly and placed his hands over mine on his chest, interlocking our fingers. I leaned up to kiss him on the lips, only to be met with a frustrated scowl from my husband. I never understood why he felt the need to ruin his breathtakingly handsome face with those stubborn expressions of his.
"What's wrong Edward?" I squeezed his hands in mine and waited for a response. His eyes never left mine and I couldn't help but feel panicked. I pleaded for him to answer me with my questioning gaze and waited.
"Hold on a minute." Before I could object, Edward slipped from my grasp in all of .5 seconds. My eyes kept up with him and I watched him move to the dresser and then turn back to me. In a light but still serious tone, Edward asked me to stand up. I happily obliged but I was still worried. Edward and I were chest to face and I could smell his sweet breath escape his lips, beckoning me to come closer. Unable to resist, I stretched up on my toes to catch him in a kiss but I only felt his finger kiss me back.
"Edward, wha-" I paused mid-sentence as Edward caught me off guard by, painstakingly slow for a vampire, lowering himself to the ground on one knee so that he was looking up at me with sincere eyes. Without speaking, he took my left hand in his and just as slowly, slipped my discarded wedding ring back onto my finger. My eyes softened and I swore I could feel tears start to well in my eyes, that I'm sure were the brightest lavender. I couldn't let go of his gaze, following Edward's eyes while he stood up, cupping my face gently and finally kissing me with as much intensity as he held in his heart.
"Don't you ever take that off again." He whispered hoarsely and seriously in my ear as he pulled me into his chest, pain dripping from his voice like venom. I buried my face in his shoulder and wrapped my arms around his neck in response. I couldn't get enough of his scent. Even through his shirt the potency of his aroma almost knocked me off my feet. My hands slipped to his chest, gripping the soft black cotton of his shirt with urgency. I revealed my face to him finally and brushed the top of my nose along the taught tendons of his neck, then up to his chiseled jaw. He tilted his head slightly so that our lips met. The wonderfully familiar fire that burned beneath his touch began to erupt again, almost jump starting my heart into a beat. At that moment I couldn't have been any more frustrated. With how much I adored him, what was making me so miserable and nasty? The answer to my question came in the form of Alice bursting through the door like a kid on Christmas, scrambling to be the first at the tree. Our door was nearly knocked off his hinges as the pixie beamed with delight.
"Carlisle knows what your power is! Well, not yet. But he will in three minutes." Alice was doing her usual dance of bouncing up and down, side to side, while spinning in circles, unable to control herself when she saw a pleasant vision. She was also probably just trying to show off her new dress that she bought without me because I had told her off. I didn't deserve such an understanding family. Alice was acting like nothing had happened, truly happy at the news that Carlisle could help me. At her words, Edward squeezed my waist tightly and beamed just as brightly as Alice. I wasn't sure if I was more relieved or if Edward was. My hands never left Edward's chest and I gripped his shirt, almost tearing holes into it. Alice's news was music to my ears. Finally, I would have answers.
Edward and I waited in Carlisle's office along with the rest of the group, Edward on one of his leather chairs and me perched on his lap. We only waited for a few minutes but Edward was bouncing his leg impatiently, burning a hole in the door with his eyes. After the expected three minutes, Carlisle gracefully entered his office, not surprised in the least that Edward, Alice, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Esme, and I were all waiting for him. A stale silence filled the room as we waited for his words. Jasper began to twitch slightly, unable to bear the weight of everyone's anxiety anymore. I smiled sheepishly at him and Alice held his hand. If anyone should wish I were fixed, it would be Jasper. The poor boy took the brunt of my rage most of the time so I couldn't tear any one's eyes out. I had already unleashed my wrath on furniture in the house and Edward depended on Jasper to do damage control. In the thirty seconds of silence, I recalled a conversation I had overheard after one of my episodes.
"Edward, I don't know what it is. When she's angry it's like...I don't know. It's nothing I've ever felt before. It's so strong. I get this sudden urge to rip someone's arms off. I mean, God Edward. Then the second it's over I'm terrified."
"Is it hard to control?"
"It takes about everything I have. The first few times I couldn't even control it. I'm getting better at it though and I've figured out how to draw some of it away from her."
Edward's sharp intake of a breath woke me up and I looked to the door. Carlisle's steady eyes rested directly on mine and his face looked uneasy.
"Bella, I believe I have a diagnosis." Edward's grip on my sides tightened, surely a reaction to what he heard in Carlisle's mind.
***Some of Bella's words are bits and pieces of Edward's words in New Moon when telling Bella he has to leave
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